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AIBU?

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Original poster

to be slightly narked with MIL

24 replies

loveulotslikejellytots · 06/08/2010 10:36

This is my first post on MN after lurking for a while. DH and I got married last month (Starting TTC in the next month or two), and I love his parents but for some reason his Mum really knows how to wind me up!

DH's uncle did a DVD for us of the wedding, which wont be ready for a while, which is fine. But he sent MIL a disc of photos which he also took. He sent this 2 weeks ago. He phoned us to see if we liked them the other day and we knew nothing about them Confused so I phoned MIL and she said she had the disc and would drop it round.

Our home PC is broken so not been on fb for over a month, I went on it last night at my Mum's and there are loads of comments on my page and DH's from MIL's work friends, saying how lovely the photos looked. She's taken the disc into work and shown everyone and put them up on fb before we've even seen them. She has also got a guy at work to do her 7 copies (yes 7!!) which she has sent to random friends! Not even family!

This isn't a major issue i know but it wound me up slightly. I'm going to have a word with her tonight, (a nice polite word), but DH is fuming (surprisingly this isn't out of the ordinary for her to do things like this). I'm quite a laid back person, but I dont want DH causing a row if it's not needed. Should I be more worked up?

OP posts:
Altinkum · 06/08/2010 10:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MandyMcFly · 06/08/2010 10:42

It would bother me! How rude...you should have been the first person to see them! YANBU!

Altinkum · 06/08/2010 10:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
loveulotslikejellytots · 06/08/2010 10:47

Altinkum - I know what you're saying and i'm the same, I have some brilliant memories, but I have elderly relatives that couldn't come to the wedding (and I very much doubt they are on fb) I wanted to send them some photo's as soon as I had some. MIL knew that. Just narked me she didn't take that into consideration while she spent 2 weeks uploading photos to fb and making copies to send to friends.

I think i'm going to let DH go on his own tonight, I dont think i'll be any use!

OP posts:
Lulumaam · 06/08/2010 10:48

actually, i'd be a bit miffed too

i really think the bride and groom should take precedence over anyone else, to see the pics, especially before they are put on facebook and taken to work etc

my cousin got married last week, i have loads of pics, but not put any up on FB as the bride has not put any up yet

i think it is common courtesy to let the bride and groom revel in the pictures and decide who sees what before they are public knowledge

your dh's uncle could have sent you a DVD too surely?

i would also be v v cross she has given copeis to friends and not you

YANBU, it is thoughtless showing off on her part

Original poster
loveulotslikejellytots · 06/08/2010 11:12

DH's uncle sent it with a card and parcel for FIL's birthday, so he can be forgiven for that.

Just have to wait and see what mood Dh is in tonight! I might go with him to make sure he doesn't upset her too much she's quite annoying sensitive.

OP posts:
MmeRedWhiteandBlueberry · 06/08/2010 11:16

Cut her some slack - she is just playing the proud MIL role.

mumeeee · 06/08/2010 11:24

Were the photos that your Dh's uncle sent to your MIL the only ones you had taken? or did you have an oficial photogropher? If these photos are just some extra ones and are your uncles own ones. Then it's fine for your MIL to have them and not shown you yet. Lots of my Daughter friends and our relations took photos at her wedding. They put them on facebook without shoeing them to her first and she wasn't at all botherede. She did have an oficial photograpehr and has an album and a CD of these photos. She has let us copy the CD with the photographers permission but we are not alloed to put those on facebook.

BonniePrinceBilly · 06/08/2010 11:27

I thought Bridezillas usually slunk off sheepishly after the honeymoon? Now as well as its your day you can do anything you like, now its I should see the pictures first, I should decide who MIL should send them too....me me me me.

Original poster
loveulotslikejellytots · 06/08/2010 12:24

lol i'm not being bridezilla, we paid for the photography package we could afford, which didn't cover as much of the day as we would have liked. Dh's uncle did the DVD and some photo's as a favour, and my problem isn't with MIL looking at them, it's more that she didn't tell us she had them, then held onto them knowing I wanted to send some to relatives that couldn't be there.

