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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

not to let my sister bring her dogs into my house?

56 replies

Limara · 26/07/2010 23:49

I invited my sister, her DH and their DD (21) up for Sunday lunch and my sister asked if she could bring her two dogs. My text back to her explained at how much I was cringing answering her request in the hope she'd understand how difficult it was refusing but I asked if they be happy in the garden? (nice day)

She replied she'd leave it then, with no kiss at the end of the message. I was a bit miffed and replied 'Catch you later'.

I sent her another text the next day asking if she was ok generally as I was still unsure if it was the dog 'issue' but didn't get a reply.

Mum rang 2/3 days later saying that she'd spoken to her and she said I'd chosen my house over her and that I didn't understand the love she feels for her dogs.

I sent my sister a very long text back explaining that I do understand as I've got a cat and I explained that we'd made a choice not to have a dog and as she knows, we've just finished the kitchen and downstairs after 5 years of DIY hell and that we didn't want it spoiled. She is also aware of the stress we'd been under living too.
I reasurred her that I love her dogs and that there was no way I was choosing my house over her. I said again that her dogs could have stayed in the garden whilst we had lunch and then we could have gone for a walk up the hill at the back of the house.

I didn't put this in the text but we have off white polished tiles with off white grout which haven't been sealed yet. Also, her dogs are big, with long beards which are prone to massive drips and they are very, very excitable and bubbly and I was just worried about them damaging something in our small home.

My friends, little short haired dog comes into our house and is very welcome as she's no problem.

Yesterday, mum rang me to say that my sister has given her my sons birthday card to give to him meaning she has no intention of seeing him on or near his birthday?

AIBU to want to keep my house looking nice?
AIBU to offer her dogs my big garden? (just incase someone thinks the garden is an issue IYKWIM)
AIBU to reassure my sister she is loved and it isn't personal?
AIBU to offer to cook her dinner?
AIBU how I tried to explain to her that I found it difficult not to offend her?
AIBU how I tried to explain my reasons regarding 5 long
bloody years of DIY hell?

OP posts:

Myleetlepony · 27/07/2010 08:11

So, your sister has chosen her dogs over her family, and over her nephew. Maybe she should see this thread. I would not allow her dogs in my house if a) I had a cat and b) they drool. For anyone who doesn't have dogs, and many who do, drool being splashed everywhere is absolutely disgusting.
You suggested a very sensible solution, she's acting like an idiot.

Original poster

Limara · 27/07/2010 08:16

She hasn't replied to any of my texts, so far opting to communicate with my mum . My mum has maintained she can see both sides of it but I asked her yesterday to 'have an opinion' and to tell my sister she was in this instance, being unreasonable.

I think it's important that my mum stands up for me because she has sat on the fence on more than one occasion; with differences of opinion over the years and when it's been so bloody obvious others have been in the wrong.

OP posts:

Original poster

Limara · 27/07/2010 08:18

I need to 'grow a pair'.

OP posts:

LisaD1 · 27/07/2010 08:22

Seriously? Your sister sounds like a bullying loon!

I have had dogs for years (we now have a cat as our house is too small for a big dog and I don't want a small dog) and they are a lifestyle choice. Your sister's dogs are her lifestyle choice, not yours. She needs to either train her dogs so they are happy to be left alone while she comes to lunch or accept that her choice to keep them attached to her at all times may result in her not being able to accept lunch dates.

I love my animals (we have a cat and 2 horses) but I would never expect anyone else to love them like I do or to accomadate my lifestyle choice.

OrmRenewed · 27/07/2010 08:23

Nope nbu. I am quite fond of dogs but don't have one and think she is being totally ridiculous.

pjmama · 27/07/2010 08:48

Your sister is being totally bloody ridiculous. I'd strongly suggest leaving her to it until she decides to grow up. If she's never going to accept an invitation anywhere unless her dogs are invited too, then she's going to end up finding herself left with a very small social circle.

clam · 27/07/2010 08:57

Stop texting her.
Disengage. Let her sulk. You know she's being totally unreasonable (and MN agrees unanimously so there!) so let her get on with it.
It'd be nice if your mum could get off the fence and support you for once. By attempting to sit in the middle, she's actually alienating you, as it's clear you've tried hard to smooth things over and ofer solutions and your sister hasn't.

Morloth · 27/07/2010 09:03

Sounds completely mad. They are dogs.

My Mum has hideous little rat dogs chihuahuas which she treats like babies (unless her GCs are around) and even she doesn't suggest taking them with her when she goes visiting.

sarah293 · 27/07/2010 09:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

gobsmackedetal · 27/07/2010 09:19

my friend, whose dogs are her life, always closes them out in the garden when she has people around, they're huge and excitable and she always says "I don't know if my guests will appreciate them, plus they're dogs, designed to be outside". She leaves them inside for me because I have insisted on it since I like their company, but she still wouldn't dream of bringing them into my tiny house.

