to find this a bit odd?

[BunnyLebowski]

My cousin and his fiancee had a baby last week.

Last night my auntie (the baby's paternal grandmother) took the baby at 6pm to stay overnight at her house because my cousin and his DF 'didn't get a wink of sleep' the night before and wanted a full night's sleep.

The baby screamed all night apparently.

I'm a bit and a bit about this.

The baby is a week old fgs. You're not meant to be getting any sleep.

Also the baby probably screamed all night because the only person he recognises/needs at such a tiny age is his mother.

I know we're all different and horses for courses and all but it just seems a bit off to me.

AIBU?

Depends, if neither of them has slept for a few days/a week then it might have been a good idea.

I have been extraordinarily lucky with my babies and always managed to snatch enough sleep to function OK, but even then I have made dangerous mistakes.

sounds like a nice gesture to me, as long as they're all happy with the decision. they weren't going to know the baby wasn't going to settle before hand.

surely getting enough sleep is needed to be able to look after a newborn properly? I dont function well without sleep, so maybe the Auntie did a nice thing for her daughter.

Dont be so judgey pants! Each to their own

Well I wouldn't be comfortable doing it but it's their choice isn't it?
I would be a bit though aswell.

What is odd for one person is acceptable for another, that's all.

I don't think babies form attachments at that age, they can be comforted by food and find comfort with whoever is giving food. There is every chance the baby would have screamed all night had it been with the mother.

I do agree that a week old is a bit early to be saying they need a decent nights sleep unless there were complications with the birth that you don't know about?

how about offering them some help instead of judging them? Maybe overnight at a week old is a big ask of a relative but if your auntie was happy to offer then I don't see the problem.

My dd screamed all night for weeks, I was in labour for 48 hours with almost no sleep and then in hospital for 4 nights with her averaging about 2 hours sleep a night. I developed PND and had suicidal thoughts - I believe this was brought on/made worse by severe tiredness. Yes, I am sure some people would do this whilst also baking cakes - I could not.

If your auntie having the baby for one night means they keep their sanity then what is the problem?

Do you know that the baby wouldnt have screamed all night at home?

Depends on the individual. Both mine have been good sleepers from the point of view that they each slept for blocks of time so I got enough to function, BUT when DS was born I was in labour for 3 days, didnt sleep in hospital and then he didnt settle till about 4am for the first couple of nights home - I have NEVER felt that tired, thankfully he settled after that, but on that particular night I would have happily handed him to anyone who would take him. Surely its better to have happy, rested parents who can meet baby's needs, that sleep deprived zombies.

'I don't think babies form attachments at that age, they can be comforted by food and find comfort with whoever is giving food.'

Um, no, there's evidence that babies recognise their primary carers within a few days of birth. And the first few weeks are really important for bonding for both parents and the baby. Lots of skin to skin contact etc to promote oxytocin release.

Perhaps even more importantly separation of mother and baby is a known factor in post natal depression.

I'm assuming your cousin isn't bfing because, if she is, then separation really isn't an option yet. It's too early for the baby to be mix-feeding, for example.

Did the parents really want to be separated from their baby or did the GPs insist in a 'trying to be helpful but we won't take no for an answer' way? It's great that they want to help out but it might be better for all concerned if, for example, they stayed over with your cousins (or vice versa) and helped out with the night feeds, rather than taking baby away.

Maybe you could also have a chat with your cousin and see if there are any indications of PND? If so, your cousin's fiancee needs to see a GP. Separation is not the answer but you need to be sensitive as the new parents will no doubt be feeling a bit wobbly.

I think that is a really, really generous offer of your aunt - very, very kind of her. My DS was also taken into the 'nursery' or wherever in hospital after the birth (I didn't even know where) to allow me to get some sleep after an EMCS and some bad news about his health - I was desperate to sleep.

Please don't judge other people's decisions.

