To be soo confused about having third child - Did you stop at 2?

[daytoday]

Basically, not sure where to post this. But can totally see benefits of having third child . . . obvious really, another munchkin!

And totally see benefits of stopping now - my youngest is about to start school. We will not need to pay for childcare anymore - life will be much, much easier, financially and practically. Hurrah! at last!

However I am totally torn - I swing wildly between the two.

I am in my late 30's so feel its now (in the next year) or never. The age gap between each child would be roughly equal and I have a boy and a girl.

Would love to hear from those who stopped at 2, who struggled coming to this decision. How do you feel - 5, 10 years down the line? Honestly? Wish you had gone for it - or have enjoyed the last 5 or 10 years?

I am in the 'wondering whether to have a third boat' had completely decided to start trying next year but now its come around I'm really not sure if I want to.
my children are 10 and 7 and I was bring them up by myself till I met my partner 5 years ago who I'm marrying soon. He has no children himself(he loves my two and being a step parent to them obviously) and would love to have a baby but I am really enjoying mine being older and also will be finished my degree next summer and can't see where it would fit in career wise, meanwile the gap between my kids and any new one gets bigger and bigger meaning he or she will be like an only child in some respects, house isnt big either so wed have to move or extend at some point if we did have another.

Again skelton bones, you'd have to have another 2, 4 in total. My cousin did that 2 close together with her new partner, she loves it.

Another one with three here. Having three just made our family complete. It's completely different than with just two. It also teaches them to share better and you can't pair off as I've seen so many with two children - mother with one child and father with other.

It does mean that we can't have the "normal" family discounts at hotels, etc as they're usually just for 2+2, but I wouldn't be without any of them.

I think you just know whether your number of children is the right number. Would probably have gone for number four if the doctors hadn't told me to stop after three CSs.

I'm similar to you in that we have 2 but often talk about having another. We usually decide after a few glasses of wine and then in the cold light of day change our minds (usually after being woken up at 5!). If I don't I think I will always regret it really. But at the same time we are trying to move at the moment so want to see how it goes and how we cope financially. If we do eventually get round to it I am wondering whether the gap would be a bit big as both of mine would be in school by then. Though as I work from home it would be easier just to have one at home in the day so I could work in naptime and get a bit of help from family. Another thing putting me off slightly is the non stop 'are you trying for a girl' thing which I think would happen! My mum and MIL are desperate for a granddaughter so I think I would feel the pressure!!! I don't mind what I have by the way.

Same dilemma here- think about it ALL the time. Last week we changed our minds 3 times!
DD and DS are just 3 and 19 months so very close together but I am nearly 41 and DH is 45 so not exactly spring chickens. Most of the family think we're mad thinking about having another due to our ages etc and think we should be content to have 2 happy, healthy children (which of course we are) but we are both one of three and it doesn't feel quite complete. Not so bothered about the practical issues it's more the tiredness and age factor.
They were both born a few weeks early as well so there is a slight fear that another may be even earlier as well as all the other potential health issues.
It's now or never really
Really don't know what to do....

I change my mind about 3 times a day so I am with you ladies!
DS just turned 1 and DD is 3 and I'm not sure if its better to pop another one out in the next year and get it all over with (and possibly/probably die of exhaustion in the process) or wait 3 or 4 years and risk being old and knackered and increased chances of less healthy foetus/multips etc etc....
DH wants to 'go for it' and when I am in my cups I agree. Then I have a bad afternoon with the DC and think 'I NEED to go back to study/work and get some sanity and then think about a third. If I do it now, I'll go mad with boredom and frustration!'.
I am a SAHM for these couple of years but planning to go back to Uni full time in 2011, if no. 3 not on the way by then!

We went for 3. I would recommend if you're going to do it, take the plunge and do it now!
Friends who had two, then a big age gap, found the early stages easy, because its a bit like having an only child, with the older kids in school. But a few years down the line they've found it a lot harder, with teenagers doing exams, socialising, basically having a whole different routine, and then a 5 year old just starting school. Our three are all close in age, and its made it a lot easier to 'grow' through each phase together.

Twisted dh arm to have a third, he is now trying to persuade me that 4 is an even better number..... No other help to offer sorry

I can only give you an outsider's perspective as someone who grew up as one of three.

I am aghast and endlessly impressed at how anyone ever copes with three - several times I've seen families grow from two to three, and the parents seem double harrassed after going from two to three. Four I just don't understand even slightly, although I know two (very energetic) mums with four, who are both lovely, and have happy families, and are great mums (Dads is another thing entirely).

I am one of three (eldest) and there was some sibling rivalry - one of us generally got left out when two ganged up on one. But I am very, very close to both my bro and sis, so wouldn't have it any other way.

