to not be able to stand the sight of myself at my massive fuck up?

[Ladyanonymous]

I am my own worst enemy - but I need a safe place to purge and ask AIBU to want to dissapear in a darkened hole for a couple of years?

Ex moved in with his gf two years ago - always massive probs - she had a kid in care - accused me of using my position to find out info about her from SS (sent really personal info about me to head of HR and cheif exec including private emails between my ex and I - humilation at its height - I was totally exhonerted) tried to have me arrested for harrassment in my own home in front of my kids had me breathylzed on the school run etc etc. Kids go there every other weekend - because they choose to although they know that they don't have to.

Often they come back complaining about her behaviour, often she critisises them, "punishes" them for things they haven't done etc but they still choose to go as they want to see their dad.

She drives up and down my road quite often and recently has taken on work in my road so drives past my house - when she lives about 6 miles away.

Recently things between us have calmed and we have managed to be cordial (ex and I). I have been quite unwell for the last 6 months with a chronic illness which is being treated. He is taking kids away in a few weeks for a week and I am going abroad with my OH for my first holiday in 6 years and I really need the break.

I left work last week and got drunk. Think two years of built up frustration came to the surface and in my pissed up haze thought "she can't touch me anymore" and wrote on her FB wall (we are not friends) exactly what I thought of her . I am totally ashamed of myself.

I have apologised for what I did several times.

He has obviously gone mental and has made me tell the kids what I have done (before he told them himself) and is now refusing to have the kids at the agreed access times. Kids devastated and cannot understand why they are being punished for something I have done (they want to go and see him and are scared they may lose their holiday with him).

Meaning I have now also fucked up my own holiday too - and will lose the money and a much needed break .

AIBU to hate myself and feel like a complete twunt?

Yes, it's not often I use it.

YABU to let your DCs go there in the first place.

I think he was lonely and in a financial mess and she offered financial security and kind of "organised" his life for him.

I often feel its quite an abusive relationship and that she has a lot of control over him and he is scared of her - and of being kicked out of "her house" if he doesn't tow the line.

I never force the kids to go there - they know they have a choice.

Jesus Lady.

YANBU to feel extremely ashamed of this behaviour - it's really quite infantile - and does sound like you're a bit unstable too. Keep away from temptation if drunk! But what is done is done.

Your OH is BU too, to take it out on the kids is disgusting.

typical bloody bloke.

Has he always been this pathetic?

Sorry, probably shouldn't say it, but he really is either nasty or wet... can't quite make my mind up.

Anyway, is there anyone else that could have the kids for you so that you'd still be able to go on your holiday and so that if he chooses not to take the kids, it's only them that miss out, not you. I know that sounds mean, but maybe then he will take them if he doesn't see it as 'helping you out'...

Why is when one makes a mistake one is "unstable".

I thought it was all part of being a fallible human being.

I am trying to think of a plan B but will be visiting family abroad and 8 days is a big ask of friends even if I split up the two remaining children I would need to "despatch".

He has never had a big backbone - hence why I am no longer with him.

It was the first time I have drank in many months - hence why I was quite so pissed rather than being a total lush

lady - it was something you did and it sounds a little unstable of you - I wasn't saying you are 'generally unstable' but to get uncontrollably drunk and write (presumably nasty) things on someone you already have a volatile relationship with's Facebook wall is imho a bit of an unstable thing to do.

Probably hairy but I think I do feel unstable when it comes to her. She has caused me a lot of pain been partly responsible for me losing a good friend in my ex and has damaged my childrens realtionship with their father.

I had a "fuck it" moment and maybe wanted revenge or to settle a score - who knows but its backfired.

Don't agree you should be ashamed. I think you've been pretty impressive to only crack after years of her horrible behaviour. Each of the things you've mentioned her doing is worse than writing mean things on facebook.

Unfortunately can't suggest anything more constructive - they really need to grow up, but how to make them?

LA - you are not unstable FGS - it was daft, stupid, regrettable perhaphs - but not unstable... perhaphs some people need to walk a mile in your shoes before making such rash statements! I am with Jane - it's a wonder you haven't done much worse, much sooner!!

I have had my friends kids for much longer than 8 days, happily!! You wont know unless you ask and if you have a Plan B you might not need it if he sees you are going anyway he might decide to 'change his mind and take them'.

Just send a note/email/FB to say to your ex, 'I'm really sorry for what I did, but please don't punish the kids by not taking them on holiday. They love you very much and they'll be devastated if they don't have this holiday with you.'

And just leave it like that.

And you're not evil or bad, and your ex is a mega-twunt.

Nothing to add except sympathy. Most of us have done daft things when pissed. Hope it resolves and you get the break you need. Your ex sounds like a complete pussy.

Oh my God.....do not waste another moment of time on feeling sorry or ashamed for a few bloody words. Seems to me like they have been waiting for an opportunity like this to punish you for being a part of your Dh's past.

you know what, regardless of what you did i think he was an absolute arsehole to make you tell the dcs. the dcs didn't need to be involved in it. sure, he's angry but he is hurting his kids by what he is doing. what a shit person.

i think you have done all you can now that you have sent the flowers and note. i would just let things calm down for a while with your ex and then try and speak to him again about the holiday for the dcs.

We all (well, most of us) occasionally do things that are completely U and our of character. And given some of the stupid things I've said and done in my life, I hope I would forgive anyone a drunken message on my FB wall.

But regardless, why did the DCs need to know?

Re reading his email I actually see what a twat he is being.

He says my son will have massive issues from the way I treat him (?? He is really happy and we have a great relationship) and will end up hating me when I am older - suggests these (non existant) issues are my fault because I am "unstable" and then in the next breath says "well - how will you cope if I go and live abroad?"

If he was that worried about my/my sons (non existant) mental health issues surely he would want to be close by in case in case one of us goes totally barmy?

You are right he is an arse

I agree with Dittany. The voice of reason! Stop cringing! She called the police on you IN YOUR OWN HOME! How is that not a million times worse than writing some home truths on her stupid Facebook page? She is horrible, he is horrible. They are both getting away with murder and you sending them flowers and feeling guilty? Wow, they really have you where they want you, don't they? I want to ram those flowers down her stupid throat, and I don't even know her! How DARE your ex 'tell' you to 'admit' anything to your children. This was adult stuff, and nothing to do with them. I think dragging innocent children into adult disputes is abusive and cruel. I hope their house burns down, I really do.

God, just read that she sent private emails between you and your ex to your BOSS!! Where are your flowers? Where is your apology? Good grief, woman, get a grip. Stop feeling ashamed, you are the good guy here.

Well said Dittany.

Shame the children are being badly because of it, but she deserved it.
Don't be too hard on yourself.

badly treated