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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

not to let my sister bring her dogs into my house?

56 replies

Limara · 26/07/2010 23:49

I invited my sister, her DH and their DD (21) up for Sunday lunch and my sister asked if she could bring her two dogs. My text back to her explained at how much I was cringing answering her request in the hope she'd understand how difficult it was refusing but I asked if they be happy in the garden? (nice day)

She replied she'd leave it then, with no kiss at the end of the message. I was a bit miffed and replied 'Catch you later'.

I sent her another text the next day asking if she was ok generally as I was still unsure if it was the dog 'issue' but didn't get a reply.

Mum rang 2/3 days later saying that she'd spoken to her and she said I'd chosen my house over her and that I didn't understand the love she feels for her dogs.

I sent my sister a very long text back explaining that I do understand as I've got a cat and I explained that we'd made a choice not to have a dog and as she knows, we've just finished the kitchen and downstairs after 5 years of DIY hell and that we didn't want it spoiled. She is also aware of the stress we'd been under living too.
I reasurred her that I love her dogs and that there was no way I was choosing my house over her. I said again that her dogs could have stayed in the garden whilst we had lunch and then we could have gone for a walk up the hill at the back of the house.

I didn't put this in the text but we have off white polished tiles with off white grout which haven't been sealed yet. Also, her dogs are big, with long beards which are prone to massive drips and they are very, very excitable and bubbly and I was just worried about them damaging something in our small home.

My friends, little short haired dog comes into our house and is very welcome as she's no problem.

Yesterday, mum rang me to say that my sister has given her my sons birthday card to give to him meaning she has no intention of seeing him on or near his birthday?

AIBU to want to keep my house looking nice?
AIBU to offer her dogs my big garden? (just incase someone thinks the garden is an issue IYKWIM)
AIBU to reassure my sister she is loved and it isn't personal?
AIBU to offer to cook her dinner?
AIBU how I tried to explain to her that I found it difficult not to offend her?
AIBU how I tried to explain my reasons regarding 5 long
bloody years of DIY hell?

OP posts:

Scaredofthedark · 26/07/2010 23:52

its your house, your rules.

As long as there is some shade and something for the dogs to drink, they'll be fine outside.

Make sure she cleans up their poo!

stripeyknickersspottysocks · 26/07/2010 23:59

She's being unreasonable. I have a dog and wouldn't even ask my SIL and brother if I could take the dog with me when we visit. I know SIL isn't very keen on dogs which is fair enough.

I wouldn't expect someone else to be happy with my dog in their home.

I don't let my mum bring her dog into my house as hers stresses my cats out by trying to chase them.

Original poster

Limara · 26/07/2010 23:59

Yeah lots of shade. My DH wasn't keen on them even being in the garden because of the poo but I'm ok with that even. I lived with 3 dogs once, border lakeland, Lab and a springer and I loved them. The springer was INSANE and I never brought him to peoples houses because he was a handful!

OP posts:

Original poster

Limara · 27/07/2010 00:02

Stripey, she never mentioned my cat when she spoke with our mum. She was expecting me to understand her love for her dogs but never took my cat into consideration. I never brought my cat into the arena because I didn't want to use emotional blackmail IYKWIM?

OP posts:

Jajas · 27/07/2010 00:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

seeker · 27/07/2010 00:04

Do you let your children in on the off white polished tiles?

Original poster

Limara · 27/07/2010 00:07

Seeker, yes I do but I get them to wear thick socks and they inadvertently polish whilst they walk .

OP posts:

kingsheath · 27/07/2010 00:12

"she said I'd chosen my house over her and that I didn't understand the love she feels for her dogs"

I am not honestly not trying to be rude and I don't know how to put this but does your sister have some kind of learning difficulty? It sounds like that she can't separate her own sense of self from these animals.

Her dogs were not invited, she was invited. I find it hard to believe that she cannot be apart from her dogs for a few hours to eat Sunday lunch (How does she go shopping? How does she go to the doctors? How does she go to the theatre? etc).

I would stand your ground here, you are the owner of the house, not the doormat. She sounds very spoiled and will take further liberties if you let her have her childish ways.

Vallhala · 27/07/2010 00:14

I'm a dog owner. I adore my dogs, am a rescuer and am so pro-dog it's daft.

I also like to think that I have respect for other people and their homes. IMHO you aren't unreasonable in the least. It's your home, and your rules. You haven't told DS that she is unwelcome or to eff off and have offered to safely accommodate her dogs, explaining why they would cause a problem if they were indoors. It's not as if it's winter or you have an unshaded garden which could cause them harm, FGS.

Silly woman! She's being rude and presumptuous.

ravenAK · 27/07/2010 00:15

YANBU!

