For being p*ssed off at this unreasonable request?

[MummikinsOopNorth]

My sister and I are close. Always have been really, apart from the usual childhood sibling fighting.

She has teenage children from a previous marriage and they're good kids.

She married a Mexican man 5 years ago and he seems to really dislike us (all her family), is sexist and talks to my neices and nephews like sh*t really. They have tried incredibly hard and have been much more open and willing to accept their stepfather into their lives than I ever would've at their tender ages, and treat him with respect, but he gives nothing but rudeness and disrespect back to them. He has been most rude to me and now when I visit my DSis, he blanks me totally. All because I have told him in the past that he should respect my sister a little more. We basically say hello to each other, and then he will move to another room while I spend time at my Dsis' home.

My sister was recently ill with a virus-type bug and he still had her cooking his meals and never helped once with the housework, so while she should've been resting in bed, she was keeping on top of the house and making him his food. Her kids offered to cook for him so their mum could rest in bed, but he refused to take their offer.

So background bit over, my sister is a doormat, we all know that, all the family have tried to tell her he's such a horrible person but she is in love. She sides with him over her DC, and has fallen out with several family members over them telling her some home truths and suggesting he's a user.

So, the thing is that her DH's mother is now dying in Mexico. He is very close to her and lived with her until he moved to this country. He has little money because he sends the majority of his wages over to his large family in Mexico and they use it for living expenses and food.

As they have very little money and already have loads of debt, DSis has asked me to take out a bank loan for £500 to pay for a flight for her H to go home to see his sick mother. I refused politely, but when I visited her again yesterday she said for me to think about it, and was literally begging me to 'just take time to think about it', so i'm left in a very difficult place. Of course, I don't want to upset my sister. I feel so sad for the situation she is in, and since she got with him, looks so downtrodden and sad. So do I or don't I help her out?

She enables it, though.

oh, and I definately can't afford to get this loan for them. I would be entirely relying on them to stick to their word to pay me back.

Your sister is a nob for allowing anybody to treat her children like that though. Sorry, but she's as bad as he is.

He sounds like a proper piece of work.
However, your sister is choosing to stay with him and facilitate his behaviour and allow it to impact on her children. She needs to send him packing.
Could you show this thread to her?

BitOfFun....just spat out my drink!!

Altinkum, their mother has drummed into them that they are not to go to uni if they can't afford it without getting a student loan and told them that after college, they all have had to get jobs to help support the household and sadly, they've all listened to her bar the youngest, who is very sure of what he wants and i'm hoping will be able to be the first in our family to go to uni and break free of the rut all her kids have gotten into. She told them that if they go off to uni, then they're on their own and I think that must be scary to a 17/18 yr old who has barely been out of their tiny little village.

He has another family over there, has been supporting them and is going to go back now and not come back, leaving your sis in the shit. And by that I mean, a secret family, not his "blood relatives".

The others are right, your sister is an idiot for putting up with this and allowing her DH to have such a huge negative impact on her DC's lives.

Sorry but the more you say about this bloke the more convinced I am that your sis is going to end up very hurt by this, and very soon.

you don't even need to give an excuse.........just say that you are not eligible for a bank loan. End of.

I agree with BitofFun.

Thanks for all of your replies, again. I will certainly take this advice. I don't have the internet at home so will sign off for now, but thanks again everyone

I think your sister is as bad as he is. No way on earth would I allow my DC to be treated badly by anyone. If I was in your position I would concentrate on helping my neices/nephews break free and leave the sister/bil to their own devices. Once the DC are away, they can't be milked for money by your useless sister/bil

I have to say then that your sister is showing some selfish traits herself. Why is she drumming it into them they are not to go off to uni?

Would she not want them to escape out of the 'tiny little village' and have a shot at life?

Her dc sound lovely too. What a shame.

Reading a little more info here, Your sister sounds very selfish, she got herself into that situation and its her own doing, but wanting to subject her children to it too! Not wanting the best for them and to live in that god awful life.

Here's what I want to know...where the hell is he finding a flight to Mexico from the UK for £500???

I just did a quick search, assuming London to Mexico City (and that's probably not right anyway), as two major airports so probably the lowest airfare to get there. Lowest airfare? £1855

So I'd want to know what the money was really for.

Sorry but the blame lies with your dsis. She is selfish.She puts this loser before her own kids all the time, and wants you to bail her?

Why have her kids had one holiday in 14 years, yet she has been with the man only 5, what of the years in between?

I think there is more to this than you are saying..

Tee2072 - Trailfinders, for example, are offering Contineltal Airlines Heathrow to Mexico City £615 for August. Would probably be cheaper a bit later on.

FWIW I would agree with making him ask me/explaining direct, not through the sister. He sounds arrogant - and if he doesn't want to talk to you, how can he possibly ask you for a loan?

OMFG
No absolutely not.
What an horrendously awful situation for you.
I hope your sis gets shot of him sooner rather than later, as her relationship with her kids will already have been damaged by her putting this loser before them.

They are both as bad as each other.

My stepsister is the same, lives in a shite hole, the kids have fuck all, have never been on holiday not even for a one night camping trip.
She moans about having no money but won't dump the leech that she hands over all her cash for.....

A £500 loan means you are going to have to go to Provident or someone equally shitty am I right? (high street banks will not lend £500 unless overdraft) So your darling sister wants you to borrow money at an extortionate rate to subsidise her husbands holiday ( I don't believe his mother is ill) and she is lying to you about why he is going and has no way of paying you back either.

Say no. Stuff her and her husband.

If he wants to go so badly he can work extra hours and earn £500 or get some of his family to lend it to him or shockhorror take the loan out his bloody self and let his credit rating take the hammering! I'd rather eat my own turds than give my hard earned cash to someone i disliked.

As for your sister, i'm sorry i cannot believe what you have written about the uni education. She is a goddamn fool.

he'd have to beg me - then i might consider it

i don't do beggin by proxy

No bloody way, he is clearly a total knob-rot and will just have to sort himself out.

if you have to get a loan to pay, then surely that is obvious that you cant do it? particularly since its also obvious that the money wont ever be returned.

he may be a user, but your sister is the one allowing him to walk all over her kids. that makes me more angry than him tbh

YANBU - he sounds like a piece of work. Though your sister sounds almost as bad as she's letting him do this to her - and even worse to her kids. Why on earth are her kids being made to subsidise this man???