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AIBU?

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Original poster

Being wierd about DD having Barbie dolls

161 replies

happysunshinedays · 25/07/2010 20:45

She's 4 and going to big school in September. On the last day of Preschool she had a wobble that night and said the other children wouldn't play with her. She's got loads of good friends out of school and generally very social, lovely girl.

Then she told me that other (seemingly very popular girls) in her class love Barbie. Have also heard about High School Musical as being a Preschool trend.

I don't want her to be the odd-bod in the class obviously, but saw some Barbies for sale today and couldn't bring myself to buy them! All boobs and legs!

Trying to find the line between her natural desire to fit in and encouraging her to grow up too quickly.

Any words of wisdom??

OP posts:
catsdontscreetch · 26/07/2010 22:18

My dd is nearly 6 and we're still almost Barbie-free - she was bought a 3 musketeers barbie, but it was a little girl one rather than the all legs & boobs version.

I must admit I never had one, and I think they are awful. I'm holding out for as long as possible.

She's slightly interested in HSM, but hasn't asked for anything so I'm not volunteering. She's more into lions and dinosaurs!

Strix · 26/07/2010 22:26

I'd like my girl to dream about bigger things than hair and clothes. Barbie is all about her looks and nothing about what she does. There are lots of toys out there which send a better message. This is not about PC, it is about child psychology, which I think is a pretty valid concept.

For example, I like Dora because SHE is the explorer. She does something interesting. And it's not just about looking pretty.

I also like Plly pockets for reasons previously mentioned.

My little Pony is good because DD likes the girls frill stuff, and I can tolerate because it's a horse and not a human role model.

She also likes thinking games like draughts or connect four. She is 7 now. But, when she was 4 she also liked some of the "by" toys like Thomas.

I just wish they would make a pink meccano because she likes them too. WE bought one for DS for Christmas and she stole it and put it together.

LouAnnVanHouten · 26/07/2010 22:35

"Barbie is all about her looks and nothing about what she does"

What about teacher barbie or vet barbie or doctor barbie. There have been plenty of career women barbies over the years. Besides which you are supposed to make up stories about them and play with them. My barbies did all sorts of adventurous stuff. We play soldier games, caveman games, tudor England games, ancient Egypt games, hospitals, schools, dog shows, camping, all sorts of stuff. Being blonde with enormous tits does not mean you have to be an uneducated shallow moron. Pretty girls can be clever and interesting too. Honest.

scanty · 26/07/2010 22:40

why does it have to be pink meccano? Why can't girls have leggo, meccano etc and a Barbie (though still say Sindy is classier). I wanted a garage, a hornby train set, loved leggo and meccano but still loved my Sindy (only had one back then , not loads) and Girls World. Actually my Sindy was just a tool for using my imagination and she went on all kinds of crazy adventures - great for role playing and creativity. Used to do the same with my Girls World and toted her head about from one adventure to another - totally irrelevant that she had no body!

pigletmania · 26/07/2010 22:45

Just give her it, whats the harm! My dd 3.4 got a Barbie for Christmas when she was nearly 2, and it got its clothes taken off and was chucked in the toy box. I think that sometimes we are looking at it from adult eyes. To dd Barbie was a nice Princess with a pretty dress, not a feminists nightmare.

pigletmania · 26/07/2010 22:49

And no dd still has her innocence, is a tomboy who loves rough and tumble, not make up and sexy clothes and has no desire to know where babies come from. Some of you are reading too much into it. As others have said there are different types of Barbie, not just the one which is skimpily dresses.

SE13Mummy · 26/07/2010 22:58

I don't think you need to buy your DD a Barbie to avoid her feeling left out in Reception (I'm assuming that's what you mean by 'big school'). My DD has just finished Reception and has survived without owning a Barbie or anything remotely Barbie-like. Her closest friends don't have Barbies either - they are all the eldest child in their families though so I wonder if that has something to do with it?

Your DD is worried about fitting in; if she had a Barbie she'd probably find something else to worry about e.g. different shoes/hairclips/scooter etc. It's natural that she'll want to fit in but unless the school encourages some kind of weird 'bring your Barbie to school day' then all the children will play with what's available to them in the classroom/outdoor area.