I remember someone being shocked becuase I left my DS at home (with my DM) for a couple of hours when he was 2 weeks old - are we meant to be chained to our babies??

If they are formula feeding then I don't see a problem with it. The parents are rested and better able to deal with the baby the next day, the grandmother gets to spend some solid time with the baby rather than just brief cuddles, and I really doubt that the baby screamed all night because he was with the grandmother -- indeed, if the parents didn't get any sleep the night before it seems more likely that this is a baby who, at this point, cries at night.

I certainly felt that I was meant to be chained to my babies at that age. I still felt in those very early days, as they surely must have also done, that they were still part of me.

I'm not judging them but I find it extraordinary that they would be happy do that.

No I don't believe we should be 'chained' to our babies.

As threeships says the first days of a babies life are critical in forging attachment with it's parents.

I know how hard it can be. DD was a terrible sleeper right up until the age of 1 and as I was breastfeeding her there were plenty of nights when I actually didn't sleep at all.

But it never occurred to me to give her to someone else. TBH I just couldn't have been apart from her in those early days. She was mine and DP's to care for and look after.

I now realise not everyone feels that way.

I think it's not that uncommon for mothers who can't cope to pass babies on to grandparents...

My cousin has done this with her babies - she routinely leaves her youngest over night - I mean for weeks or months on end, not the odd night. Her mother is more like the baby's mother than her - and my cousin sort of bowls up and visits her occassionally.

The first time I left my DD was for a Xmas lunch - I was gone about 4 hours - but she was nearly 6 months old. I never left my DD overnight with anyone - but I think I am probably an extreme case. I do find it odd that she could bear to be away from her baby - but each to their own, I suppose.

I would find it odd. YANBU.

I think that if the GM was happy to take the baby then they are extremely lucky and she is very generous and kind.

I have various health problems and had an EMCS. Less than 3 days after DS was born the MWs at a local unit took him so I could get two hours sleep. I hadn't slept properly for 2 months before the birth (2 hours a night at best) and had not slept at all since he had been born, and I had started seeing things move that shouldn't! DS slept all the time he was gone. When he was 5 days old I was readmitted to hospital and had my DH and DM take DS away as I mentally and physically couldn't handle him being with me - he was fine and I think it would have been worse if I had just carried on without admitting I couldn't do it.

Maybe your cousin's fiancee is at a breaking point, as maybe your cousin is, so maybe cut them a bit of slack.

Perhaps the baby screaming all night was the reason the parents needed a break? It is great that you can manage on no sleep. I can't.

In the olden days or good old days extended family helped out loads more than they do now
cfamilies all lived in the sane house, like they still do in many cultures
and grandma would have looked after the baby in the night to give the parents a break
it's called helping out not neglect
I bet pnd was a lot lower in those days

I wouldn't judge about this. each to their own. Some people can cope with no sleep, some people can't. Some people adjust to being a mother immediately, to some people it is a ruddy hige shock.

People react in different ways. Perhaps she is depressed, shocked, knackered, whatever. Last thing your cousin needs anyway in the early days of motherhood is the knowledge that her cousin is slightly looking down on her for farming her baby out. So back off on judging her. You don't know exactly how she feels.

I don't see anything odd about it. Most of my aunts and also my mother, keep the baby with them at night, sleeping next to them, so that their daughters can get some sleep. Only they come and stay, so that they can take the baby to the daughter for feeds. Looks like this baby isn't breastfed, or is fed expressed bm, so I don't see what's the harm in it. I find it odder when no one helps the new parents tbh.

Compo - yes, 'in the same house'. Taking a week old baby off to GPs house is not the same thing at all.

And as for the good old days - would that be when babies and mums were separated in hospital at nighttime so newborn babies could be 'taught' to sleep through the night?

I don't know many mums that would be happy to hand over their newborns for an entire night. It's not about judging the parents but maybe asking if their behaviour is indicative of something deeper, such as PND? If so, then the GPs attempts to help may unwittingly be making the situation worse.