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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

police community support officers 'helpful' parenting advice!

55 replies

itsybitsy08 · 30/07/2010 13:28

Was walking back home after visiting the shops today and witnessed this (yes im nosy!)

Two community support officers dithering outside of a house on a quiet street where a baby was alseep in his pram in the gated front garden - no parent around.

They looked like two 12 year old boys and decided after a while to knock on the door and inform the mother that she was being totally irresponsable and did she know what could of happened...

She was sitting in the front room where she could see baby from window!

She was non too pleased with their helpful advice and told them so in non too uncertain terms!

Yes i was walking slowly so i could see what happened!

I didnt blame her for this and think she was right in saying that they should maybe be up the park instead concertrating their efforts on the underage drinkers as its the school holidays!

Were we being unreasonable? What would your response have been?

OP posts:

BoysAreLikeDogs · 30/07/2010 13:31

They didn't know that the parent was indoors observing so of course they were concerned as indeed would have been most people, non?

YABU

emy72 · 30/07/2010 13:31

all I can say is - crikey I have done this zillions of times. Granted, I do live in a rural village in the middle of nowhere, but still I have done it a lot.

I think they were very unreasonable and she did right to tell them so. Unless there is a history of child snatching in the area/known paedophiles, and maybe that's why they were uber concerned?

BarmyArmy · 30/07/2010 13:31

Big Brother is watching you.

Chil1234 · 30/07/2010 13:32

Tricky..... I think I used to be OK with baby asleep in pram in back garden (latched side-gate) but I would have been less sure about front garden, gated or not. I'm sure the 'risk' is all in the mind, having said that. PC's right to inquire if everything is OK but not right to use a phrase like 'totally irresponsible'....

mrspear · 30/07/2010 13:32

Well i have done this at my nan's (ds great nan) but only after she and my mum convinced me it will good for him! And my mum was watching him _ this was all on a south east London council estate.

I think this is a case where there is no "rule" - just do what you are happy with

KurriKurri · 30/07/2010 13:34

I think if they were concerned for the baby they were right to express their concern and look for the mother. maybe they were a bit over zealous on this occasion, but better that than get it wrong the other way.

And they may have looked like 12 yr olds, but they obviously weren't. Maybe they patrol the park as well.

I think I'd just have said thanks very much but the baby's fine I'm watching him.

scurryfunge · 30/07/2010 13:35

What Kurri said

Al1son · 30/07/2010 13:43

If she could see the baby why didn't she come out when they came over to the pram? Let's face it they could have picked up the baby and walked away instead and she probably wouldn't have been any the wiser for a while.

Plenty of people critised the MsCanns for leaving their children sleeping inside an apartment but at least passers by wouldn't have stumbled across their children by chance.

It is a small risk to take bit I wouldn't ever leave a baby where they could be whisked away like that. It really isn't difficult to put a pram in the back garden instead. We do lots of things to make tiny risks even smaller for our children when the consequences would be catastrophic and I think this is one time we should be doing just that.

ShatnersBassoon · 30/07/2010 13:43

If there were two official-looking men dithering around my front garden, I would be out there like a shot, especially if the baby had been in the pram. Perhaps she couldn't see outside as well as she thought.

Anyway, are you sure they told her she was totally irresponsible? It doesn't sound typical of people who work with the community to be so blunt and critical. Perhaps they'd seen a strange lady lurking around, seemingly spying on people at their front doors, listening intently to conversations that were none of her business and needed to warn her

I'd have thanked them for their concern, but explained the baby was safe.

MoonUnitAlpha · 30/07/2010 13:47

If they were concerned, then knocking on the door to check everything was ok is fair enough.

Telling her she was irresponsible is too far though, I'd have sent them on their way too.

porcamiseria · 30/07/2010 13:48

you cant win

had they said nothihg, sods the law the Mum would have been asleep drunk and some predatory person would have stolen the baby

anastaisia · 30/07/2010 13:52

I agree that knocking was reasonable. But they should have just said 'ok, just wanted to check. Bye' instead of giving her their opinions of her choices.

SomeGuy · 30/07/2010 13:52

oh FFS, the baby was apparently left alone, they found out what was going on, everything was ok, job done.

Not every intervention has to involve the door being kicked down.

SomeGuy · 30/07/2010 13:54

and the residents have probably complained that the police spend all their time in 'problem areas' and not enough time walking the beat on the more 'pleasant' roads. Can't win, some people should stop whining.

Original poster

itsybitsy08 · 30/07/2010 14:01

Satnersbassoon are you calling me strange? Haha!

Yeah i think they should of knocked to check (if they hadnt and something had happened i would probably be the one in the papers saying 'oooh i saw them but they walked past and did nothing) , but then went on their way when all was fine!

Someguy i think she pointed that out as a quick easy retort to her parenting choices being attacked rather than a genuine whine!

OP posts:

Blahrahrah · 30/07/2010 14:07

Why do people put the baby outside to sleep? Am I missing something here and being a bad mummy?

Chil1234 · 30/07/2010 14:09

Fresh air!!!! They love it. And, if your baby started out with some jaundice, it's a good remedy as well.

MrsGangly · 30/07/2010 15:17

YABU.

A baby was on its own without any adults. They wanted to check everything was okay.

Her rude behaviour to them in response to this was also unreasonable.

Morloth · 30/07/2010 15:28

YABU, if she was watching so closely how come she didn't go out to see what they wanted? Wouls someone really sit in the window watching two uniformed people hanging around her front garden when her baby was out the front?

Blahrahrah My babies have both slept best outside. DS2 is currently asleep in his pram in our little side passage area, sleeps much better and longer outside.

Mowiol · 30/07/2010 15:28

Hopefully her rude behaviour won't put them off checking things like this in future? The OP says "quiet" street but even so a front garden could be more hazardous than a back garden. I'm thinking cars mounting pavements and ending up in gardens etc. Call me paranoid but that happened at our old house before we lived there and our two were only put out into the very secure back garden right at kitchen window. We didn't know the story of the car in the garden until after we had moved in but the back garden seemed safer anyway.

treas · 30/07/2010 15:35

My own mother was left in the back garden in a pram when she was young.

However, all hell broke loose when one day they couldn't find her - apparently one of the neighbours had lifted her out and taken her down the road as a treat but forgot to mention it to my Gran.

The local bobby definitely came into his own then!

belgo · 30/07/2010 15:43

She wasn't observing very well if she didn't see the police officers loitering around the baby.

claw3 · 30/07/2010 15:48

Im not getting the leaving a baby outside to sleep either.

Cats and foxes spring to mind.

PosieParker · 30/07/2010 15:55

Wasn't empty though as the OP was there and funny that the woman vigilantly watching her baby missed the Police. That's what Police are for, to check that everything's okay. when my cousin was asleep in a pram in my garden, as a child, a dog visiting the neighbours scaled a six foot fence to get in the pram.

YABU

MorrisZapp · 30/07/2010 15:57

Canny win can they.

One one hand we have threads raging about why does nobody ever intervene any more, bring back community spirit etc.

Yet when somebody actually does do just that, it's how dare you tell me how to look after my child.

YABU.

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