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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset at DH's camping trip?

75 replies

Jannamummy · 27/07/2010 00:29

Lovely DH, very kind, tolerant, supportive and hands on daddy etc, wants to go camping with 'the boys' for his fortieth. Wants to take me, DC and PiL (boo) out for nice meal on actual day, have weekend at home just 4 of us and the camping would be week after. I feel anxious about being left with DCs all weekend (as DC is sooo hands on, I imagine it would be very hard work) and also a bit put out as a romantic or family weekend away would have been nice, no? So, AIBU?

OP posts:

upahill · 27/07/2010 10:01

YunoYur....... That crossed my mind as well!

belgo · 27/07/2010 10:01

I'd have thought that the birthday was more relevant to his parents, after all it's forty years since they became his parents. It's not surprising they want to be involved in the celebrations.

stripeyknickersspottysocks · 27/07/2010 10:04

Sorry but I think YABU.

My DH goes away with his friends a lot of weekends, probably 3 out of 4 in the summer. They're all into paragliding so they go off doing that. I've never stopped him.

When DD was 8 weeks old I can rememebr feeling a bit daunted about being left with her for the first time. It was a BH weekend and I did ask him to come home late on Sunday rather than stay another night and Monday. Apart from that he's always gone and done his own thing. Be thankful with your DH its a one off!

It works both ways though, I've had the odd weekend away with my mates, though nowhere near as much as DH goes. Could you have a break one weekend away with friends?

upahill · 27/07/2010 10:20

I'd be a really miserable person if I didn't go off for the weekends now and then.
Sometimes I may just do an overnight by myself, other times just a YH or camp with a mate. A couple of times a year me and a load of mates will go to Malmaisson for a spa weekend.

Dh goes away to the motorshows and Grand Prix.

Everybody has different interests and it is good to indulge in a hobby or interest with out always feeling you have to make a compromise because the other person doesn't feel the same about it as you.

I love having the kids by myself and unless there is a very good reason why not, and I can think of quite a few where it may not be appropiate, I don't see there being a problem unless your reveal more information.

Like I said before he has included you in his birthday plans. Why don't you organize a family weekend away if you want one?

Oblomov · 27/07/2010 10:48

is malif serious ? whats wierd about it ?

Malificence · 27/07/2010 12:30

I am serious, I just think it's odd when people want to go away seperately without their family.
Obviously I'm in a minority.

MisSalLaneous · 27/07/2010 12:37

So if, for example, you want to do something girly like a spa break and dh not keen, it's just tough luck for life??

I wouldn't like Amsterdam weekends etc, but good grief, some time apart is good for everyone. Dh went to the Olympics with a friend a couple of years ago as I couldn't / didn't fancy it that much. They had a great time, I missed him, all in all good for all involved.

If it was every second weekend, that is different.

lisasimpson · 27/07/2010 12:58

If a woman was saying she fancied a weekend away camping 'with the girls' I doubt anyone would say it was 'weird' and since when was a family weekend away 'romantic'?

ILovePlayingDarts · 27/07/2010 13:03

I frequently have the dcs all weekend on my own, as DP's rota often includes weekends. That said he does get days off in the week. In fact DP has the kids all to himself right now while I'm at work.

And while Malificence has her ideas about people and families, I am perfectly happy if DP wants to go off and do something, as long as I get the chance to do my thing also at some time (which I do). DP and I have some different hobbies and interests, so while we spend a good deal of time together as a family, we also get to spend time to ourselves for our other interests.

EG, I like making jewellery, DP definitely not interested in that so I get to go off to the odd craft show on my own.

overmydeadbody · 27/07/2010 13:07

Of course YABU

He is entitled to a weekend away without his family.

And you will cope just fine alone for a weekend. How do you think single mothers manage?

overmydeadbody · 27/07/2010 13:10

Malifience you sound very wierd, tbh, thinking camping with mates is meant for teenagers only

Do you get out much?

Nothing wrong with a man wanting to go away with friends, even if he calls them mates and is 40. For goodness sake.

SleepingLion · 27/07/2010 13:11

I have just agreed to go away with my sister, her son and my son for a week, leaving DH at home so that he can get some work done in peace. We are doing this even though we are both on holiday atm (both teachers) Obviously very weird

Why on earth would you not be able to look after the children by yourself for a weekend, OP? YABVU and a bit feeble too, TBH.

overmydeadbody · 27/07/2010 13:15

Malifience do you find it wierd that people are individuals?

As individuals, regardless of our families, we are still entitled to do things on our own if we want to.

It's attitudes like yours that make men feel trapped in relationships.

Everyone has the right to do thigns on their own if they want to.

