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Original poster

To be soo confused about having third child - Did you stop at 2?

111 replies

daytoday · 28/07/2010 13:54

Basically, not sure where to post this. But can totally see benefits of having third child . . . obvious really, another munchkin!

And totally see benefits of stopping now - my youngest is about to start school. We will not need to pay for childcare anymore - life will be much, much easier, financially and practically. Hurrah! at last!

However I am totally torn - I swing wildly between the two.

I am in my late 30's so feel its now (in the next year) or never. The age gap between each child would be roughly equal and I have a boy and a girl.

Would love to hear from those who stopped at 2, who struggled coming to this decision. How do you feel - 5, 10 years down the line? Honestly? Wish you had gone for it - or have enjoyed the last 5 or 10 years?

OP posts:
differentnameforthis · 30/07/2010 10:18

Didn't see your latest post....

Glad that you have made a choice. It must be hard, but know that you are making that choice not only for you, but for your dcs too!

Colliecross · 30/07/2010 14:09

Stopped at 2 and wish I hadn't.

Dolanette · 30/07/2010 14:15

We went for 3, we have girl, boy, girl now. I heard a woman sort of knows when her family is complete. After I had my second, I thought I'd like to have a third. But I think I'm def finished now!! With third one, we had to buy a new car, a "Mammy Wagon", and are thinking we may have to move to bigger house!

thesecondcoming · 30/07/2010 14:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

theminky · 30/07/2010 17:18

I am due to have my third tomorrow and am really excited - I felt really strongly that I wanted a third and luckily my husband agreed!

tillyfernackerpants · 30/07/2010 20:06

daytoday, glad its been helpful for you!!

I did have a lovely cuddle with a newborn today, he smelt gorgeous and was all soft and warm. But no pangs or broody feelings so definitely sticking with two

dexifehatz · 31/07/2010 17:54

Go for it! My kids are 12,5 and 16 months.Hard work? Absolutely! Tearing my hair out during school holidays? Indeed! Fulfilled and satisfied with my three gorgeous kids? You bet!

HalfTermHero · 31/07/2010 18:45

3 here and could not be happier. I cried putting away dc2's baby clothes the need to add one more to the famly was so great. I did feel like someone who was meant to be here was missing, iykwim. I have not felt like that this time round. 3 is the magic number for us.

Collision · 31/07/2010 18:50

I really feel for people who are broody and in the dilemma of wanting another baby.

I have 2 boys of 8 and 5 and we are stopping at that! Love them both dearly and wouldnt change a thing. We have a great age gap and they get on well.

It means though that I can get my life back within reason. I can go back to work and do the qualifications I want to do and they are gaining more independence.

I am lucky that DH and I feel the same about it and am not pressuring him for another baby and vice versa.

My friend however has 3 boys and is desperate for another baby. Her DH has said NO as she went a bit loopy after after her third boy.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 31/07/2010 18:54

I always wanted 3 children. Always saw myself with 3.

Had my first - big drama, we both nearly died, he was left disabled, I was left a wreck Decided one was enough! But then, despite being on pill, I got pregnant again (only 6 months after ds1 was born!) Due to my personal beliefs, I chose to proceed with the pregnancy, despite being bloody terrified about history repeating itself!

Then ds1 was diagnosed with autism.

Then ds2 was also diagnosed with autism!

So I'd had one bad birth - shoulder dystocia, a second big baby (thankfully no sd), a third, well, what would that be like?

But mostly I never had my third because of the autism. Clearly it's genetic, so what if my third had it too? What if s/he was really severely affected? Could I cope with 3 with autism. But - what if s/he DIDN'T have autism. I don't know how to be a parent to a nt child. I can only do autistic

So my main reason for never having my third was the fear that they wouldn't have autism.

But you know what, ds1 is 11, ds2 nearly 10 and I still look at them and see a hole next to them where dc3 should have been. Still look at photos and see a gap. I feel the loss of the person who should have been here with us, if that makes any sense.

Which it probably doesn't.

Ineed2 · 31/07/2010 18:57

My 3rd changed my life, I had worked full time with 1 and 2 but gave up when I had 3 I simply couldn't be in 3 places in the morning and then go to work. It was fantastic, we were skint of course. not foriegn hols for us. But I had sooo much time with her. She was a bonus as far as I can see and I wouldn't swap it for anything.

BitOfFun · 31/07/2010 19:00

I stopped at two, and even though I get the odd twinge, I honestly couldn't go back to feeding, getting up all hours of the night and buggies and whatnot.

Good on you for making a decision- life is what you make it, and moving into new phases can sometimes be bittersweet, but if you embrace it, there is lots to look forward to seeing your children get bigger and more independent.