But I suspect some 'doggy' people may think you are.

I once nearly fell out with BIL & SIL because we'd invited them for Xmas, but said we couldn't accommodate their dog. We had 3 v small dcs & several cats, & their dog was a recently acquired, rescue dog the size of a small bus, a great hairy drooling thing which had already terrified MIL by knocking her to the ground in a moment of exuberance. If you imagine a four-legged combination of Chewbacca & Jaws...

SIL apparently felt that I shouldn't expect them to leave the dog for 48 hours with their lodger, because I 'wouldn't do that with my children, & Xmas is a special time'.

I really don't get this 'love me, love my dog' business, but you definitely aren't BU.

Original poster

Limara · 27/07/2010 00:19

Yeah I know the dog lovers may surface tomorrow morning. They are sleeping right now because they have walked unnecessary MILES AND MILES today with their boys and girls and they are tired...! AH

OP posts:

piprabbit · 27/07/2010 00:20

I think you were being perfectly reasonable to offer to put the dogs in the garden.

Your sister is being perfectly reasonable in declining the invitation if she feels that staying in the garden would be detrimental to her dogs.

She is being entirely unreasonable if she sulks, stamps her feet, uses emotional blackmail or puts your mum in the middle of your argument. She should just let it drop.

jenniepanda · 27/07/2010 00:21

YANBU We have had 3 dogs for 10 years and it has never once occured to me to take them to anyone elses house!

Original poster

Limara · 27/07/2010 00:23

Gonna be burned alive aren't I! Only joking dog lovers, I was one once. Thanks guys but as I suspected and definately from your responses, she may have other issues with me.

OP posts:

vInTaGeVioLeT · 27/07/2010 00:39

YANBU - I'm a dog owner and i would ask if i could bring my dog but totally understand if you said no. She is being silly.

Ewe · 27/07/2010 01:13

Yanbu but pick up the phone and stop texting, if you were actually having a proper conversation I have no doubt this could all have been avoided!

Original poster

Limara · 27/07/2010 01:27

Ewe your probably right. I just don't want the rejection though. I can tell that Mum is careful about what she is relaying to me.

When we were younger, my sister had a terrible temper and bullied me a great deal growing up and I just don't want to risk getting on the wrong side of her. If she starts bringing up unrelated stuff (because I just can't believe the dog scenario), I won't be able to handle it because if your sister thinks that bad of you?

OP posts:

BitOfFun · 27/07/2010 01:55

It does sound like you tiptoe around her, tbh. I would cut off the oxygen to her bossiness which pussyfooting around her feelings gives, and stop falling over yourself explaining and leave her to it.

Original poster

Limara · 27/07/2010 02:02

Thanks bitofun. Tbh, I tend to do that with people. My DH says that I should stand up to people like I do with him if a grin is possible when I'm this tired. Is it cowardly to never stand up for yourself because you might hear something else back?

OP posts:

TechLovingDad · 27/07/2010 02:13

If you call your sister and she starts being abusive or out of order, put the phone down.
She wouldn't put up with being spoken to like that and neither should you.

sunnydelight · 27/07/2010 07:32

YANBU - you offered to have them, but in the garden which seems like a reasonable compromise to me. You have my sympathy though - it's just not worth getting on the wrong side of my sister either as she has a vicious tongue on her but luckily I live in Australia

fedupofnamechanging · 27/07/2010 07:51

Another YANBU here. I don't know anyone who takes their dog to every place they go. Would your sister sulk at the doctors surgery or supermarket because they won't allow dogs? She is being very silly and childish and I echo the views that you should refuse to indulge this behaviour from her. Sorry she has upset you, you sound like a nice sister to have

Original poster

Limara · 27/07/2010 08:01

Thank you Karma

OP posts:

PrettyCandles · 27/07/2010 08:05

YANBU at all.

Your house, your rules. You have not made her unwelcome - the dogs are welcome in your garden ut not in the house. End of. You do not need to justify yourself or crawl to her. Tho I suppose a slightly less in-yer-face way of saying it than what I just posted would be advisable

My db and his dp have three huge labs, who go almost everywhere with them, but they never bring the dogs into anyone else's house. Even when I offered them the run of the garden, they refused because they didn't want the risk that a dog might poo in our garden. The dogs stay in the car and get taken out for water, playing and walks.

My db, sadly, has no children. The dogs are his babies and he dotes upon them. But, even though he can be a real oik at times, he would never dream of inflicting them on anybody.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 27/07/2010 08:08

You need to actually talk to her. She is being very unreasonable and she needs to be told that. She sounds like a spoilt little madam TBH

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