to not be able to stand the sight of myself at my massive fuck up?

[Ladyanonymous]

I am my own worst enemy - but I need a safe place to purge and ask AIBU to want to dissapear in a darkened hole for a couple of years?

Ex moved in with his gf two years ago - always massive probs - she had a kid in care - accused me of using my position to find out info about her from SS (sent really personal info about me to head of HR and cheif exec including private emails between my ex and I - humilation at its height - I was totally exhonerted) tried to have me arrested for harrassment in my own home in front of my kids had me breathylzed on the school run etc etc. Kids go there every other weekend - because they choose to although they know that they don't have to.

Often they come back complaining about her behaviour, often she critisises them, "punishes" them for things they haven't done etc but they still choose to go as they want to see their dad.

She drives up and down my road quite often and recently has taken on work in my road so drives past my house - when she lives about 6 miles away.

Recently things between us have calmed and we have managed to be cordial (ex and I). I have been quite unwell for the last 6 months with a chronic illness which is being treated. He is taking kids away in a few weeks for a week and I am going abroad with my OH for my first holiday in 6 years and I really need the break.

I left work last week and got drunk. Think two years of built up frustration came to the surface and in my pissed up haze thought "she can't touch me anymore" and wrote on her FB wall (we are not friends) exactly what I thought of her . I am totally ashamed of myself.

I have apologised for what I did several times.

He has obviously gone mental and has made me tell the kids what I have done (before he told them himself) and is now refusing to have the kids at the agreed access times. Kids devastated and cannot understand why they are being punished for something I have done (they want to go and see him and are scared they may lose their holiday with him).

Meaning I have now also fucked up my own holiday too - and will lose the money and a much needed break .

AIBU to hate myself and feel like a complete twunt?

oh lady how horrible. he doesn't deserve to know your children, and they deserve a much better dad than him what a tosser.

I would warn the police about that, to be honest. If they know in advance that he's making threats like that then they might be a little more sympathetic to you if he does something, besides which he/they has history of doing it.

I can't believe what I've read in this thread. I'm a stepmum and love my DSC, they're an extension of the man I love, a part of my own children, there is no way I could ever behave like that and I'd have serious words if my OH behaved like that!

What a complete fuckwit.

Frankly I think you should just ignore the comments re his relationship. Tempting though it might be to say 'and I care why??' or to say that you hope it doesn't etc... just ignore, ignore, ignore...

I agree with Dittany about repeating what he says to you about the kids - send him a text confirming details (and from now on, if you don't already, keep every text he sends you).

I'm with confuddled re the police as well. I'd ring the local station and say 'I'm a bit afraid of my ex, he seems to have lost the plot a bit, he's told me not to take the kids to his house or he'll call the police' etc etc - lay it on a bit thick without lying and make sure they 'put it on file', just so there's some 'history' there if you need it later on.

Be honest with the kids about what he is doing/saying, there is nothing to be gained by glossing over his behaviour.

I'm sorry this means your parents having them when they could do without it, but your kids sound lovely and I'm sure they'll behave themselves.

Try not to feel bad about what's happened - it has all been brewing for a long time. I'm sure she's upset/pissed off - but you just have to remember all the times she's done nasty things to you... and don't feel bad ok x

The way I see it re: Facebook - whatever it takes!! Your job is to protect yourself and your family and sometimes you have to do whatever it takes so the BULLY gets the message. Basically the message she got was -don't mess with me or my kids - or else!! Nothing wrong with that.

When I split up with my XH he wouldn't let me have anything from the house (IE clothes, personal possessions, he'd changed the locks on me when I went to see my parents one day). My solicitor kept asking his for things and all I got back was a bag of rubbish (literally a black bag full of household rubbish). So one day my mum took me over there, I knocked on the door, was polite etc. We saw him make a phone call and not long later the police turned up.

His solicitor had advised him if I came round to ring the police and say that someone was trying to break in and was threatening him, trying to brick the window etc.

When I read what you wrote it reminded me of him which is why I suggested preempting him. I now have a DV record against me (even though I wasn't arrested or anything).

Yes I work with the police which is why they tried to have me arrested before I think - so I may log it just in case as I start a really good job in Sep which will also be working with the police.

He was never like this with me - he adored me he was on holiday from NZ when we met and never went back.

He was devastated when I said our marriage was over.

I think its her who is very controlling and he is terrified of losing her and being alone again, as he wasn't happy when he was alone.

I wish I could tell him "He's one of the most idiotic people I've ever heard about on Mumsnet"

Confuddled - that's awful Did you ever get any of your stuff? I would have broken in when I knew he was out, I couldn't bear not to have my 'sentimental' stuff....

LA - in that case you have to go and talk to them, you can't take the risk of it affecting your new job!

It's all a bit sad really isn't it But hey, I guess there must have been a reason your marriage was over and that was before she was on the scene.

Maybe one day you can tell him what Dittany said (and bearing in mind she's all over these thread, that's saying something!!

And Confuddled I agree that is awful. Unless its DV its bloody horrifying when an ex calls the bloody police on you.

My two older ones took the younger one (he was 7) upstairs and put him to bed and read him stories while they spoke to me .

She worked with him but was not the reason our marriage ended.

LOL we did in the end! I got a lot of stuff back, a lot of stuff that I just couldn't get at that I was upset about losing.

I agree, need to make sure it's logged as it could affect your job if he calls the police on you.

Definitely agree with Dittany! You should forward him this thread lol

Just to update -

Threatened to withdraw all future access permanently and make him regain it through court - as he wouldn't have a leg to stand on after this w/e.

He has now "decided" that he will continue to honour our agreement.

Not sure whether IABU to continue to allow them to go but when I told them they were "allowed" to go to their dads this week I had two beaming faces.

So for now some semblance of normality is restored for my DCs.

Had no thanks or aknowlegement of the flowers from her.

Lady you are a better person then me as I would stop the kids going to his full stop.

Can I retract my apology and tell her to stick the flowers up her great big fat cavernous arse?

Have recieved a letter from her solicitor today threatening me with this that and the other harrassment, police etc etc.

She wants me to stop him coming to DD's b'day party at my house on Saturday I reckon.

I'm doing no such thing. He is coming if I have to stick a fucking coat hanger in my mouth in order to look at him and smile.

I have cleared off my kitchen notice board and pinned the letter firmly to the centre of it.

Argh...sorry just using this as a space to have a rant as I can't anywhere else as when I do my great big mouth gets me into trouble!!

DD just said last night (their dad had them over) the stupid cow refused to speak to any of the kids, only grunting at them when they said "hi how are you" (a lot of the stuff I wrote on her wall was things the kids had told me I know I know ). She went out shortly after they arrived leaving him with all her kids to and returned after they were all in bed.

He is taking them away now but she is refusing to go (DD is like "what a result! "). He sent me a text accusing me of "ruining the atmosphere in his home" and making comments about my "mental state"

Then he said to them (and this is what has really pissed me off ) that "its highly unlikely that she will be joining us on holiday but if she does you'd better mind your ps and qs otherwise she might tell you what she really thinks of your mother"

I have no choice but to send them there as I have arranged my working hours around his access times and I have no family close by to help out.

But I'm sending my kids into an almost abusive situation