Strawberrycornetto · 31/07/2010 19:09

I have DD (5) and DS (2 1/2). I didn't want a 3rd until DS was about 6 months old and I've spent the last two years battling it. DH doesn't want another, twice he has agreed and then backed out. I've tried really hard to work out whether I genuinely want another child or just the newborn stuff. I think in the end my conclusion is that I would like the good bits but you have to deal with the bad stuff too. DH is away a lot and I'm not sure how I'd cope with 3 on my own at weekends and I'm not sure it would be fair on DD and DS, we are just getting to the point where we can do stuff together, but a new baby when DD would be 7 would seem unfair somehow.

I am quite gutted, if we had done it when I wanted to (and been lucky with conceiving etc) my no. 3 would be very close in age to DS and I think it would have worked. Now I think we missed the boat and I already regret it.

onedeadbadger · 31/07/2010 19:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rollmops · 31/07/2010 19:41

Was terribly lucky to have our twins as always wanted two children but absolutely hated being pregnant. So two peas and pods and all that - worked out fabulously well for us

Rollmops · 31/07/2010 19:48

....However, the smell of a tiny baby, soft-soft-soft cheeks, leeeeetle fingers..... ahhhh..... [broods???!!!]
No, no, two are perfect for us...

CappuccinoCarrie · 31/07/2010 19:53

We're 7m into ttc #3. I came on here hoping you'd all dissuade me, to put me out of the agony of ttc. The arguments for 2 have been good, but I still want 3! The sacrifices are worth making, and i definitely see the 'hole' in our family which I hope another child will fill. Our two dcs get on amazingly well, I know another will shake that up, but will also add to it. Glad you got the help you needed though OP!

Babieseverywhere · 31/07/2010 20:07

We decided to go for DC3 (overdue 4 days), even having one of each so far, we just felt our family was not complete yet.

No idea how things will work out over the coming years but one thing for certain, it isn't going to be quiet

Altinkum · 31/07/2010 20:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

girlsyearapart · 31/07/2010 20:36

Just had dd3 6 days ago.

I always knew I wanted more than one so had our second when dd1 was 1yr 3days old.

dd2 had awful excema and has multiple allergies, spent most of her first year scratching and waking through the night.

Then she came through it and we started ttc number 3. It was a much much harder pregnancy, I wondered if I would make it out the other side with a healthy baby but here we are and she is beautiful.

I have it in my head that we'll have another- would be totally happy with 4 girls but have the endless 'are you going to try for a boy?' to contend with.

I am 31 now and would ideally like to have dc4 when dd3 is 2ish so all done by the time I'm 34/5. Dh is a bit more sceptical about a 4th thinks we will be tempting fate.

I am staying off work until all our children are at nursery or school- we are skint but happy.

Like a previous poster I think you regret the children you didn't have rather than the ones you did.

JGBMum · 31/07/2010 20:51

I always wanted 3, but DH convinced me that we should stop at 2 for all the sensible, practical, financial reasons.

So DC3 was a complete accident, and she's 9 now, and I feel so sorry for people who want 3 but talk themselves out of it and settle for a pet, or a night out.

With 3 our family feels complete, and no amount of sensible reasoning regarding costs etc would ever change that.

I think that deep down, you know whether or not your family feels complete, and tbh, if you looked at the financial considerations you would never have 1, let alone 2,3,4 or more.

mumeeee · 31/07/2010 21:01

Our third child was unplanned. We were thinking of having a third but wabted to wait until the 2nd one was in school, But our 3rd daughter came along when the 2nd was just2. Our daughters are noe 23.20 and 18 and we wouldn't be without any of them. Yes it's been difficult at times but we have also ghad great times as they've grown up, The youngest has slight special needs but that hasn't stopped her being part of the family. Anyway theyall get on well together, They are all girls so I don't know if it would have been differnt if one was a boy.

mamatomany · 31/07/2010 21:49

Mmmm three is a funny number, we had three very close together, wish I could go back and space them out a bit more buy ho hum. Anyway we've ended up with number 4 who is delicious but I am so done now.
You know when you know, if there's any no doubt at all it's better to regret the things you've done than those you haven't I say.

MadameBelle · 31/07/2010 22:34

WE had a similar dilemma about 4 or 5 years ago. Had 2 wonderful dc who got on well, life was straightforward, things seem to be geared towards the '2 parents, 2 kids' model, you can have a normal car/holidays etc. But, to dh and I, it seemed so easy, and predictable and well, boring!

So dc3 came along, and yes, it was hard, and no, we don't have a lot of money, and we can't get a cabin on the ferry because they only sleep 4, but I wouldn't change it for the world. We have so many dynamics in our family now, it's so busy, so much fun and the dc really enjoy that they outnumber us. I love having my brood around me at the kitchen table.

CappuccinoCarrie · 02/08/2010 12:54

Life sounds wonderful madamebelle. Really hope we get the dc3 we really want, its that clan round the kitchen table that is worth more to me than any holiday.