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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect my good friend to be more enthusiastic/politeabout our new house?

59 replies

notasize10yetbutoneday · 04/08/2010 08:54

DH & I have bought a new house which needs complete renovation/redecoration, which we are in the process of doing. We have re-decorated both bathrooms, the hall,stairs and landing and 2 of the bedrooms so far.

We had 2 of our very good friends (a couple) round for dinner last night and showed them the house, which they hadn't seen since we first bought it (ie they hadn't seen the renovations).

Im now feeling really quite upset- irrationally so I know-as my friend (the woman of the couple)just was very lukewarm indeed about the house and the work we've done on it, despite knowing what a big deal it is to us. She even made what I felt to be a couple of barbed comments about the new bathroom, saying "Its different- very striking and "its not the kind of thing i thought you would have gone for".

Just to put it in context, the bathroom is tiled with grey tiles and dark grey tiled floor- not luminous pink with yellow spots or anything!!!

I feel so upset by her lack of enthusiasm about this and the rest of the house. Its not like I expected them to walk in, and fall to their knees in awe or anything but I feel really affronted, and that they could have been a lot more enthusiastic or at least polite, even if something isn't to their taste. Their house isn't my taste, as its very, very minamilist, but whenever they have had something done to the house I always ooh and ahhh over it- as I know they like it and its the done thing, surely?

OP posts:

compo · 04/08/2010 08:57

Does it really matter? Some people find it hard to enthuse about decor, I'm one of them, doesn't mean I'm rude

Goblinchild · 04/08/2010 08:58

You friend has different tastes to you, and different manners. Please don't design your home around other people's opinions, it's your home.

'"It's different- very striking and "it's not the kind of thing i thought you would have gone for"
is the kind of comment I relish, so much better than being mundane and predictable.

maryz · 04/08/2010 08:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TrillianAstra · 04/08/2010 08:59

Jealous? Or just not very good at recognising that different people have different taste?

websticks · 04/08/2010 09:00

she is jealous! Dont let it bother you its her problem not yours.

FlyMeToDunoon · 04/08/2010 09:01

Yes maybe a tinge of jealousy.

Kathyjelly · 04/08/2010 09:03

It really doesn't matter what she said. I bet you got a huge rush of pride and satisfaction when you finished the bathroom. That's what counts.

dinkystinky · 04/08/2010 09:03

It's your home, not theirs. Dont let your friend's opinions - or lack of them - affect you. Design the home the way YOU want to - and know that you will feel so happy and proud when your project is all done.

Original poster

notasize10yetbutoneday · 04/08/2010 09:03

Compo, agreed, some pople aren't bothered about decorating/home furnsihings etc, but she definitely is one of those people whovery much are, hence me expecting a much warmer response.

excellent point Goblinchild- I DO want to live somewhere 'interesting' that isn't necessarily straight out of a showhome orcatalougue.

Maryz that is so RUDE! Why do people not think before they pen their mouths?

Trillian I think you may have it spot on with your second point- she is very much 'everywhere should be beige'- her home is quite literally a page from the Next catalogue- and don't get me wrong it is very stylish- but as you say i think she thinks there is only one way to decorate a home.

OP posts:

Original poster

notasize10yetbutoneday · 04/08/2010 09:04

x-post with others. You are totally right, DH keeps saying 'but we like it' (actually i lurrrrve it but Im a saddo)and that is absolutely what counts.

OP posts:

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 04/08/2010 09:06

i understand, when we decorated DD's nursery, we were really thrilled with it, BIL and SIL came to visit and did not say a WORD when we showed them it, just looked at each other in a "this is horrible" sort of way.

Still rankles, 4 years later, tbh, they could have tried to say something nice, at least your friend did I suppose.

LauraNorder · 04/08/2010 09:06

I agree, a big of jealousy creeping in there.

Or she doesn't really like it. Don't take it personally, life would be so boring if everyone liked the same things. Love your house, decorate how you want it, you've got to live there. Don't be influenced by others. (FWIW I think your bathroom sounds lovely)

Sill think her reaction was due to jealousy though. Good luck with the rest of your decorating

Original poster

notasize10yetbutoneday · 04/08/2010 09:08

I don't get it, Fanjo. its just POLITE, surely? And even more so with something as important to you as a nursery!! I am really shocked by that, surely people can at least feign some manner of enthusiasm when something is important to a friend?

OP posts:

Goblinchild · 04/08/2010 09:09

'she is very much 'everywhere should be beige'- her home is quite literally a page from the Next catalogue'

My house would definitely give her nightmares then. Beige is an under-represented colour here.

Original poster

notasize10yetbutoneday · 04/08/2010 09:09

Aw thanks, LauraNorder (excellent name!). As its the first time we've done a project like this I think I am a bit sensitive and wanting everyone to love it as much as I do, but of course life isn't like that I realise.

OP posts:

LostArt · 04/08/2010 09:10

Some people are like that though. In the 20 years I've known her, I've never heard my MIL say anything positive about anything or anybody. She's just naturally unenthusiastic.

But, i agree she is probably just jealous, or has something on her mind.

LauraNorder · 04/08/2010 09:10

My friend has a fairly good eye when it comes to decorating rooms. Most of her house is lovely, nice colours, modern ideas but her bedroom is bloody awful - feels like a boudoir, very opressive IMO - DH would refuse to sleep there I think! But she loves it so that's great.........for her

compo · 04/08/2010 09:11

Do you think the couple who didn't comment on the nursery had some ttc issues?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 04/08/2010 09:16

compo, no, they had a child, conceived easily, now have 3!

They are just quite rude tbh!

teaandcakeplease · 04/08/2010 09:21

Could be they had a big arguement in the car on the way and she was stewing all night about that, which affected her attitude to everything else?

Try not to let it bother you. Agree with GoblinChilds post.

anonymousbird · 04/08/2010 09:23

We had something very similar recently, done loads of work on part of our garden, done it all ourselves, it is completely different from before, but we are really pleased with it - the look is exactly what we wanted. There is a small fence/screen at one end to shield our bin area.

A friend came round and said, "Gosh, this is looking different" and almost immediately "wow, I like the fence". And that was it. The fence is nothing, bog standard boarding, not even painted yet, not part of the "design" simply at one end to shield the bins so I was a bit . He said nothing else.

So I understand why the comment smarts a bit, it wasn't what I was expecting either to be honest, but that was last week and I now chuckle about it.

But we love it, and can look at it and say "we did that with our bare hands" and it's almost finished so I am really chuffed.

Be proud of your work, and if you like it, then fantastic.

Megatron · 04/08/2010 09:26

Maybe there was a touch of jealousy or maybe she genuinely like it but didn't want to say? doesn't matter one way the other really does it? I'm sure my friends hate my house but I don't care! You just enjoy YOUR house and to hell with what anyone else thinks.

Megatron · 04/08/2010 09:26

*didn't like it.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 04/08/2010 09:27

notasize10yetbutoneday - yes, and I had had major TTC issues which they knew about, and had gone with them to look at nursery stuff for their child when she was pregnant.

tyler80 · 04/08/2010 09:30

YABU I don't see anything wrong with the comments to be honest. I'd far rather someone say that or "not to my taste" than weak platitudes.

I'm comfortable enough with my own likes and dislikes not to need the positive reinforcement from others.

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