TO THINK MY FRIEND WAS BANG OUT OF ORDER?

[TheLadyEvenstar]

This took place a few minutes ago. and I have to admit to finally telling this so called friend what I thought of her opinion.

TLES[21:55]: DS2 not well had him settled so DS1 has laid on him tickling him woke him up and is now jumping round room
TLES[21:56]: ffs
FlamingRoyal [21:56]: ok, that's normal
TLES[21:56]: how is it fucking normal to wake a child who is ill up ffs
FlamingRoyal [21:56]: not thinking
FlamingRoyal [21:57]: wants to play etc
TLES [21:57]: oh he is thinking
FlamingRoyal [21:57]: i was reading a thing in the Mail today
TLES[21:58]:DS1 has deliberately woke DS2 up and has then jumped around making a load of noise even though DP is in bed asleep as he starts work at 3
TLES[21:58]: and DS2 is wheezing because he has a chest infection
FlamingRoyal [21:59]: about kids diagnosed with 'special needs' and they say that most of it is for the benefit of schools in league tables
FlamingRoyal [21:59]: had he got antibiotics?
TLES [21:59]: got appt tomoz
FlamingRoyal [22:00]: they will give him Augmentin
TLES [22:00]: erythomycin is what they normally give him
FlamingRoyal [22:01]: ok, augmentin is a broad-spectrum penicillin, it is normally prescribed to kids.
TLES [22:01]: oh ok
FlamingRoyal [22:01]: read the Mail online
FlamingRoyal [22:02]: mentions medicalizing what is or can be normal behaviour - this is specifically for under 5s though
TLES[22:03]: yeah under 5
FlamingRoyal [22:03]: e.g. getting up and running around the room diagnnosed as autism
FlamingRoyal [22:03]: or OCD
FlamingRoyal [22:04]: but it also specifically mentions ODD and behaviour disorder
TLES [22:04]: not 12 and still throwing tantrums having screaming fits playing with knives self harming
FlamingRoyal [22:04]: no,it didn't mention post-primary school
FlamingRoyal [22:05]: but i did find it an interesting read
TLES [22:05]: yes i am sure
TLES [22:06]: unfortunatly when u live with it it becomes more tiring than interesting
FlamingRoyal [22:06]: i am not belittling you or your experiences
FlamingRoyal [22:07]: the article mentioned that much was down to lack of discipline
FlamingRoyal [22:07]: i cannot say if it's right or wrong
TLES[22:08]: sorry but DS1 has been disciplined since he was old enough to be he is just naughty and unless you live with it day in day out there is noway you can have a genuine opinion that actually has much standing tbh
FlamingRoyal [22:09]: it's not me saying it. It was an article in the Mail
TLES [22:09]: i didn't mean you!!!!
TLES [22:10]: i meant in general
TLES [22:10]: these reporters are quick to say these things but in reality wouldnt know what to do if faced with a child like DS1
FlamingRoyal [22:12]: it did say one thing that i've said though, which was medicalizing a naughty child - sheer coincidence but i read it noticing that. I do realize it was referring to younger children
TLES [22:12]: Yeah there is naughty and naughty though
TLES [22:13]: Naughty to me is being cheeky having strops etc
FlamingRoyal [22:13]: yes i agree
TLES [22:13]: not playing with knives, stealing attacking parents and younger siblings
FlamingRoyal [22:14]: TLES but you're the adult. YOU have the power to stop that

TLES [22:26]: you wouldn't believe the things going on atm
TLES[22:26]: really u wouldn't
FlamingRoyal [22:27]: well tell me
TLES[22:32]: DS1 just doesnt seem to care Annie
TLES[22:32]: there is so much going on
FlamingRoyal [22:33]: you have to take control
TLES [22:33]: meetings with school
TLES[22:33]: cmahs
TLES [22:33]: camhs
TLES [22:33]: early intervention team
FlamingRoyal [22:33]: you do realize what this is all about,don't you?
TLES [22:34]: you tell me
FlamingRoyal [22:34]: it's about breaking up your family
TLES [22:34]: don't talk crap
FlamingRoyal [22:34]: i mean it
TLES [22:34]: why would they want to do that?
FlamingRoyal [22:34]: because that is what they do
FlamingRoyal [22:36]: you are only seeing one side of the story
TLES [22:36]: Annie for months I have read what you have written about this situation I have let it get to me in the past but to be totally honest you are talking shit, you know nothing of the situation at all, they are trying to get DS1 to behave, social services are not involved much just child counsellors and psychologists. SS don't just take kids away for no reason only if they are mistreated, abused, neglected etc and my sons are not. if you do not like the way I talk about DS1 behaviour or parent then you don't need
FlamingRoyal [22:36]: you think they see DS1 as a disruptive, difficult child, and yes they do
TLES [22:36]: to have fuck all to do with us anymore
FlamingRoyal [22:37]: At the same time, they see YOU as a parent who cannot cope .
TLES [22:38]: NO THEY SEE ME AS A PARENT WHO HAS HAD CONCERNS ABOUT HER SONS BEHAVIOUR SINCE HE WAS 4 1/2 YRS OLD AND HAS BEEN ASKING FOR FUCKING HELP SINCE THEN.

