My ds is 1 and a bit. My mil and fil live an hour away. They are nice people, and they dote on ds. They are eager to look after him, but only at their house. When I first went back to work I asked mil if she'd like to look after ds, as she'd been assuming, before I arranged alternative childcare. She said only if he came to them, which is dificult as I don't drive and he at the time was exclusively breastfed and didn't take a bottle. So I arranged alt childcare.
Now everytime we use other childcare they say "you should just bring him over to us" . I don't know why they won't come over here! It is much harder for us to take him there, means he's away for much longer and is difficult for me emotionally (pfb!).
Now I know that I need to be able to leave him, and I want him to know and love his grandparents and enjoy staying at their house. So we do go over and stay regularly and stay. But each time they get narky that we've brought stuff with us to use in preference to what theyhave there. (ie our travelcot, rather than their ancient one. Ds's teddies he cuddles in bed rather than the one's they have there). I get taken the mickey out of for bringing tomuch stuff (a travel cot and day ruck sack!)
However, I do want ds to stay with them, and I know I have to get used to it for his sake, so last weekend we left him overnight there for the first time. Again when I arrived they had their cot set up, and I had to explain again I wanted to use ours. They hurried me off, told me to go he'd be fine when I'd wantedto help settle him and put him to bed. But ok I went with it. Came back the next day toget him, and it transpired that they'd not put him to bed till 930pm, when he normally goes at 7. Apparently he looked like he wanted to come downstairs and play! And we picked him up at teatime, and mil had already bathed him and put him in his pyjamas because he had a "stinky bum" and not fed him. So by the time we got home, he was starving, so after dinner wouldn't go to bed till 10 ish. And then for the next week he wouldn't goto bed till 9.
Now I suppose disruption is the price to pay for free childcare and ds having loving grandparents. But is it too much to ask they follow a basic routine of tea, bath and bed by 7?
They are both fit and well, in their 60s, don't work and both drive. Is it also unreasonable for them to come here tolook after him?
Sometimes it feels they just want him on their own, in their own house and on their own terms? Why?