Would you, or have you taken a parent/PIL in?

[CoffeeMum]

We are in the process of buying the family house that we hope to live in, well, forever really. As part of this, the subject of potentially taking in one of our parents in has come up - whether this was due to them being widowed, being ill or disabled, or just generally in old age.
I'm just curious about what people generally think about this issue. Would you take in a parent or an inlaw if they needed it? Would you even take one in even if they didn't 'need it'? Would you want to do this, or would you see it as a necessary duty? A parent, but not an in-law? Do you think an only child will inevitably have to take in a parent if required? And if you have siblings, is it generally accepted that one of you will be the one to take in Mum/MIL?
Sorry - this post sounds like i'm a journalist scouting for ideas - i'm really not! It's just a new subject for me to wrap my brain around, and i'm trying to get context for my thoughts i suppose.
Thanks in advance if anyone can contribute

I dont think I would take them in just because they "wanted" me to but I definately would if they "needed" assistance.

I am actually in the position atm of trying to pursuade my dad to move in with us. He has a heart condition which will eventually be terminal and already symptoms are starting to show. He lives far from any family and it is obvious he is finding life touch.

We have a spare room (if the dd's continue to share) but not a huge house with any other separate living space and money is tight.

Would point out that my dad has been a grade A arsehole towards his children, contact has been sporadic even when we were young and he never gave my mum a penny in maintenance.

BUT at the end of the day, he is my dad and I would feel awful if anything happened to him with nobody close by.

This is one of those issues which is so reliant on specific relationships! There can't be one solution that fits everyone.

For me, dad is long dead and mum would never move in with me for various reasons. We love each other and she helps me out loads, but we tend to fight a lot if living under the same roof. She has lived with me and with my brother (separately) and it is better for everyone when she's with him as they get along like a house on fire. I would always be willing to provide temporary accommodation though.

PILs, I will never house in my home. They are boorish, interfering, and make my life hell! I will not inflict them on my children when they are at their most sensitive teenage years! I also refuse to help with bathing, toilet etc. However I would be happy for dh to install them in a flat near us, and hire a nurse...I wouldn't moan at the expense, even if it meant sacrifices for us. He can then check on them regularly. Again, I refuse to take that responsibility. DH and SIL have both made it clear they wont live with them, so it's a moot point really.

Havent read the whole thread, but 'reap what you sow' applies to our DCs too, doesnt it? I think that I wouldnt hesitate to take parents/PIL in because as far back as I can remember my mum had all sorts of elderly relatives and neighbours who came to be cared for. Id love to think my DCs would look after me when I am dribbly and incontinent, and unless I show them that its a good thing to do, I will be in a care home faster than you can say 'commode'. Small children and slightly muddled great grandparents do get on surprisingly well - I have tried it, and they tend to entertain each other quite happily - but maybe I am blessed with very tolerant relatives.

I do have treasured memories of times with my grandfather and son, aged 90 and 3.

"Where am I?" "You're still at my house!"
"What day is it?" "It's still Tuesday!"

Would take in either of my parents though as they live in England and I live in Brussels (whilst my db lives a mile or two from them), it's not likely to happen.

Would I take in my PILs who do live here? I'm tempted to say it should be SIL (their dd) who should do this as they do much more for her and her DCs than for me and mine but that sounds a bit petty, especially as we have more room than SIL does. I think MIL especially though would WANT to go to SILs and not come here (and I would actively encourage that should the need arise ). Would take my FIL if he wanted to come though.