To be soo confused about having third child - Did you stop at 2?

[daytoday]

Basically, not sure where to post this. But can totally see benefits of having third child . . . obvious really, another munchkin!

And totally see benefits of stopping now - my youngest is about to start school. We will not need to pay for childcare anymore - life will be much, much easier, financially and practically. Hurrah! at last!

However I am totally torn - I swing wildly between the two.

I am in my late 30's so feel its now (in the next year) or never. The age gap between each child would be roughly equal and I have a boy and a girl.

Would love to hear from those who stopped at 2, who struggled coming to this decision. How do you feel - 5, 10 years down the line? Honestly? Wish you had gone for it - or have enjoyed the last 5 or 10 years?

We stopped at 2.

Age, finances, house size all playing a factor.

I did want more-for a while.
But the feeling went away & I´m glad we stopped at 2.

Lulumaam put it so much better than I did! I might join Casserole & run everything past her first

thanks !

I'm currently pregnant with number 3, and still feel confused! I'll let you know in 5 years time !

I have three.

DC 1 and 2 are two and half years apart.

I knew I wanted DC3 almost immediately after DC 2.

There is a 5 and half year gap between DC 2 and 3.

In that time I had a lot of persuading and pleading to do - DH definitely didn't want another. Then two lots of heartache after two mc. Finally had DC 3 at the age of 42. He is gorgeous and lovely and we all love him and I am so glad we have him.

I know all the financial reasons and so on for not having one. But did I mention how gorgeous he is? I count my blessings every day.

I feel like lulumaam. I would love to be pregnant again, I would love a new baby, but I really can't stomach the thought of another toddler.
DH didn't want anymore and I feel miffed that I didn't get my own way, but three years down the line I can almost concede he was right.
My Mum and my sister both wanted 3 but stopped at 2. They don't seem to have too many regrets.
If we win the lottery though, the first thing I do is throw away the contraception.

We have 2 DC - both girls, 4.5 years apart. When we got married DH and I always said we'd like 4 DC but we've stopped at two. DD1 has always been great fun and we enjoy spending time with her but we also both enjoy our jobs (we're teachers and each teach 4-days-per-week).

Having 2 DC means we have time for both of them and for each other, we can go swimming and each DD has an adult available, our car can accommodate the four of us plus a visiting grandparent/cousin/friend, both DDs can have their own bedroom and we can afford to pay for things such as childcare, dancing/music lessons, holidays, meals out without having to worry too much about the cost.

Both DH and I are one of three children but our family is completely complete with our two daughters.

Very wise and insightful post from Lulumaam.

We went on to have 3, and God willing will have 4 by next Feb.

DH and I always wanted a big family; I did since I was a little little girl. BUT despite having reasonable jobs, money is very tight. I can't give my children the standard of living I had, although admittedly I was very lucky.

You do "manage somehow". But like Lulu said, not everyone wants to live like that. My standard of living is not as important to me as being blessed with a big family. But I fully acknowledge that it might be to others.

What a great and interesting response.

It really is such a dilemma isn't it?

But then I also know that once you have your third child, you of course will never regret it.

I think the nail has been hit on the head - its whether we want to 'manage somehow' or have the nicer things in life.

Hmmn . . . feel like we have just got to a point to enjoy the finer things in life.

I had dc3 9 weeks ago. Ds is 12 and dd1 is 9. I would have had a third earlier but circumstances prevented it but the desire never left me. I'm 38 and I thought my chance had gone but I fell pg very quickly. Dd2 is beautiful and we're all delighted with her. I always wanted 4 and her arrival hasn't changed that. We'll have to change our lifestyle, holiday plans etc but none of the things we're losing mean a thing when I see my 3 children interacting. The unplanned gap is great though. I have plenty of help and booking 2 hotel rooms will still allow me and dh to sleep together.

I have two and am thinking about a third. DH wants a third. If I did have another one my older two would be 11 and 14 when I gave birth. They would also really like me to have a baby.

The main reasons against having a third are that I work abroad for a long period each Summer and having a baby would ruin that. The other problem would be that my parents might be too elderly in a few years to help out. Also, my younger sister is a lot younger than me and my brother and she has always felt that my parents were not as bothered about her/had run out of steam etc, and those feelings have carried over into her adult life.

i was stuck for what to do, wondering how we'd cope both emotionally and financially, but that aching feeling for another was too strong, i felt jealous of every baby bump, brooding over every newborn.
we have dd who starts school in sept, and dd who will be getting his free 15hours nursery from jan (so some time to catch up on sleep/housework). we dont have luxury holidays anyway, just the odd night away to visit friends/family-and im sure 2 little uns could share a bed 4 a night.
anyway, dh has agreed, and mirena comes out (hopefuly) 2moro morning!!!!!!!!!! so excited!!

We wanted 3 or 4, but stopped at 2. Our DCs are 15 months apart, they are best friends, potty trained at the same time, and will go to school within a year of each other. They really love each other, get along great, and I don't want to mess with them or their relationship (they are 4 and 2.10).

Also, I am now 38, DH 41 and the chance of having a risky pregnancy is a bit higher... and I had two absolutely wonderful pregnancies/deliveries, and two perfect children...I felt like it would be tempting fate, I guess...

Though we wanted a big family, we have no regrets about stopping...I love how lovely and cozy our little family feels...

