Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off with vegan stepson who whilst pissed ate cheese and chicken?

54 replies

GetOrfMoiLand · 09/08/2010 11:14

I love my stepson - he's great.

He used to be vegetarian but is now vegan. It is a PITA buying stuff for him to eat, so much stuff has lactose and shite in. But, anyway, I cook for him as (a) I am anal about my kitchen and (b) well, he is part of the family. He usually has curries because that is the easiest thing to make. So it's no problem really.

At the weekend he went out and got a bit pickled, came home with a chicken from nandos. He also demolished a load of cheese.

So yesterday I jokingly laughed at him for falling off the wagon. I just said that i assume that I didn't need to go all out and buy vegan stuff any more (soya milk, free from bread etc) as he obviously wasn't that militant about the veganism.

He said no, he still wants to try and be vegan.

AIBU to think this is all a load of old nonsense, it's not as if he got pissed and just slightly fell off the vegan bandwagon and had a bit of cake with egg in it. He had chicken and cheese!

OP posts:
OhYouBadBadKitten · 09/08/2010 11:26

Is he really getting the nutrients he needs from his diet? perhaps its a subconscious thing where he needed the protein or calcium or something.
or it could be like dh, who when he used to get drunk would eat from a kebab takeaway van. He wouldn't dream of eating from them normally.

sanielle · 09/08/2010 11:28

Well it is still better for him to only occasionally eat meat and dairy and falling off the wagon (spectaculaly) once is not a reason to stop totally if that is what he believes in. Bt he really needs a kick up the arse if he does it again. Hope he is suitably ashamed?

Original poster
GetOrfMoiLand · 09/08/2010 11:29

I think he is getting nutrients - I make sure he eats a load of nuts, and give him supplements.

He has been santimonious to us in the past when we have gone to Nandos, so actualy did laugh at him going there and eating chicken.

To be honest i do feel slightly resentful of buying and cooking him vegan food, and am pretty sure that if he had to buy and cook the food, teh veganism would probably not last long. Or perhaps I a just a miserable cow.

OP posts:
2plus2more · 09/08/2010 11:32

What age is he? If he's old enough to go out and get bladdered then surely he's old enough to also do his own shopping and cooking if what he is demanding is so completely different to the rest of the family. That's not to say you never do anything for him, but surely he can take a bit of responsibility for his own decisions. My younger sister chooses not to eat red meat (she'll eat chicken and turkey but that's it) but when she comes to visit me or when I go back to my parent's house and am cooking for the family I refuse to cook something separate for her. If I'm cooking chicken anyway then it's fine, but last time I was over I made a cottage pie and it was her choice what she wanted to eat. As it happened she was too lazy to get a veggie burger out of the freezer so she ate the mash on top and the vegetables, and then left a pile of mince on her plate. I was none-too-impressed with the waste of food, but my dad ended up eating it so I couldn't say much more. The point was that I wasn't going to take time making her something different - she's 17 - old enough to take responsibility.

needafootmassage · 09/08/2010 11:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sparks · 09/08/2010 11:32

YANBU to be pissed off, but annoying as it is, I would continue to cook the vegan food for him.

LadyBlaBlah · 09/08/2010 11:33

If he is old enough to get pissed he is old enough to sort his own food out, as you say that would put an end to it all probably anyhow

Its pretty funny he fell off the vegan wagon with Nandos. I imagine him waking up saying "oh no, what did I do last night??" Then getting that terrible post-session sinking feeling "noooooooooooo nando's.....noooooooooo"

LOL

AnyFucker · 09/08/2010 11:33

I was going to say you are BU when I read the title

ya know...along the lines of it not really being your business what he eats

however, I think he is taking the piss if he expects you to buy and cook all this complicated stuff

I would stop doing that...if he is totally serious about this vegan malarkey he will have to sort it himself

if he is old enough to get pissed...he is old enough to buy and cook his own special diet, isn't he

sanielle · 09/08/2010 11:34

Bet you find he becomes an even more militant vegan when he tries cookig meat for the first time though OP!

StealthPolarBear · 09/08/2010 11:34

2pls, so when your sister visits,you don't necessarily cook something she'll eat?? Shock

ISNT · 09/08/2010 11:34

Lots of people do stupid things when they're pissed - my friend who has been a veggie from about 12, and still is at 36, once got pissed with me and between us we demolished a large meat pie. She was absolutely revolted with herself the next day and still mentions it sometimes!