At the school I teach at both boys and girls dress up as princesses/ride scooters and bikes/hula hoop/skip/run around madly/play teachers/play mums & dads/climb on the climbing frames/paint/do puzzles/use construction toys/play with Lego...the list is endless. I've never seen any Barbie-doll play but I have seen hula-hooping boy princesses!

If it wasn't a Barbie your DD felt she needed to help her fit in would you buy it? In our home we don't tend to buy toys just because our 5-year-old has announced that she needs one. If my DD was interested in Barbie then we'd encourage her to put it on her birthday list (which isn't until December) and leave it at that. I think most 5-year-olds see toys as toys unless we make a big thing of what they represent. My DD was invited to a princesses and superheroes party and was determined to go as a superhero because, "princesses just look pretty, they don't actually do anything fun by themselves. Superheroes can save people and have adventures. My superpower is going to be being a good friend and being polite". She went as Violet (from the Incredibles) and was the only girl not in a princess outfit - she's worn it to school, church, the park and the shops since so I doubt owning a Barbie would affect her too terribly!

pigletmania · 26/07/2010 23:02

Buy a Barbie if that's what your daughter really wants, but not if its to fit in.

Strix · 27/07/2010 09:24

Lou, she can doo all those things with dolls which are not anorexic whit hhuge boobs. We have loads of girly things, just not a Barbie. I'm sure there are toys of which you do not approve and I gladly let into my house. We all make our choices. And a childhood free of Barbie is not know to cause any long term developmental damage as far as I know.

As for Meccano being pink, that is just so DD would like it more. I'm not particularly fond of pink. But she is. She has a pink violin for the same reason... I want her to like it.

flibbertigibbert · 27/07/2010 09:32

I wasn't allowed a Barbie because of my very feminist mother. I remember asking for a nurse's uniform for my birthday once and being told I couldn't have it, but I could have a doctor's kit instead. Of course, banning such things only made them more attractive, whereas if I had been allowed a Barbie I probably would've got fed up with it pretty quickly.

As long as your DD has a wide range of toys, I don't see the problem with a Barbie.

LouAnnVanHouten · 27/07/2010 09:54

Why on earth do you think that I disapprove of the toys in your house?

I just hate the implication that because barbie is thin she must be anorexic, because she is blonde (often) she must be shallow, because she is heavily norked she must be stupid. It insults me as a thin blonde busty woman. There is nothing wrong with boobs and legs (I haven't got much in the way of legs but barbie having better legs than me is not a traumatic experience). It is shallow to judge barbie on her looks alone. She is out of proportion but she is a doll for a child. Children know that toys aren't scale models and are pretty bad at perspective anyway as their drawings will demonstrate. Barbie can be whatever you want her to be and to say she can't because she has breasts is not a good message imo.

mumbar · 27/07/2010 10:03

yeah I seriosly do not think dcs see barbies as we do. Went to a friends house the other week to play in there new pool and there were about 10 barbies all naked swimming in it - dcs are 4 and 6 and my ds 5 - they all swam the barbies around but they didn't once mention boobs bum or lack of clothes and happilly flung them out of the pool when they wanted to swim

slushy · 27/07/2010 11:20

I agree with LouAnnVanHouten I am thin with big boobs and blonde, shock, horror, I find it quite insulting also that people think they can only do looks and are shallow.

Also as I said earlier don't you think the media advertises enough un ironing board women. There is loads of hype about obesity and only one single model that is modeled on a skinny curvy woman.

I agree I had a big barbie house and loads of barbie and Cindy and Disney princess dolls as a child I loved them I learnt to seamstress by making clothes for my dolls. I also got really creative making doll houses out of old bookcases and collecting off cuts of carpet, I made a three story doll house once and my dad fitted a working lift for me . They are great IMO because you can use them to influence any thing you want, Student, Doctor, Astronaut and you don't have to have a particular doll for this any doll will do.