We're stopping at two, even though DS is only five months old - for a variety of reasons, including financial and practical. DH is adamant that's it for us. And I have some pretty awful post-childbirth damage so would be very nervous about another pregnancy.

I'm curious whether we'll change our minds in the next couple of years, though. I've only got one sibling, while DH was one of three, so will he change his mind? I'm thinking not so am hoping I don't get broody....

Good luck, OP, with whatever you decide.

I am one of three and would have loved three children myself. After many long years of infertility and IVF we finally have dc1 (3) and dc2 (6 months), born when I was 42. She is our little miracle. It was a difficult pregnancy which has left its mark. If this had all happened 10 years ago I would definitely have wanted another, though dh has always only ever wanted two.

I stopped at two and have no regrets whatsoever, even though I live in an area where most people seem to have 3 or 4 children.

My dc are 9 and 6 now and life is a doddle.

I have a very good friend whose older two children are the same ages as mine (and in the same classes at school, infact) but she also has a 3 year old and is in the middle of potty training! And he doesn't start nursery until next January. He is a gorgeous little boy and she is very happy and utterly content with her three children, but I just feel relief that I'm not in her position every time I see her .

We have 2 dc and I'm due in 6 weeks with dc3. We were really unsure also whether to go for the third and for a while we said definitely not (and the thought of getting away from nappies/mushy food/tantrums etc was really appealing for a while!).

But then I realized that I still didn't feel we were complete as a family and I just knew that if we didn't have a third I would regret it in 5/10/20 years.

I'm only just 28 years old now and know I have ages child bearing wise but I also decided that as I had had our children in my 20's (they are nearly 5 and 3 now), I wanted my 30's to be slightly more chilled and feel like I haven't spent most of my life pregnant/changing pooey nappies etc! I knew if I waited till I was in my 30's that I would not want to go back to the start again! So just thought, what the hell, lets go for it!

I'm glad we have now although I do feel a bit nervous at the prospect of having 3 very soon - 2 is starting to seem so easy now!

I rambled a bit there but basically I think you need to ask yourself if you will regret not going for it in 5 years time (not the easiest question to answer though I know!)

We stopped at two - we have 2 boys. While I was pg with DS2 DH drunkenly discussed having a third and my heart kinda leapt a little at the thought. But my head says 2 and my heart now definitely also says two. I came from a 2 and my DH came from a 2 so that feels right for us. Logically logistically and financially 2 is a good number. If we'd started having kids earlier and could've left a reasonable gap between them then we might've gone for 3. But as it stands...I feel complete with 2. I look at friend's newborns and don't wish it was me. Actually I think its the idea of them older that I find would make me want 3 rather than having having another baby/newborn. But not sure I could go through the TTC/pregnancy/newborn stage again - so happy that's all done with (except for the smell of newborns...will always miss that!)

well, i thought i would stop at 3, now have 4 and still would like another, eventually, i think you just know when you are done. of course practicalities must pay a part in decisions though, so long as finances can stretch its not a bad thing to have children.

i am sure that in old age more people regret NOT having children that they wanted than regret having children that they didnt initially plan

I wanted 3, have now got 3 and so now want 4. (No chance DH is getting the snip next month) I think it is a biological thing not a logical thing go with your head.

Lots of my friends stopped at 2 and havent regretted it despite those urges.

I came from a family of three and a i have three children. However, i made sure that i had them all really quickly before i changed my mind. I feel that three is the ideal number ( four being too big and two being too small).

Thank you all for posting. I can't tell you how helpful this post has been. I have found my deliberations about having a third all consuming.

However, we have sort of come to a decision and I feel really really happy about it . . .

No more children!

We have decided to stop at two and I have accepted that I may always have a pang when I see a family with 3 kids. But I really don't want any more schlepping and struggling. I'm done!

We have agreed that every time we get a pang for a 3rd we will do something really nice for ourselves and the kids - like go out for a lovely meal, a weekend abroad - all things we couldn't do if we have a third.

I suddenly feel like a weight has been lifted.

always thought i'd have 3 - had even planned boy, boy, girl in my head (didn't realise this until second scan showed that it was a dd and i was shocked!)

but when dd was little, the question of a third never really came up - we were busy and sleep deprived and a third would have just been very hard on a practical level.

and now - they're 5 and 4 - and although i do get broody, i think another baby would be unfair on everyone. the kids are so settled and such a little team - they are learning everything together. as a family we work well and have fun holidays/days out. a new baby now would be a loner and would change the whole family dynamic.

other factors are that i'm nearly 40 (so am concerned about health risks) and also the very dull financial/practical reasons that everyone else has cited. we can afford nice things with 2 - with 3 we'd have to tighten our belts.

that's not to say that i don't hanker after the second boy i never had. i just think this is the best decision for all 4 of us.

I have stopped at 2. But am only 2 yrs down the line, but am adamant that I want no more. For me, it has never really been an issue. I only ever wanted 2.

Lately, my reasons for wanting no more are

I like that dd2 is now past the baby stage & life is easier.
I don't want to have them sharing a room & can't afford to move to a 4 bed.
Can't afford a bigger car
I am able to give them both my time & it is quality, good time.
I am 38
Don't do pregnancy very well
Don't want all that baby stuff to start again.

And yes, I know all that can be over come, but am really really happy with 2. I guess it is slightly different, because I don't have the need/want for more so don't feel torn.

I was babysitting a friends little girl recently & it really changed the dynamic of the house. I didn't like it!