She's being unreasonable and selfish

HollyGoHeavily · 27/07/2010 09:48

YANBU for not wanting her dogs to come to your house.

But you are being unreasonable to expect to have an adult discussion via sodding text message. Pick up the phone, call her and talk about it.

NestaFiesta · 27/07/2010 10:01

YANBU. She is being precious and selfish and attention seeking. You haven't even said she can't bring them, just keep them in the garden. She is not considering your love for your pet, nor is she considering her poor little nephew who is being snubbed over a dog!

If she were my sister I would tell what I thought of her behaviour and not invite her again. She is being a sulky bully and being horrible to her nephew in the process by not seeing him for his birthday. What a cow.

MrsC2010 · 27/07/2010 10:07

YANBU from a thoroughly devoted dog owner. There are places we'll take ours, and places we won't. Doesn't mean we don't love them!

MrsC2010 · 27/07/2010 10:09

And agree with those saying to ignore her. You don't need to try to placate her, you have done nothing wrong. If she comes to you in a strop point out that she has chosen her dogs over her family, nephew etc so that makes you even Stevens.

SandStorm · 27/07/2010 10:19

First of all let me make it clear that YANBU.

I am not an animal person of any description - cats, dogs, guinea pigs etc. and when my in-laws come to stay their dogs live in our garden or the kitchen and that's it. The alternative for them would be to put them in kennels as they live over four hours away and they can't just pop in for lunch. They respect my feelings about their dogs just as I respect the fact that kennels aren't an appropriate option for them when they come to visit.

However, I do wonder if your sister's attitude is being aggravated by the fact you have allowed another dog in the house. I appreciate what you're saying about it being smaller and no trouble but can your sister make that differentiation? Have you made this absolutely clear? Otherwise I can see how she might think this is personal to her dogs.

Just a thought but as I said before YANBU.

wishingchair · 27/07/2010 10:22

Yep - she's chosen her dogs over her own family and nephew. I would just draw a line under it. Tell your mum you refuse to talk to her any more about it. If your sister wants to pick up the phone she can, but other than that you just want to stop wasting valuable time and energy fretting over this as you know you were being perfectly reasonable and she was being childish and quite frankly rude.

Assuming nothing else happens, leave it a while then just carry on as normal ... but I suggest the next time you contact her, call her rather than text. That way, if she is sulking still, you can actually discuss it and hopefully clear the air.

midori1999 · 27/07/2010 11:38

I am a dog owner and my dogs are just as important to me as my children. However, I would not expect anyone else to have my dogs in their home, or even theie garden. I do however, expect my friends to understand that my dogs limit what I am able to do/go to as will only leave them a certain length of time.

I once made the 2 1/2 hour drive to my sister's with my Grandmother and children for my nieces birthday party. We had a the time and I had explained to my sister that I would have to bring her with me. When I got there, my BIL refused to even let me into the entrance porch of the hall to say hello to my niece as I had the puppy with me, he actually stood and blocked the way saying I couldn't go and say hello as the puppy would 'scare' all the children. A Golden Retriever puppy FFS!!! On a lead and totally under control. That is unreasonable...

NarkyPuffin · 27/07/2010 11:38

She can't leave the dogs alone for lunch? Unless you live 3 hours away, she's being a loon.

BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte · 27/07/2010 11:44

YANBU. Our cat doesn't like dogs in our house either. And it's us who live here...

shockers · 27/07/2010 11:53

I love dogs, I have one myself, but I don't really want other people's dogs in my home... including my Mum's which she is obsessive about leaving, even for an hour. I sometimes feel the dog must be wishing she would leave him in peace!

A compromise would have been having lunch, leaving the dogs in the garden, and then all taking them for a walk together. Do you think she would have gone for that?

caramelwaffle · 27/07/2010 11:57

Yanbu

ohnelly · 27/07/2010 15:08

YANBU she needs to grow up!

proudnsad · 27/07/2010 15:10

YANBU but why all the texting, cldn't you just speak to each other?!

TheDoodler · 27/07/2010 15:20

YANBU - i have three large dogs and take them to my parents house and my sisters house (they have two each too) but don't take them to PILs or BILS and SILs who both have cream carpets and loathe dogs.....There loss .

It's not really an issue - MIL said she couldn't cope with them in the house and that's it. When we go there they stay with my parents.

Porcelain · 27/07/2010 15:21

She asked if she could bring the dogs, surely that means that she was giving you the option to say no. Then she gets upset when you say yes, but with conditions. That is not just unreasonable, but manipulative, why offer you a choice she never intended you to make?

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