Strix · 27/07/2010 14:24

Oh my goodness... you are taking this way too personally, Lou. This thread is not about you , it is about a doll. However, if you have trouble differentiating between the two (and you obviously do) how can you expect a 3 year to know the difference?

slushy · 27/07/2010 14:27

Well I am aware it is a doll but can you tell me exactly what is wrong with a doll being busty, thin, tall (but it is okay if she has no breasts, my god no wonder I was bullied in school what with all the hatred of breasts) and having careers like teacher, doctor.

moragbellingham · 27/07/2010 15:20

belle - is that really your sindy collection?

Strix · 27/07/2010 15:22

There is way too much pressure already in our society on looks and not brains and accomplishments for girls. Barbie reinforces that image. I don't like it.

I do think appearance matters in life. But, I want DD to know that other things, like what you do with your life, matters too.

And there are so many messages about looking pretty, that there is no chance she will miss them if she doesn't have a Barbie.

slushy · 27/07/2010 15:29

But none about big breasts not meaning you are fat and which nearly caused me to be anorexic.

MandyMcFly · 27/07/2010 15:29

Strix this is ridiculous...you have an issue with Barbie because she is 'pretty'. Well, you can now get barbie's with all different coloured hair and things. And also, as somebody else pointed out, there are all kinds of career barbies, college barbies, all kinds of different activities. It is you with the issue because of how the doll looks, you are passing on your own insecurities and disbeliefs to your child. And it is horribly bitchy and immature to call her anorexic because she is skinny, how juvenile is that? If you call every woman with a small waist anorexic, it will be you who gives your daughter a warped idea about body shape, not the bloody doll.

LouAnnVanHouten · 27/07/2010 15:32

I am aware she is a doll. I don't obviously have trouble differentiating between dolls and people. I obviously have trouble seeing the causal link between having breasts and not being able to have a career or do anything fun. You obviously have difficulty seeing past mysoginist stereotyping of women, which frankly, as it affects me, I am allowed to take personally.

MandyMcFly · 27/07/2010 15:35

I agree with everything you just said lou, I have EE boobs, but a size 10, and have long blonde hair. So I too find this a bit insulting.

slushy · 27/07/2010 15:35

Also barbie is not just pretty she can have a career but you are to narrow minded to see past her looks just like a few male chauvinistic pigs I know too when ever they see me working with my big breasts they seem unable to fathom I am intelligent and there to work.

RenfrewMum · 27/07/2010 16:26

Wouldn't life be easier if females were more like males i.e. only interested in kicking a football about; not even aware of issues of body confidence; ignorant of the possibility that certain careers might not be open to us; blind to jobs that need done round the house; deaf to other parents' opinions

I'm coming back as a man. Life must be sooo much simpler!

Strix · 27/07/2010 16:39

You guys associate your own self image way too much with that of Barbie. I think that is a bit... well... odd.

Yet, in the same conversation you claim it is just a doll with which small children will not identify. Of course they will. Just like you have.

And to call me a mysognist says more about your lack of reasoning skills than my attitudes towards women.

BonzoDoodah · 27/07/2010 16:39

Good grief talk about taking things personally. What is it with some of you who think that just because you are thin and blonde with boobs it makes Barbies an okay thing? It's not about you and your adult body image it is about a growing, young child and their image and projections. As this article shows it is not just that she is thin but that she is stupidly thin and misproportioned- you say you are thin - 28inch waist? So do you have 37 inch bust and are 7 feet 6 tall???

I was pondering the whole Barbie thing a week or so ago. My DD found a small girl doll in a charity shop and it has been her best friend ever since. It got me thinkin that this doll has the same proportions as her and she is projecting onto it her play ideas. I then thought about Barbie dolls and their kind and was a bit dismayed to think of my not-quite-three-year old playing with something so obviously adult and over sexualised. Some of you are saying that the shape of the doll has no effect on the way it is played with. Well I can see you are wrong already - my DD (who is yes, only 2)plays with a baby doll in a certain way, this girl doll in a differenct way and adult lego and playmobile dolls in another way. So it is simply crap that the doll's shape has no effect on her imagination.