I have similar age gaps to you zapostrophe. It is lovely and all get on well (2ds, 1dd). DD will be 1 next week and it has been much easier than expected.
I felt the gap around the table thing too, now we are like a little tribe when we go out together.

Sparkleraimbow, how was it when no 3 came along then? I mean if you twisted his arm, did he then say, oh hey its really easy and brilliant now and I thought it would be harder?? Or is it easier than you/he thought? And what age gaps did you have?
Is it completely daft to have a sub 2 year gap between no.'s 2 and 3 - I think that sounds FULL ON!!

have had third last week.

is it more work? well yes, obv, but it would be whilst newborn, wouldn't it?

we can fit all 3 in a normal car (in proper car seats) though it is a squeeze

we have a 2 bed house, but again, that won't be a problem whilst they are small (two already share, the other one can go in with them whn old enough)

I'm not going to worry about paying for their university educations yet - who knows what the system will be in 18 years time.

though i do resent having another babyhood to get through. DS has just turned 18 months ...DD is 3. I have been doing baby phase for 3 years now. Wargh!

(feed change sleep feed change sleep feed change sleep......are you bored yet?)

congratulations EdgarAllenPop! Great name too. You had v small age gaps then, as far as I can deduce - 3 under 4 is indeed full on.
I think I'm wondering if I could not resent the additional baby phase by having one later and instead treasure it as my last one when the others are older.
Who knows if that would work though.... Good luck with yours anyway. Hope you get some sleep tonight...!

I think I'm wondering if I could not resent the additional baby phase by having one later and instead treasure it as my last one when the others are older.

you never know, it might work, or you might just find yourself even less willing to give up the freedom from drudgery all over again..

though from most people they find their older children really supportive and gentle with the tinies which i can't really expect from mine, i just have to growl at themlike a possessive she-bear when they become too much near their sister.

'freedom from drudgery'....'I'll just have to growl like a possessive she-bear'.
Ha ha you made me laugh out loud!!

We have just had our third. We couldn't decide for ages (have DS who is 10 and DD who is 5). DS2 is now 12 weeks and he is amazing - so glad we took the plunge - I think the reason I am loving this all so much is because I know he is my last (well ..... ! NO of course he is my last - 3 - we agreed on 3!!Ok I could be persuaded on another but realise that is only because he is so good and easy!!) I am appreciating it all so much more with him - just go for it! Excuse me - I'm still hormonal and on a high from having him!

awwww secondcoming that makes me well up! So lovely. What were your age gaps? I have completely hijacked this thread now, sorry to the op!

i stopped at 2. i have one of each.

and still i wonder...

but my eldest is 18 with aspergers and other SEN, youngest is now 13. i have a new career ahead of me and practically speaking to have anymore now would be madness. plus there is the ASD thing - it runs in my family.

DH is booked in for vasectomy next month. id have loved another but i know id never cope with another one now, life has just got easier, ive got my life back, i have the prospect of some quality time with my DH in another few years, ( which we never got in the early days) i had ds at 19, had only been married 9 months!)

so its a definite stop at 2 here. for all the right reasons.

Got 4 DC's and don't regret it for a minute! When they are not killing each other they are big buddies and I hope that they will remain close as adults. I have only ever regretted things I haven't done.

i think you have just got to do the right thing for you.

for me i would always have hankered after more babies, no matter how many i had! but i know that now, at 38, with a new career beginning, and grown up children, realistically if i had so much as a pregnancy scare now id go ape shit. yes id cope. but i dont want to.

i had a mc about 15 years ago. 3 just wasnt meant to be. 2 is fine. i think you have to do whats right for you. if 3 is right for you then go for it!

i have a head/heart thing going on. head wins.

Am unashamedly bumping this. Am in the same boat as so many others. Two DS's - 3yo and 8 month old. Thought we would stop at two and are now toing and froing over no. 3.

I want us to make a decision by the end of this year and if we want another - to just go for it. If the end of this year passes and we decide against is, then I think we will stick with our lovely 2.

Am finding the will we wont we debate exhausting in a way though. Had such clarity when DS2 was in utterly draining baby stage of no more. But now I look at my two boys playing and think ....ah one more!

Hi, I started this thread and guess what . . .

yep . . .

I am now 6 months pregnant number 3!

Basically, my hubby got a new job with a little bit more money and the first thing we thought was - 'we can afford to have a third baby now!' We won't be rich - but it means we can scrabble by whilst I'm on maternity leave (self-employed).

I am not in the slightest bit worried about having a third now I'm pregnant. How weird is that!

Just goes to show that all our concerns were financial really but they do evaporate the moment you get pregnant.