MisSalLaneous · 27/07/2010 13:29

Joined-by-the-hip issues aside, I have to ask: Malifience, have you evern been camping?? Sorry, but I'm baffled by your teenager comment.

Malificence · 27/07/2010 13:47

No, camping is my idea of hell on earth, as is going away on a girly weekend.

DH has been away alone by choice ( rather than work) precisely twice in 25 years, once because he had a chance to go to Le mans in a Caterham, I didn't go because DD was in the middle of her GCSEs, and the second time he went and met up with some Air force mates , so stayed overnight on camp.

Perhaps I have a vastly different opinion because he was away from us such a lot when DD was little, family time was always very precious and no way in hell would he have put anyone else above us.

I do think it's very weird for someone to want to celebrate their 40th with people other than their family tbh.

deaddei · 27/07/2010 13:55

Depends what your family are like!
I go away 3 or 4 times a year sans dh and dcs, as does dh.
In fact, we are not having a family holiday this summer, as I find it very stressful, and we are having a vacances chez nous, with money to spend on theatre, trips out and nice meals. And it's very nice so far.

Dh plays golf at least 4 times a week, and although I like him around, and enjoy nights in/out with him, I love it when he's not around too!
But then I'm very self sufficient, and my dcs are now 11 and 13 so do their own thing.

notyummy · 27/07/2010 14:01

Malifience - My DH is also in the forces and goes away a lot. This means that he doesnt go away on his own a lot because he would miss DD (and me!)

I do go away, because I see dd all the time, and like to see my friends (who live all over the country, so getting them together for a couple of weekends a year is the best way of catching up.)

Nothing wrong with a 'girly' weekend - naff word, but spending time with good female friends, enjoying each others company...whats to be sneered at?

Also, the OP said that her DH has planned 40th celebrations including the family - but would like to do this as well. Its not either or.

Gay40 · 27/07/2010 14:01

Yeah, I think you need to grow up and get a grip. He's accommodating you all ffs

alarkaspree · 27/07/2010 14:06

I was a bit terrified the first time dh went away for a weekend and I had to look after the children, even though he travelled a lot in the week for work. So I feel for you, OP. But you are probably worrying unnecessarily, it will be just fine.

And I can understand you wanting to celebrate your dh 40th 'romantically' but I'd have thought it was up to you to organise that. Why don't you arrange a babysitter and take him out?

2babyblues · 27/07/2010 14:14

YABU. It sounds like he is lovely. He is taking you and kids and PIL out for meal to celebrate. He is camping with friends- again sounds quite considerate like he doesn't want to spend tons of money on just him but would like the chance to have a bit of free time with friends. When it comes to a special occasion for you I am sure he could return the favour.

deaddei · 27/07/2010 14:15

alarkaspree- how many dcs have you got?
I'm struggling to see why looking after them yourself is such a big deal?
Unless you have 5 under the age of 6 , as my MIL had!
Just genuinely curious and not being nasty!!!

Soapsy · 27/07/2010 14:18

Why do people have to describe others as weird or odd because they enjoy different lifestyles to what they consider normal?

Personally I don't understand couples who feel all their down time has to be together but each to their own. My DH is in the Forces so goes away a lot for work, but also wants to go and visit his mates, what is so weird about that?

I also hate camping and girly weekends, but that doesn't mean I can't understand why it might appeal to others.

Anyway back to the question. YABU. Let him enjoy a weekend with his mates. You've already got family plans in place.

MisSalLaneous · 27/07/2010 14:19

Thanks for answering, Malificence. I wasn't having a go, just baffled by your idea of camping (or perhaps just how I took it). For me, it's really just sitting back and breathing for a change. Around the campfire, talking, listening to nature. Wholesome, if you want.

Fair enough if you and your dh don't want to spend time apart - that's great, if it is what you both prefer. But is is very uncommon that two people would have exactly the same hobbies and interests for the rest of their lives, and if they do, I don't think stopping the other from at least occasionally doing that is fair.

For what it's worth, we rarely spend time apart on holidays or weekends (ignoring work trips, obviously), but I don't think I'm his boss so I would never forbid him from doing something he really wanted. At the same time, he respects me and obviously wouldn't suggest going to some random stripping weekend. Mind you, it's not him anyway, but for the sake of argument. Mutual respect and responsibility is what works for us.

PS: I know this is going off-topic, but as the OP doesn't seem to be coming back, I'm not sure who to apologise to!

thesecondcoming · 27/07/2010 14:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

flaime · 27/07/2010 14:34

I wish my DH would go away for the weekend and do something for himself. He's really into 'we have to do it as a family' and it drives me up the wall that he doesn't think we exist as people in our own right any more. Not that it stops me going out

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