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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to refuse to accommodate the grandparents?

61 replies

CheerfulSoul · 06/08/2010 20:29

I have a three bedroomed house and two kids. After the second one arrived and moved out of our room into the nursery, the first one moved into what was the spare room. Now we no longer have a spare room, which used to accommodate the grandparents who live 200 miles away.

AIBU to refuse to juggle the kids around? No one will get any sleep if we put one in our room. They can't go in together as the baby still has a night feed. And I don't particularly want to relinquish our own room and sleep on the floor in the living room.

I'm currently making the grandparents pay to stay in local accommodation when they visit, even though they're retired and are not earning. I feel guilty about making them pay so I offer to cover half the cost. AIBU?

OP posts:
emsyj · 06/08/2010 20:32

Buy an aerobed for the living room. They're really comfy and you can pack it away when you're not using it.

QS · 06/08/2010 20:32
Shock

YABU.

I really hope my children will not behave like that to me, or allow their partner to, when they grow up.

sapphireblue · 06/08/2010 20:33

I can't help thinking you're being a bit U, although I guess it depends how long they would stay for. Juggling the kids for a night or 2 is reasonable, a fortnight I would object to.

Librashavinganotherbiscuit · 06/08/2010 20:34

YABU, tbh in your position I would buy a double blow up bed that me and DH would use in the living room whilst grandparents used our bedroom.

expatinscotland · 06/08/2010 20:35

get a use Ektorp sofa with a bed. they're dead comfy with a memory foam topper!

YABU.

Pisces · 06/08/2010 20:36

YABU.

We always used to give up OUR bed to which ever set of grandparents came to stay and slept on a blow up bed downstairs.

How often do they come and see their grandchildren? You are not exactly making them feel welcome and, in years to come, will you be here saying how the GP's never come and see the children.

MrsWobbleTheWaitress · 06/08/2010 20:36

YABU

sanielle · 06/08/2010 20:36

YABU Go visit them if you have a problem. If they are going to pay for a hotel anyway you may find they sometimes rather go on holiday rather than be shoved to the side at yours

moondog · 06/08/2010 20:38

How bloody ridiculous. Of course the kids can go in together. Jesus!

nannynobnobs · 06/08/2010 20:38

My parents would always give their bed over to my grands and put up an airbed on the living room floor for themselves.

StewieGriffinsMom · 06/08/2010 20:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thighsmadeofcheddar · 06/08/2010 20:38

YABU. That is an awful way to treat your family. Get a sofa bed or something.

autumnishere · 06/08/2010 20:39

YABU i think seems mean and bet they love being around the kids in a family house,if its short term think would it really be that bad,id feel a bit hurt and maybe they could babysit one night if all agree

Morloth · 06/08/2010 20:39

I always wonder with posts like this if the OP is aware that their children are watching and are learning how to deal with their parents when they are adults.

When my Inlaws visit DH and I do what Libra said, we sleep on an airbed and they have our bed because FIL had dodgy hips and can't get up and down off an airbed.

If Mum is coming DS1 gets turfed out of his bed and either sleeps with us or on an airbed.

Unless this is an AIBU by stealth and they are really crazed nutters who hate you then YABU.

callalilies · 06/08/2010 20:40

YABU of course. If you have a baby still feeding in the night why will no one get any sleep if he/she goes in with you? Alternatively you give up your bed and sleep on an aerobed once in a while so they can visit.

undercovamutha · 06/08/2010 20:40

OP - YABU.
I live in a small 3 bedroom house, have 2 kids (4yo and 16m), and parents who regularly come to stay. We do the following:

Before DS was born, DD moved into her own room, and her bed is a small double. She would stay in 3rd bedroom on a small mattress when GPs stayed in her bed.

When DS arrived, for the first 5 months he was in our room, so we did as above, but brought nappies, changing mat, sleepsuits into our bedroom so that we didn't disturb DD.

