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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my 2yr should say "biscuit please" not "biscuit *NOW*!"

26 replies

bintofbohemia · 06/08/2010 14:01

He is just 2 and says NOW a lot but today I have taken umbridge at this. He finished his lunch and bellowed "pudding NOW!" I said, "pudding please" and he just kept bellowing " NOW ". He's a bright lad and I'm fairly sure he understands that if he says please he will get, but he just kept repeating NOW so I didn't give it to him. He's not too bothered, he's asleep but I feel really tight now. But I also can't have him going about ordering things from people NOW!

Should I just give it to him when he wakes up? Was I BU?

OP posts:
foureleven · 06/08/2010 14:02

YANBU, he needs to stop being rude. I'd ignore him until he said please personally and no way would I give him a biscuit for saying 'biscuit now'

SalFresco · 06/08/2010 14:03

YANBU. Don't give him the biscuit. He'll learn much quicker Grin

Morloth · 06/08/2010 14:03

Nope, hold out for please.

latrucha · 06/08/2010 14:04

Either way I certainly wouldn't give it to him when he gets up. What's done is done and it wasn't a bad lesson to be taught.

But for the record, I don't think YABU.

shazbean · 06/08/2010 14:05

I think YANBU. Wee ones can learn manners at his age, it will not always work but he will learn to ask nicely for things and say thank you if you persevere. DD (3) made me a v proud mummy after being at a wedding recently and lots of people commented on how well-mannered she was - I was wondering if she would ever say please/thank you without being reminded!

Original poster
bintofbohemia · 06/08/2010 14:06

Oh good. I'm glad I'm not beign a nasty old bag. I think because he's my youngest I expect less of him which is unfair. Am sure I wouldn't have tolerated it from DS1. Just turned 2 is quite old enough to understand, isn't it?

OP posts:
ragged · 06/08/2010 14:13

As long as he can say the word "please".
Or the word "Biscuit", even, at least somewhat coherently.
Mine can't manage either yet.

I'd be satisfied if he said "Biscuit now, please".
Oh heck, who am I kidding? I'd be thrilled to bits if he said all that.

happypiglet · 06/08/2010 14:22

Gosh YANBU manners are becoming a forgotten artform.... if he can say the word he should! I am shocked that my DCs school reports comment on their good manners when such things used to be taken for granted!! Well done you...

miso · 06/08/2010 14:33

Remembers day we tried to make DD ask for "Ice Cream Please" not just "Ice Cream".

Couldn't understand why she just refused - & kept saying "NOT please - ICE CREAM".

Eventually she just yelled "DON'T WANT PEAS" and the penny dropped...

But yes, of course, hold out for "Please" if that's actually what he thinks you're asking Blush.

Aitch · 06/08/2010 14:37

i don't really care if dd, nearly two, can understand or not, she has to say please and thankyou or she's onto plums. (actually, i know she does understand because before she learned how to say please she used to ask for something and then pull a massive grin as a substitute please.)

i LOVE when children have good manners and always compliment schoolkids if they hold door open, all that sort of stuff. they always seem inordinately pleased. [old fuddy-duddy]

TonariNoTotoro · 06/08/2010 14:41

bintofbohemia - are you modelling behaviour? Saying please when you ask DS to do something?

Definitely hold out for please and thank you though, NOW isn't on (and yes I do think they can learn at this age, DS certainly did!)

hairytriangle · 06/08/2010 14:49

YANBU. And you are doing the right thing in demonstrating that now! doesn't get it ever but please just might. :)

sapphireblue · 06/08/2010 14:55
Grin

YWNBU.......I wouldn't give it either unless DD said please. Try not to get into an argument about it, just say "you can have a biscuit when you say please" and leave it at that IMO.

Firawla · 06/08/2010 16:34

yanbu i am trying to train mine with please too & he is the same age. otherwise if we just leave it before we know it they are 5 and going into school demanding things from the teachers rudely & never a please to anyone. its old enough to start learning

buzzin · 06/08/2010 17:31

Go with your first instinct, teach him manners early. My two have always been taught to say please & thank you & I always get comments from friends & family marveling at how polite they are. They never went without their pudding, it didn't take them long to work it out.

Blondeshavemorefun · 06/08/2010 17:51

yanbu to want to teach manners and for not giving biscuit

but yabu if you now feel guilt and want to give him the biscuit when he wakes up

children learn by copying, so every time ds says now,say thats not how we ask, you say a biscuit please

it will sink in, and esp if he can say please and thank you

my 25mth dc (so just 2) wouldnt say please or thank you for a while,tho i knew she could say it, so i refused to give her whatever she wanted till she asked nicely by either saying please or thank you

a few days was all it took Grin

Duritzfan · 06/08/2010 18:05

YANBU .. my niece says "drink now" and "has just progressed to "get me drink" "get me juice" .. she is three and it really winds me up ...her mum just does what she's told by her dd but when she's at ours I say quite pointedly - " say please sweetie "
there's not much worse than a toddler who demands...

my ds struggled with please but he still learned to say"please" ..and before that he said ta ..I know its not great but its miles better than nothing ..!

thisisyesterday · 06/08/2010 18:10

you are being a bit unreasonable. he's only just 2!!!

do YOU always say please and thank you?

also worth remmebering that he may just be copying you. so, if generally you say to him "would you like pudding now?"
then he is just copying you!

Original poster
bintofbohemia · 06/08/2010 18:34

Well - pleased to report that I now have a child that will say please. And sometimes thank you! How's that for quick work?! Am very pleased - thanks for the advice and not letting me crack! Grin

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 06/08/2010 18:47

YANBU.

DS (just 2) is very capable of saying please and thank you, and does so most of the time. Occasionally we get a 'NOW' bellowed at us, but I always make him ask properly.

We have started getting 'oh yes please Mummy' which makes me Grin

lecce · 06/08/2010 19:43

I think YABabitU.

He is still very young and, while it is certainly the right time to begin teaching manners I wouldn't expect 100% complicance at this age.

Being a good role model is the best thing you can do. With ds1 at this age I used to explain how nice it was to say 'please' and thank you but I did not get into any battles over it. He is now 3.5 and nearly always says 'thank you' and says 'please' often. As a pp says, no one says please and thank you all the time. I certainly would not accept him saying 'Biscuit now!' now but they grow out of that anyway, it's typical 2yr old -speak.

I think it highly unlikely that he would remember the incident when he wakes and connect everything and think "Oh I don't need to say please to get a biscuit." He's only 2 fgs! I don't see why you couldn't give him a 'new' biscuit without reference to the past!

atmywitssend · 06/08/2010 19:54

YANBU - if he can say biscuit he can say please. My DS (2.6) gets nothing unless he says please.

SgtAngua · 06/08/2010 21:06

YANBU to start teaching him to ask for things nicely.

Grin @ "Don't want peas!"

mumbar · 06/08/2010 21:24

When he's got the idea I found (actually still find Smile) when ds asked for something 'rudely' I simply said try again. It kinda kept it positive iyswim.

BTW IMO YANBU Grin

Meglet · 06/08/2010 21:31

YANBU. You'll crack the 'pleases' in a week or so if you stand firm and make him ask nicely.