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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that hating/ not liking children is an unacceptable predjudice.

87 replies

GothAnneGeddes · 27/07/2010 15:12

Children are human beings and we were all children once, yet people think it is acceptable to dislike them, just for being children.

Often people will say that they don't like bratty, ill behaved children, but then adults behave far worse and yet it is generally unacceptable to say "I hate men/women".

People used widely say I hate Jews/gays/black people, but now people generally (not all, sadly) know that it's wrong to think that way, so why don't people realise that about children?

Before anyone thinks I'm being over sensitive, there is far too much ill treatment of children (there's been some heinous threads on here, where I've wanted to weep for the children involved) and I think we really need to change our attitudes.

OP posts:

ShatnersBassoon · 27/07/2010 15:16

I say I don't like dogs. I'm sure some of them are fine, but it's easier to say I don't like them, just in case dog owners want me to spend time with their pets.

I don't think it's cruel to children for people to believe they don't like them.

GooseyLoosey · 27/07/2010 15:18

I don't really like children. I love my own, but like most people I like interacting most with people that I have something in common with. I have nothing generally in common with children and they have nothing in common with me. I would never really choose to socialise with a child other than my own.

This does not mean that I don't think that children have the same human rights as anyone else - clearly they do and require greater protection than most.

In addition, "not liking" is a long way from "disliking" children. I don't choose children for friends, but I don't hate or dislike them in general.

emptyshell · 27/07/2010 15:25

Why shouldn't it be acceptable for someone to like/dislike something? I don't particularly like the company of other women as a rule - doesn't make me sexist, they're just not a group I relate to.

Some people can't relate to small children, some people (I'm one of these) can't go mushy over babies (at the moment post-miscarriage they actually provoke a very strong negative emotional response in me). You cannot make someone like your children - the universe does not revolve around you.

I rarely go out of the house in case I come across small babies at the moment by the way - my reaction is having no direct impact upon you and yours so leave me to handle my grief in the way that helps me cope (which is being averse to babies).

Firawla · 27/07/2010 15:30

its up to them if they like children or not, i don't really like people who don't like children though (i mean strongly dislike, if they are neutral then okay)
i do think its rude for them to say it to someone with kids "i dont like children" it also comes across quite ignorant
whats discribed above is quite different though

Sammyuni · 27/07/2010 15:35

It's up to a person if they dislike children or not children take a lot of effort so it's pretty reasonable if a person is simply not interested.

As for other peoples children as long as they don't express their dislike to towards the child then no one is hurt.

varicoseveined · 27/07/2010 15:36

As long as they're not in the teaching profession or working on the children's ward, I don't see it as too much of a problem if an adult doesn't like being around children.

Hating or mistreatment of children (or anyone based purely on age) is unreasonable though.

muddleduck · 27/07/2010 15:37

oh ffs, here you go:

muddleduck · 27/07/2010 15:38

have another one for free:

muddleduck · 27/07/2010 15:38

good things come in threes:

namechangingchick · 27/07/2010 15:42

I think people are entitled to their own opinion and I know a lot of people who adore their own children, but not other peoples. Also know loads of people who are not that keen on babies.

As long as no ill treatment goes on then I think it's fine to think what you like.

Chil1234 · 27/07/2010 15:43

I don't know anyone personally that says they don't like children. (Would we call that paedophobia?) Maybe if you were one of these poor pensioners having a football kicked at your house-wall 24/7 and being sworn at if you complain you might be rather anti-child. I know plenty that would rather go on holiday, socialise or eat in a restaurant where there are no kids. (I was one myself pre-motherhood). Not the same thing as not liking children, though, is it?

estya · 27/07/2010 15:44

I'm not a great fan of children per se. There are lots that i do like because they are cheeky or funny etc, but i find that i have more in common with adults.
I find people who love all children a bit suspicious - possibly for the same reasons as you, GothAnne. Kids are all different. It it creepy to decide you like someone before you have got to know them.

Giddyup · 27/07/2010 15:44

They (children) can be pretty rubbish! TBH I love my own to the very depths of my soul and think my friends ones are better than most... but even mine and dear friends' cherubs are pretty annoying sometimes.

