To quite enjoy it when a man says "while you;re done there" or similar?

[create]

Obviously if he meant it or was doing it to make me uncomfortable, that would be very different, but when it's a joke, isn't that banter and therefore fun?

I quite often set the lines up for my colleagues to knock down - it's great seeing them so pleased with themselves for coming up with a joke I wrote for them! Makes office life far more fun too.

But, I am absolutely confident that I have their respect on a professional basis and I think the fact that I can deal with the banter adds to that respect TBH.

I am flabbergasted too!

Acquiescing with this sort of 'banter' sets feminism back years.

Do you give as good as you get HappySlapper and Create? Do you make jokes that suggest they should pleasure you sexually, or is the arse-slapping for the men and the eyelash fluttering for the women?

If it's not a COMPLETELY equal game, it is about keeping women down in the workplace and not on.

Create, the very fact you think that a 20 year old woman needs to be 'protected' in a 'very difficult environment' says it all.

indeed. I also hope you are trolls, can't bear to think otherwise.

um, bleurgh, I think

Floopy21 - do you really think that this kind of banter between friends is misogynistic? If your partner said this to you, would you consider it so? And why are you so glad you don't work with me? Because obviously my nickname means that's what I'm like in real life... FFS.

These are my friends, as well as my colleagues. Within the 6 of us, 2 of the men are gay, 3 are straight and then there's me. I'm 40, grew up in the 70's and 80's with a bra-burning mother and have a concept of feminism that doesn't by its very nature rule out any kind of fun. Which seems to be what most of you think it should be.

It doesn't set feminism back years. It tries to make us EQUAL. I thought that's what feminism was all about.

HappySlapper, again, is it equal? Do you make equally crude sexual references to your straight male colleagues or not? Do your gay colleagues make crude sexual references to your straight male colleagues?

If my boss ever said that to me I'd walk out and sue him!
It reminds me of a dirty old pervert man I used to work for who used to prowl the company trying to look down the womens blouses and 'accidentally' groping them. He used to say things like that and he used to make us all feel really uncomfortable.
How he never got arrested I'll never know.

arses yes, indeed they do. THAT's what makes it equal. We all take the piss relentlessly out of each other. That's kind of my point.

i once said that to great hilarity (female colleague standing, male colleague kneeling). you have to choose the moment.

but i am about 12 sense of humour wise.

Talk between partners and colleagues is of course not comparable!

"While you're down there" is clearly degrading. Unless you're a prostitute!

ginnny that is not the same sort of thing at all. Perving over women and 'accidentally' groping them is sexual harrassment and should be treated accordingly.

HappySlapper I don't think that's what create was talking about in her male-dominated working environment where 20 year old graduates are subject to the attentions of 'protective' men due to the 'very difficult' work they do, though?

arses - I was responding the other comments, rather than the OP.

Over the years, I have worked in several office environments, I have been a nurse, and a hotel receptionist. And everywhere I have ever worked has been the same.

I wouldn't EVER tolerate any kind of sexual harrassment either to me or any of my colleagues, if that's what it was. There is a huge difference - if someone is uncomfortable with that kind of banter, then that changes everything.

aw, poor OP. do you really have such low self esteem that you have to set up sad jokes to get a bit of attention from a man?

It's amazing how many people seem to work on the set of Carry On films.

I worked in very masculine enviroments for years,reguarly had lunch with 20 odd mechanics and panel beaters, for example,and none of that went on and yet somehow we still managed to enjoy 'banter' and have a laugh without resorting to degrading sexual remarks.

Do you know what annoys me most? Surely by most of your comments, you are implying that these poor women are being 'subjected'to degrading sexual remarks - and are too weak to do anything about it? How very insulting.

Oh god, this is one of "those" threads...

No, not funny.

And yuck yuck yuck @ attractive female graduate being patronised, needing to be 'looked after'. Would the same happen to a male graduate? Don't think so somehow.

Has anyone trotted out a variation on the 'feminists don't have a sense of humour' line yet?

Well some women do feel that they have to accept it no matter how uncomfortable it makes them.
No matter how comfortable you may be with it,by accepting these remarks you're encouraging the use of them and making it more difficult for other women who don't approve of them to speak up.

When such remarks are seemingly accepted by the majority it can be very difficult to stand up and say well I don't like it.
If they do speak up their feelings are often dismissed and they may be told they're humourless and dull.
They are made to feel guilty for objecting and spoiling their 'fun'.

'Well the other girls don't mind'.
'It's just a laugh,don't take it so seriously'.
'What's wrong with you? Can't you take a joke'.
'Don't you have a sense of humour'?

YY LetThereBeRock.

I hate that 'you don't have a sense humour' attitude. It's more or less telling people 'you don't have a right to be upset by this'.

Because sexual harrassment is so frickin' hilarious, obviously.

LetThereBeRock - you make a good point - and I see that issue, honestly I do. However... I'm not going to temper my behaviour and my reactions and my sense of humour, in case it might encourage the use of the remarks, and offend people that don't like it. Do you see what I mean?

Ultimately... I think it's funny. It makes me laugh. The whole.. 'that's what he/she said', all the crude Carry On double entendre. It's funny. That's it.

Agree LetThere.

Think it's a bit pitiful that women have to accept that this is a suitable sense of humpur.

The OP and others may like the attention of being all blokey with the blokes, but not all women will appreciate being spoken to by the 21st century of Sid james.

Bollocks to that - you can have a laugh and take the piss (believe me, I do) without having to resort to comments about BJs or the size of a woman's tits.

If I made a joke about my male colleague's dick size, they woukd be absoluetly mortified and respect would plummet. They would (rightly) assume that I was as thick as shit for stooping to that level.

the whole 'feminists have no sense of humour' shtick has reared its head (ooh, HEAD, BOOM BOOM, funny joke a la OP)

Um, I don't know how to say what I mean, but here goes.

A lot of comments and phrases can't always be judged when they're just written down as the spoken word is often about the intention behind what is said.

I had a male work associate who would often use that phrase and it was funny and would be a source of banter between us.

If the bloke who harrassed me at work had said it to me, it would have taken on whole other meaning and I would have reported it.

It's about the person who's saying it, the person they're saying it to, and the situation.

And that's more important than the impact it will have on other women who work there,who may work there in future and on women in general?

I'm not asking you not to have banter and a laugh with your colleagues but it is actually possible to do so without resorting to these remarks.

BTW When did women become so afraid of being considered feminists? Why is it a bad word?Why do people want to avoid being labelled as such?

I'll tell you why, LetThereBeRock - because feminism is misinterpreted. Often by women themselves.

Feminism is, by definition - a doctrine that advocates equal rights for women. That's equal rights. But that is not how it has evolved. And certainly not judging by some of the comments on this thread.

I must admit to finding that phrase funny on occasion, depending on the context. I have also said it myself !