How old is he? TBH if he is old enough to go out and get leathered and he wants a specialist diet (ie different meals to the rest of you) then maybe it's time to say if he wants special food then he needs to prepare it himself.

2plus2more · 09/08/2010 11:35

(oh and before I get blasted for comparing the 2 - I know that choosing not to eat red-meat on taste grounds is different to choosing to be a vegan (on what I assume are animal rights grounds), but he clearly doesn't feel that strongly about it if he can fall off the wagon so spectacularly!!!)

needafootmassage · 09/08/2010 11:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gotabookaboutit · 09/08/2010 11:35

If you resent it let him cook 4 himself- I think the fact that he ''fell off' the wagon is a bit irrelevant and judgy pants tbh. If he was sneaking a bacon sandwich every day a biut different.

I'm on a diet but would be very Hmm if people commented/were resentful that although I'm good 99% of the time I do fall of the chocolate wagon occasionally

ISNT · 09/08/2010 11:38

2pls I have to say though I think your approach sounds rather harsh.

You cook food that you know someone won't eat
They do their best with it
Then you compain about the waste

Baffling.

Not cooking read meat occasionally isn't exactly a big ask, and if I were your sister TBH I would take your behaviour as quite aggressive.

ArseHolio · 09/08/2010 11:39

I agree with the 'If he's old enough to go and get pissed he's ond enough to manage his own shopping and cooking' setiment.

My sisters a veggie and has been for years and I would never dream of serving her cottage pie.. she's my SISTER, I LOVE her so when she comes to stay we ALL have veggie food. If i hated her guts I might serve her meat though Confused

Lovesdogsandcats · 09/08/2010 11:40

YANBU - I am vegan and still know I am vegan when pissed..its who and what I am. Its not hard to eat vegan, ie ask Nandos for the salad./veges, and cut the cheese. Assume there is always vegan stuff in the fridge at home for a sandwich like hummous?

Based on what he did i would tell him he is taking the piss and give him chicken and cheese from now on!

2plus2more · 09/08/2010 11:40

Not always Stealth - no! I have the rest of the family to consider and if she's staying for instance for a week I don't see why we should all have to eat chicken every night just to suit her. There are always veg and carbohydrates available and if she wants something to replace the meat then she can sort it out herself. I should point out that I don't pander to my dad either who is a fussy eater and doesn't like things with much sauce or most vegetables. I will still make things with veg in them as it isn't fair on everyone else to have a limited diet for the sake of 1 person. Honestly - if I tried to keep everyone happy I'd be cooking 3 different meals every night! Maybe it's not such a big deal if you've a small family but when you're cooking for 8-12 people it's a bit different!

Original poster
GetOrfMoiLand · 09/08/2010 11:42

Oh is it normal for veggies and vegans to fall spectacularly off the wagon! He is acting like he has done something terrible. perhaps I will tell him that it is a vegan rite of passage.

He is 23 btw. He pays me keep money, out of which I buy food etc. Yes perhaps I should let him cook his own food, but to be honest I make a big song and dance about us all eating together as a family, so would not want to cook for just me, dd and DP and leave him out. It wouldn't feel very family-ish. Plus, yes, I can feel my hackles rising when someone makes toast and drops crumbs in my the kitchen, which also makes me not want to let him cook his own stuff. Perhaps I should unclench and let him carry on.

Oh I don't care much really, just came on here to have a moan, like I say we eat curry a lot in the week, it's not really that hard to make him a seperate chickpea one.

He is very sheepish. He showed me the evidence (lump of cheese with bitemark taken out of it, chicken bones in a bag).

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 09/08/2010 11:45

Grin @ cheese with bitemark

CuppaTeaJanice · 09/08/2010 11:45

Did he get pissed on vegan beer though?!!Grin

I used to have a vegan friend, and certain brands of beer were a big no-no for him - something to do with animal products being used in the production processConfused.

ISNT · 09/08/2010 11:46

Fair enough 2plus. Your original post made it sound a bit Shock

getorf Smile go easy on him. He must be feeing thorougly revolted with himself. And not just chicken/meat, but nandos

snowmash · 09/08/2010 11:47

It can still be a family meal...I was veggie from age 12 (not now), and this was only allowed by my mother if I cooked & organised my own (and generally I did make it so that it fitted with everyone else, both time wise and so I didn't have to do veg/potato/rice etc.) It was also good on special occasions, as then I could make myself something special (but veggie) too.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

needafootmassage · 09/08/2010 11:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ISNT · 09/08/2010 11:50

Some of my family are vegan.

Their children all went to cambridge.