I can imagine if you don't have any that they are a awfully dull and get in the way of adult fun. When DS goes to his Dads I really go out of my way to have as little as possible to do with other peoples children.

Gawd that all sounds awful written down!

Fartytowels · 27/07/2010 15:46

empyshell aren't you a teacher? Or are you being specific to babies rather than children? How long has it been, I've noticed a few of your posts recently and wondered about your coping mechanism ? I hope you are ok?

I don't really get excited by other peoples babies. I didn't really get excited by mine, I think that was fear though. it's not kids for me it's parents wanting me to think the world about their quite ordinary kids. I think the opposite when I visit my family member who fosters and see little ones giggling and happy after horrifying experiences - these are the special kids to me.

I just at sweeping statements to a whole group of people TBH. My Auntie told me she didn't like "the gays" that much yesterday, when I was talking about my close friends who are a gay couple, but then said "well apart from our friends...so and so."

I had to suppress a snort!

smallwhitecat · 27/07/2010 15:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

expatinscotland · 27/07/2010 15:52

YABU.

I agree with Shatners, too.

I don't like dogs.

namechangingchick · 27/07/2010 15:53

No, giddyup, I don't think that sounds awful - we are all still human beings in our own right - not just a mother or father, and I think it's healthy and nice to have some child free time - it only makes you appreciate them more when you are around them .

Totally agree that sweeping statements are awful though - my FIL always says "the coloured people" !!

ReasonableDoubt · 27/07/2010 15:54

I have never heard anyone say they absolutely don't like children. It's obvious some people don't though, just by their attitudes. A lot of old people seem to have very Victorian attitudes to children in this country, for instance.

I hate dogs, though, sorry . I would never be cruel to an animal - I believe animals should be treated humanely and think people who are cruel to them are scum - but I really do dislike dogs and cross the road to avoid them.

namechangingchick · 27/07/2010 15:56

Well I always say I hate dogs too because I really have never come across one that I have liked. Not to say that I won't in the future, but just really really do not like them at all.

expatinscotland · 27/07/2010 15:57

some smaller dogs are okay. but mostly they are pretty vile.

mayorquimby · 27/07/2010 15:57

perfectly acceptable.
Or should it be rephrased as not liking the parents who inflict their children on you?
Don't get me started on parents who bring their newborns into the office.

porcamiseria · 27/07/2010 15:58

erm have not come across these kiddy haters, yet!

where are they all!!

ShirleyKnot · 27/07/2010 16:00

YABU

I don't really like children, they're generally pretty demanding and ......and Hard Work.

Of course, I love and like my own children, but given a choice between a weekend spent in the company of 10 kids or 10 adults, I would pick the adults everytime. (To compare this with racism is fatuous IMO)

swanandduck · 27/07/2010 16:04

When people say they 'don't like' children I think they often mean they're 'not comfortable' around them. It's not usually personal as in 'I don't like that child, but more a discomfort around the noise, mess etc that kids make.

Oblomov · 27/07/2010 16:05

I am not that keen on children. I'm not that keen on my own let alone anyone elses. I don't like the way my son behaves. I don't like any of his friends either really. they are all nice boys, but i think they are all spoilt, with not enough disciplines.
when i take him to the opticians, the guy there is so nice. he is old school. i think he thinks my son is not very well behaved. i think he thinks that all children are the same. i kind of agree with him.
I never spoke to my mum the way ds insists on speaking to me. i behaved when i went out. i was never smacked.
i don't think the last generation, myself included is doing a very good job of our parenting.
I think parenting is getting worse and the world is too child centred. not every couple has children or wants to be around children.

saying that my next door neighbour complained to the council about my son and the other boys playing football in the communal garden. claiming that the ball kept hitting his fence. but when questioned by dh he admitted that it rarely hit fence but just that he didn't like boys playing football. my other neighbour commented that she thought he didn't really like children. which i agreed with. which negated his complaint, if that is the real truth. which, if he does, really , only not that children, then that is unreasonable.

saying that you can't makes someone like them Op. you can't force them. why should that HAVE to like children ?

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