When DS moved into his own room, for a while DD came into our bedroom (which is VERY small). She slept fine, although took a little longer to go to sleep, and woke us a bit earlier than normal.

Once DS was about 9 or 10m, he and DD started sharing a room when GPs stayed. They take about 30mins longer to get to sleep, and we get woken up about 30mins earlier. This is no incredible hardship, compared with how I would feel about my parents staying in a hotel (which they have offered to do so).

You need to be flexible OP, and think of others. Room sharing now and again is good practice for holidays, unless you intend only going on holidays where you each have your own room.

Longtalljosie · 06/08/2010 20:41

You know you're being unreasonable. Presumably when you stay with other people the baby goes in with you? Just put up with it or sleep on an airbed downstairs. If they're 200 miles away how often do they come? 3/4 times a year? Come on...

expatinscotland · 06/08/2010 20:42

Oh, yes, we sleep on the Ektorp couch bed. It's fine! We got it free from our old landlords who didn't want it.

My folks or the ILs sleep on our bed.

We also have an old double mattress with a memory foam topper for other guests, and a camp bed with teh same.

So we can have loads of folks over.

mitochondria · 06/08/2010 20:42

YABU. If the baby still has a night feed, he/she can go in your room. If not, put the children in together.

Our boys often take ages to get to sleep if we put them in together, so sometimes I put one in our bed, then transfer him before we go to bed. Once they're asleep it's fine.
We've got a blow-up bed.

Strangely, in-laws often prefer the hotel option as the boys get up rather early and make a lot of noise, and they like a leisurely morning!

It does depend a little on how long / often they are staying for. A weekend, fine. A fortnight - not so much.

Jasonthunderpants · 06/08/2010 20:42

YABU
let the kids sleep on the floor in your bedroom.
We make dd(4 1/2) a bed out of blankets in our room when we have people staying and we tell her it is a nest and she can pretend to be a mouse she loves it

Vallhala · 06/08/2010 20:44

YABU. You won't give up your bed for a few days for your/you DH's own parents?

Unless there's a history here and you really don't like the Grandparents, that's a really selfish attitude to take.

thisisyesterday · 06/08/2010 20:45

depends on the grandparents

neither my parents nor dp's parents would really want to sleep on a blow up bed, which is really the only option if you are taking over one of the kids rooms.
my mum has back problems and dp's parents are more elderly than mine

sofa bed doesn't work because they want to go to sleep while we still want to be up, and the children would come down at 6am and wake them up

far nicer for all concerned if they stay in a nice local hotel b&b

but, as I said at the beginning, only if THEY are happy/happier doing so

redglen · 06/08/2010 20:47

We have same set up and always let the GP's have our bedroom, we sleep in the living room on a sofa bed (originally on an air bed till we 'upgraded'. The only time they used a local hotel was when we were having major building work done to convert a 2 bedroom house to a 3 bedroom one - it was that or sleeping in a packing crate, so they opted for the hotel Smile. This is family, kids are usually happy to 'camp out' in each others rooms - and if they're not it's a good opportunity to teach them to be thoughtful of other people.

undercovamutha · 06/08/2010 20:48

My DCs love sharing a bedroom when GPs visit. DD especially likes her little floor bed.

And I totally recommend getting a small double bed permanently for one of the bedrooms. DD loves hers. Plenty of space for a hundred rag dolls/teddy bears, and yet big enough for GPs to sleep in.

Gracie123 · 06/08/2010 20:48

Have to say I agree with sapphire's point about how long they are staying. If they live 200 miles away and are retired I suspect the journey is quite tiring for them (my DH's granny sometimes visits us for long periods of time because the journey would be too much for her to do for a weekend visit.)

If they are staying for a long time I think it is reasonable to expect them to stay in a B&B (could you find out where is cheapest and nice and friendly for them?) but if it's only for a weekend I would definitely expect to give up a room for them.