If she had phoned and said, "the disc has arrived, do you want to get a few printed off to send out, and give it back so I can make a few copies for my friends" that would have been fine. Our 'proper' ones wont be ready for another few weeks yet, and you know how great aunt sal can get the hump because she's not seen any pictures yet.

OP posts:
Lulumaam · 06/08/2010 15:23

i don't think it's bridezillaish to , as the bride ,wnat to see th wedding pics before MIL's random friends Hmm

Pancakeflipper · 06/08/2010 15:28

What's your relationship like with her usually?

Is this her ousting you or is it her being so wrapped up in the excitement of the wedding she's been a little thoughtless but not meant to be unkind?

curlymama · 06/08/2010 15:30

It's not being bridezilla ish to want to see your own wedding pictures before a load of randoms that MIL wants to show off to! I'd be fuming, and I think you are being far too reasonable. I think your DH has every reason to be as angry as he wants, it was his wedding too!

sweetcat · 06/08/2010 15:33

This would really wind me up, for the principle more than anything. You and DH should definitely see them before her work friends.

Not Bridezilla-ish at all, I don't blame your DH for being annoyed. Good luck with having a word with her.

prozacfairy · 06/08/2010 15:36

YANBU- how cheeky! I would be pissed off too and probably have been a bit snotty about it by now, but then my own now ex-MIL really got under my skin.

Original poster
loveulotslikejellytots · 06/08/2010 16:13

Pancakeflipper - Our relationship is normally pretty good, I think she's trying to adjust to DH having a wife instead of a girlfriend which I understand. There has been the odd remark about him not having a cooked dinner every night (sorry we both work 40+ hour weeks), or the ironing piling up etc etc. i take it with a pinch of salt, I understand that no one is going to be exactly perfect for her DS! lol!

I dont want to hurt her feelings or anything, I understand DH is her only son and it's the only time she's going to be able to get excited etc. I just wished she had called me to say she had them, I could have got a few printed off and had them back to her within an hour.

Dh had calmed down a bit by lunch tme, he called her to say she's been a bit out of line and he'll be over in about 10 minutes to pick it up as he's going past her office soon... she said "i'm going round Joan's tonight showing her... can you pick it up Monday instead..." lol safe to say I think DH blew a gaskett... he now has the disc though...

OP posts:
Al1son · 06/08/2010 16:20

Perhaps some well placed comments on FB about how lovely the pics are and how you can't wait to see the rest when you get hold of the CD would prompt a little thought/embarrassment/comments from her friends. This could be an effective but less confrontational way to raise it.

BlingLoving · 06/08/2010 16:24

This is exactly the kind of thing my MIL would do. Maybe not the facebook/friends thing - but definitely the part about getting the CD and just not mentioning it to us. Or if she did, she'd go into a complete flap about how she's going to get them to us.

I have no advice though. Sorry. Deep breaths! At least DH is on your side.

Pancakeflipper · 06/08/2010 16:24

Well done to your DH on showing mummy he will stand no silliness. Firm and fair. She's brought him up well!

GeekOfTheWeek · 06/08/2010 18:31

I would be very pissed off.

LucyLouLou · 06/08/2010 19:36

I'd be seriously annoyed, but at the same time, my instinct says she is not being malicious and a gentle talking to will solve this. She's out of order for sure, but I don't think she's done it to hurt you. I could be wrong, but I hope not!

Marjee · 06/08/2010 21:01

This sounds exactly the sort of thing my MIL would do. She gets so excited about things like this and wants to show off to her friends so I try not to be too harsh on her. Its good that your dh got the disc back and she knows she crossed the line. I think sometimes parents and inlaws forget what its like to be in your situation. My FIL took our memory card out of our camera without our knowledge when ds was born and posted pictures on facebook of me and ds 2 minutes after the birth, still covered in blood and wearing just a sheet! Dh shouted at him about that but funnily enough he didn't see what the problem was Shock

Marjee · 06/08/2010 21:14

Sorry went off on a bit of a tangent there! Op yanbu or bridezillaish at all, congratulations on your wedding!

tokyonambu · 06/08/2010 21:35

Yet again, Facebook showing how it contributes to family harmony with all the benefits of passing notes in the playground.

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