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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset at DH's camping trip?

75 replies

Jannamummy · 27/07/2010 00:29

Lovely DH, very kind, tolerant, supportive and hands on daddy etc, wants to go camping with 'the boys' for his fortieth. Wants to take me, DC and PiL (boo) out for nice meal on actual day, have weekend at home just 4 of us and the camping would be week after. I feel anxious about being left with DCs all weekend (as DC is sooo hands on, I imagine it would be very hard work) and also a bit put out as a romantic or family weekend away would have been nice, no? So, AIBU?

OP posts:
Fartytowels · 27/07/2010 00:35

YABU why can't he let his hair down, he sounds great? He's already doing something with you, if it's not enough then do something the weekend after. Did you agree when you had kids that he would never be allowed out on his own? Do you go out?

You don't have to be on you own do you? Can't you ask friends or family round, or go and stay with someone.

It does sound as if you could do with the practice though TBH.

Limara · 27/07/2010 00:38

YABU.

seeker · 27/07/2010 00:44

sounds as if you've never had your dcs for a weekend on your own - maybe it's time you did?

ravenAK · 27/07/2010 00:49

Sorry, YABU.

Camping with his mates sounds rather sweet & undebauched!

As for being on your own with the dc: well, you BOTH need to be able to cope solo with equanimity for a weekend. Just in case one of you's unavoidably away at some point in the future (or, heaven forfend & all that, one of you falls under a bus or runs off with the milkman).

At worst, in the event of an emergency, he's in the UK & readily contactable.

Alambil · 27/07/2010 00:50

yep yabu - having the kids on your own isn't impossible, unless they have SN which means they need two carers/shift swaps in caring IMO

Limara · 27/07/2010 00:51

Janna, how old are your kids?

menaceandmayhem · 27/07/2010 00:52

Heavens forbid should he leave you! Many of us on here have no choice but to look after our DC on our own all weekend, all week, all year, forever, and would bite off arms at the chance to have a man around full time to help. I'd help him load the car if it meant he was back at the end of it to be part of the family again!

Limara · 27/07/2010 01:00

Funny isn't it. I like it when my DH goes off for the weekend because me and the kids can please ourselves, lates nights etc...He comes back happier because he's done his own thing and values what he's got and I......I like it when he goes off for the weekend!

gingernutlover · 27/07/2010 07:43

assuming he would also be happy for you to go off for the weekend then yes yabu.

Do you have friends and family you could spend time with that weekend. I do know how you feel because if my dh announced he was doign this I would be dreading a weekend alone with dd - like you say it is hard work. However, I know he would be happy to do it for me so I would grit my teeth and get on with it.

Also, it's not as if he is choosing not to spend any time with you, and as it is his brithday then shouldnt he choose?

Is there a particular reason why you are so worried about looking after the children on your own?

PrettyCandles · 27/07/2010 07:51

Yup, I agree with all the other posters so far. YABU for all the reasons they mention.

Do you have PND? I ask because when I had it the prospect of a few nights alone with the dc was very daunting. But you'll cope. You will, really.

Firawla · 27/07/2010 07:51

yabu i think it all sounds okay, he is doing something to include you too the meal and you said another family weekend.
how old are your dc? im sure you will cope, even if it might be difficult. the first time my dh went for couple of weeks somewhere, my younger baby got ear infection and was up for about 3-4 nights not sleeping or put down @ all, it was horrible with that and a toddler running around everywhere all the time no rest, but you have to get on with it you can't lock your dh to the house/to your side permananly

Oblomov · 27/07/2010 07:55

YABU
Are your children SN ? If not why would you not be able to cope ? All sounds very very odd. Are you normally controlling ?

mumblechum · 27/07/2010 07:55

Agree with the others, I'm afraid. My dh worked away for the first 5 years of fatherhood so I had no choice but to cope.

belgo · 27/07/2010 08:02

Of course he should go camping. Children are hard work but you should be able to cope with them for a weekend, it's important that you can cope on your own so that it isn't a shock if you were on your own in an emergency.

And then organise a weekend away for another time, somewhere of your choice.

Malificence · 27/07/2010 09:34

I don't think YABU, I find it a bit weird that a 40 year old family man wants to go camping with his "mates" like a teenager.

As you said , he should be going away with you for a nice weekend break.

Goblinchild · 27/07/2010 09:40

Mid life crisis, could be worse. Could be a motorbike he's craving, or a hot blonde. Or a hot blonde on a bike.
Let the poor beggar go camping, enjoy the meal, learn that your children aren't as scary as you think and book yourself a girlie weekend at some point so that you both stay people rather than a blended JedWard blob.

MisSalLaneous · 27/07/2010 09:45

I'd really like to know how many children and whether SN or something else making it harder - otherwise it sounds really odd that you're not planning on ever being alone with the children for a couple of days!

I'm a bit baffled, tbh - are you not alone with them at some stage during the day anyway? In which case, it can't be too hard, surely?

Worst case you can stock up on lots of DVDs and popcorn and have a "cinema treat" with the children for when you're too tired / stressed to brave it outside on your own?

Camping sounds great and healthy.

MisSalLaneous · 27/07/2010 09:48

Malificence, I don't think it's weird at all. Perhaps they want to go all Ray Mears which isn't so easy with children. No different to a spa break with my friends, surely?

Vallhala · 27/07/2010 09:49

Forgive me, but are you ill?

Or is one of your DC severely disabled?

Otherwise, what the hell's the problem?

Your DH is a grown man and is surely able to chose where and with whom he celebrates his birthday without someone being "upset".

And anxious about being left with 2 children for a WEEKEND? Please! Try 15 years, all bar about 7 months, with 2 children, one of whom has behavioural/social poblems and no support whatsoever. On second thoughts, don't bother... you wouldn't have time to be "anxious".

YouKnowNothingoftheCrunch · 27/07/2010 09:49

I think you're being unreasonable about not wanting him to go, but I think you're actually more upset about his Birthday being made up of Camping with Mates, and Family Meal with ILs. Am I right?

If he had also allocated an intimate evening with you, would you still feel as hurt?

YunoYurbubson · 27/07/2010 09:52

IS this going to be an AIBU by stealth?

ShatnersBassoon · 27/07/2010 09:53

You've never had to look after your children without assistance before? How old are they?

notyummy · 27/07/2010 09:53

Why shouldnt he have a weekend away?

I have them at least twice a year with my mates. DH a lot less than that actually, but that is because he works away so much alreday (military) that he feels guilty about missing DD.

(And I know I am lucky btw)

It sounds all very wholesome and sweet tbh.

I am planning to go somewhere in Europe with 2/3 mates will all be 40 about the same time as me. We will have a girls weekend....it is unlikely to be as wholesome as his camping trip tbh. Does that mean I AMBVU??

HouseofCrazy · 27/07/2010 10:00

DO you work full time during the week? How old are the children?

upahill · 27/07/2010 10:00

TBH Jannamummy it sounds like the perfect 40th if you enjoy camping. Sounds like he sidoing his best to keep everyone happy and also to do something that he fancies.

Why the boo when you mention PIL?

The camping isn't on his birthday anyway.

Blimey I'm glad your not my partner!!!

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