AIBU to think she was out of order when she asked how things were going with the network of help etc?

Like i really need the stress and worry that they are trying to split my family up

and then i wonder why i am stressed with friends like that ffs.

She then followed it up with an email containing this comment....

And I'd be VERY wary of "intervention teams" who, by the nature of their very bogus title, disempower YOU.

I think communicating with her is toxic for you. She sounds a bit mad really.

Ummmm...don't really get the details here, but to answer your question YANBU as she has been particularly unsupportive and I would say unhelpful?

Fear. I just didn't want to put part of the conversation as I didn't want to be drip feeding the whole convo.

Am so peed off. She asked me how things were I explained and then she tells me that I am going to have my family split up.

I so need that don't I? when I am trying to hold myself together and stay strong when really i feel like crying

Ignore her, move her along. You the mum in your family and therefore you know whats right. I get so pissed off with people passing judgement or 'offering advice' thats not asked for. Sounds like you needed a rant and she needed to tell you what to do.

Nelson Mandela once said "The worst advice is unsolicited advice, wait until you're asked, and then you'll be listened to". He was talking about raising teenagers, but I think it stands for everything so I try and live by it. Which is why I enjoy posting in AIBU because I feel I have been asked and therfore can put my twopenneth in!

Sounds like you're up against hell fires right now, surround yourself with people that make you feel brilliant.

wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't coming from an alcoholic cheater i suppose!

Fear, she seems to think that SN are made up, and that very few children are genuinely correctly diagnosed

how does she know about this disempowerment she talks about, and splitting of up family?
has she read a judgey article.
i spose she believes this, don't stress it.
i spect she is always tactless like this, and thinks she is being helpful

I ignore any opinions mentioned in the same breath as "I read an article in The Mail today".

She sounds like a less than friendly friend.

If your DS1 is hyper and DS2 is ill-how on earth have you got time to twitter about the whole issue?

because DS2 is asleep now and DS1 has finally gone to bed with lots of me ignoring him.

Bit uncalled for Silver

Having read it I think you are overreacting because you are understandably hyper sensitive with this topic. I genuinely think she wants you to be careful but it is not easy to convey that sympathetically over MSN or text. If she ad said it to you face to face then her tone, facial expressions and gestures could may have showed you a different side.

YABVU to display the contents of a personal message online so if you really want to disassociate yourself with her you've certainly done that!

She is an older woman and thinks anything "modern" and "new" is make believe basically.

Then if she is of an older generation she cannot be bang out of order. To be bang out of order you genuinely need to be malicious on purpose.

yet, a few months ago she slated me for having asked camhs for help and started telling me how asking for help was basically giving up my rights to be a parent and giving them the opportunity to take my ds away from me.

YAI when I say older she is on her 50's

i would ignore her if i were you.
do you have to confide in her?

Slarty no, it was just a convo and then ds1 woke ds2 up and i spoke to her about it iyswim? just in passing it started

What do you want from her? To just stroke your ego and tell you that everything you do is perfect and involving these people will be fine? That wouldn't be a friend - she seems concerned even if a bit mislead or not fully understanding the situation. Maybe you are a bit defensive and view everything that contradicts you as being judgemental and "slating".

YAI is telling me that a team of people who are working with DS1 are actually trying to take over from me and want to split the family up not a reason for me to get defensive?

That is who she had an issue with early intervention team - in place to prevent ds1 getting involved with crime.

and tbh i didn't want anything from her maybe a shoulder which i thought friends offered when times were hard.

Of course i got defensive she was telling me my children were going to be taken away from me.

i spose she is trying to be helpful. just like mn. ignore what you dont want to hear and make your own decision - tis the only way. you know that. humour her, dont waste your breath/time argueing with her.

Avoid, Avoid, Avoid. She is not helping you or being neutral she is hindering you.

You do incredibly well with your childen. Just keep going..........

You need a glass of wine and chill. No one is as stressed or could possibly understand what life is like for you and as such comments that seem perfectly reasonable are highly offensive to you. Try and see it from the other side. She wasn't judging you, just worried. Why can't you accept that?