For being p*ssed off at this unreasonable request?

[MummikinsOopNorth]

My sister and I are close. Always have been really, apart from the usual childhood sibling fighting.

She has teenage children from a previous marriage and they're good kids.

She married a Mexican man 5 years ago and he seems to really dislike us (all her family), is sexist and talks to my neices and nephews like sh*t really. They have tried incredibly hard and have been much more open and willing to accept their stepfather into their lives than I ever would've at their tender ages, and treat him with respect, but he gives nothing but rudeness and disrespect back to them. He has been most rude to me and now when I visit my DSis, he blanks me totally. All because I have told him in the past that he should respect my sister a little more. We basically say hello to each other, and then he will move to another room while I spend time at my Dsis' home.

My sister was recently ill with a virus-type bug and he still had her cooking his meals and never helped once with the housework, so while she should've been resting in bed, she was keeping on top of the house and making him his food. Her kids offered to cook for him so their mum could rest in bed, but he refused to take their offer.

So background bit over, my sister is a doormat, we all know that, all the family have tried to tell her he's such a horrible person but she is in love. She sides with him over her DC, and has fallen out with several family members over them telling her some home truths and suggesting he's a user.

So, the thing is that her DH's mother is now dying in Mexico. He is very close to her and lived with her until he moved to this country. He has little money because he sends the majority of his wages over to his large family in Mexico and they use it for living expenses and food.

As they have very little money and already have loads of debt, DSis has asked me to take out a bank loan for £500 to pay for a flight for her H to go home to see his sick mother. I refused politely, but when I visited her again yesterday she said for me to think about it, and was literally begging me to 'just take time to think about it', so i'm left in a very difficult place. Of course, I don't want to upset my sister. I feel so sad for the situation she is in, and since she got with him, looks so downtrodden and sad. So do I or don't I help her out?

No way. Don't do it.

unless its a one way ticket??

I think you're being a little unreasonable to be pissed off - I think it's pretty sad that your sister's life is as you've described to the extent that she's asking you for the money at all - but you're right it's an unreasonable request and no way should you do it.

You could buy a one-way ticket.

If there's any possibility he would go and not come back, you should consider it. It may be the easiest way to get shot. Would your DSis be devastated or secretly relieved?

I would buy him a single ticket only.

But you're not helping her out - you're helping him out and seeing as he doesn't seem to be able to lift a finger to help himself I really wouldn't bother.

Erm, YANBU to be pssed off.
His choice to send his money back home to his family (his OTHER family, incidentally, at the expense of your sister and his SC, who are in debt).
Just because she's acting like a doormat doesn't mean you have to. Not your problem.

It would be different if £ 500 were no skin off your nose (i.e. you were loaded) but because you have to take a loan out ----absolutely NO WAY

Thanks for replying lovely ladies!

They say they can pay the weekly or monthly payments back to me by giving his family a little less and Sis' DH doing overtime.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

I would give him the money.

On the condition it was a one way ticket.

Seriously though - you are in a shitty position - I don't envy you. However, I would have to be honest with her and tell her that I don't feel inclined to help out someone who treats my (entire family) and most importantly my sister, niece & nephew the way he does - so he will have to find another way to fund it. I would also tell her that when she wises up to the way he is treating her and the kids that you will be there for her - she needs to see what he's doing to her kids (& her).

I would tell your sister that her husband has to ask you for the money in person. Not second-hand via her. If he really wants the cash he won't mind showing a little humility, will he?

Don't do it.

YANBU

Well if you could afford to write the money off - yes - I'd buy the one-way ticket.

But if you can't afford it - I wouldn't take out a loan.

Dont do it.

Whilst we cannot run other people's lives and if your sister is being used as a doormat that is her problem (to a certain extent. She should grow some balls and stand up to him, in love or not) you getting into debt becomes YOUR problem.

Tell her whilst you sympathise, you really cannot do it.

Her H will just have to not send so much money back this month.

And without being a complete cynic, do we know that the mother is dying? Is this not him just being a total shit, getting out there and then dumping her?

YABU. You should help your sister out any way you can- it's family.

Bwahahaha sorry, I was just trying to imagine on what planet of strange would anybody think it reasonable for you to get a loan out to give to someone you don't even like. Of course YANBU.

If they could afford to pay you back, why can't they take out a loan of their own?

NO unless it's one way.

Dont buy them both tickets, buy him a one way ticket back! Its a very sad situation.

This "man" has put the needs of his family in Mexico before those of your sister by sending them most of his wages, so that now he has to borrow money from people he seems to despise. He's a bad lot. Just buy a one-way ticket if you have to help him at all.

and just to say, up to the past year or so, he's been back home to Mexico twice a year to see his family, and my neices and nephews haven't been on holiday since they were 2, 4, 5 and 7 and they are now 16, 18, 19 and almost 21. They have been on one holiday in their lives and that was to Blackpool. They are all able to go abroad with their mates now as young adults, thankfully, but I think that the fact they have not been able to afford to go away whilst he has been jetting to and forth from Mexico highlights just what a selfish fool he is. He could've easily turned around and sacrificed one of his twice-yearly visits to Mexico, where he stays in hotels, instead of his family who would be more than happy to accomodate him, and makes a complete holiday of it, easily costing almost £1000 each trip, why didn't he use that money to take DSis and her children to the seaside for the weekend? Also, none of the DC have been able to afford to go to uni. One of them had dreams (and certainly the brains) for Oxford but because all the DC have to pay extortionate lodgings and board to live there so he can afford to go away, (or could - now he can't, obviously, hence DSis asking me for loan) sis' kids can't ever save up for their own place or follow their dreams of going to uni or travelling abroad themselves. Ooooh, just writing this makes me so angry for them. Selfish, selfish kn*bhead that he is.