TO THINK MY FRIEND WAS BANG OUT OF ORDER?

[TheLadyEvenstar]

This took place a few minutes ago. and I have to admit to finally telling this so called friend what I thought of her opinion.

TLES[21:55]: DS2 not well had him settled so DS1 has laid on him tickling him woke him up and is now jumping round room
TLES[21:56]: ffs
FlamingRoyal [21:56]: ok, that's normal
TLES[21:56]: how is it fucking normal to wake a child who is ill up ffs
FlamingRoyal [21:56]: not thinking
FlamingRoyal [21:57]: wants to play etc
TLES [21:57]: oh he is thinking
FlamingRoyal [21:57]: i was reading a thing in the Mail today
TLES[21:58]:DS1 has deliberately woke DS2 up and has then jumped around making a load of noise even though DP is in bed asleep as he starts work at 3
TLES[21:58]: and DS2 is wheezing because he has a chest infection
FlamingRoyal [21:59]: about kids diagnosed with 'special needs' and they say that most of it is for the benefit of schools in league tables
FlamingRoyal [21:59]: had he got antibiotics?
TLES [21:59]: got appt tomoz
FlamingRoyal [22:00]: they will give him Augmentin
TLES [22:00]: erythomycin is what they normally give him
FlamingRoyal [22:01]: ok, augmentin is a broad-spectrum penicillin, it is normally prescribed to kids.
TLES [22:01]: oh ok
FlamingRoyal [22:01]: read the Mail online
FlamingRoyal [22:02]: mentions medicalizing what is or can be normal behaviour - this is specifically for under 5s though
TLES[22:03]: yeah under 5
FlamingRoyal [22:03]: e.g. getting up and running around the room diagnnosed as autism
FlamingRoyal [22:03]: or OCD
FlamingRoyal [22:04]: but it also specifically mentions ODD and behaviour disorder
TLES [22:04]: not 12 and still throwing tantrums having screaming fits playing with knives self harming
FlamingRoyal [22:04]: no,it didn't mention post-primary school
FlamingRoyal [22:05]: but i did find it an interesting read
TLES [22:05]: yes i am sure
TLES [22:06]: unfortunatly when u live with it it becomes more tiring than interesting
FlamingRoyal [22:06]: i am not belittling you or your experiences
FlamingRoyal [22:07]: the article mentioned that much was down to lack of discipline
FlamingRoyal [22:07]: i cannot say if it's right or wrong
TLES[22:08]: sorry but DS1 has been disciplined since he was old enough to be he is just naughty and unless you live with it day in day out there is noway you can have a genuine opinion that actually has much standing tbh
FlamingRoyal [22:09]: it's not me saying it. It was an article in the Mail
TLES [22:09]: i didn't mean you!!!!
TLES [22:10]: i meant in general
TLES [22:10]: these reporters are quick to say these things but in reality wouldnt know what to do if faced with a child like DS1
FlamingRoyal [22:12]: it did say one thing that i've said though, which was medicalizing a naughty child - sheer coincidence but i read it noticing that. I do realize it was referring to younger children
TLES [22:12]: Yeah there is naughty and naughty though
TLES [22:13]: Naughty to me is being cheeky having strops etc
FlamingRoyal [22:13]: yes i agree
TLES [22:13]: not playing with knives, stealing attacking parents and younger siblings
FlamingRoyal [22:14]: TLES but you're the adult. YOU have the power to stop that

TLES [22:26]: you wouldn't believe the things going on atm
TLES[22:26]: really u wouldn't
FlamingRoyal [22:27]: well tell me
TLES[22:32]: DS1 just doesnt seem to care Annie
TLES[22:32]: there is so much going on
FlamingRoyal [22:33]: you have to take control
TLES [22:33]: meetings with school
TLES[22:33]: cmahs
TLES [22:33]: camhs
TLES [22:33]: early intervention team
FlamingRoyal [22:33]: you do realize what this is all about,don't you?
TLES [22:34]: you tell me
FlamingRoyal [22:34]: it's about breaking up your family
TLES [22:34]: don't talk crap
FlamingRoyal [22:34]: i mean it
TLES [22:34]: why would they want to do that?
FlamingRoyal [22:34]: because that is what they do
FlamingRoyal [22:36]: you are only seeing one side of the story
TLES [22:36]: Annie for months I have read what you have written about this situation I have let it get to me in the past but to be totally honest you are talking shit, you know nothing of the situation at all, they are trying to get DS1 to behave, social services are not involved much just child counsellors and psychologists. SS don't just take kids away for no reason only if they are mistreated, abused, neglected etc and my sons are not. if you do not like the way I talk about DS1 behaviour or parent then you don't need
FlamingRoyal [22:36]: you think they see DS1 as a disruptive, difficult child, and yes they do
TLES [22:36]: to have fuck all to do with us anymore
FlamingRoyal [22:37]: At the same time, they see YOU as a parent who cannot cope .
TLES [22:38]: NO THEY SEE ME AS A PARENT WHO HAS HAD CONCERNS ABOUT HER SONS BEHAVIOUR SINCE HE WAS 4 1/2 YRS OLD AND HAS BEEN ASKING FOR FUCKING HELP SINCE THEN.

AIBU to think she was out of order when she asked how things were going with the network of help etc?

Like i really need the stress and worry that they are trying to split my family up

and then i wonder why i am stressed with friends like that ffs.

...it was a good point...

Oh and if he thinks something he has to tell me. Wants to watch aeroplanes on the TV all day and just causes me constant stress. Now I'm off to have a glass of wine!

I will unblock her in the morning when I am in a better frame of mind and she is at work lol....

joke of it is she sits there all high and mighty telling how her dd's were so well behaved and then in the next breath tells me how she allowed her dd to have sex in her home at 14 and how she was getting letters from police about her at 13 for underage drinking

lol

swap you the aeroplanes for the horses ds2 (2yrs) is obsessed with atm lol oh and pippin the dog and itng and waybuloos and steptoe and son

FWIW, one of my rellys had problems and concerns about her child from the outset, small things to start with, she wasn't believed until her dc started school, the still don't have a full diagnosis and the dc is 34. I know how hard it was for her to not be believed, understood and to be told it was her lax parenting adding to the problem and her dc could be taken away. Utter bollox if you'll excuse the phrase, other people didn't have a clue how to deal with her dc, opinionated, yes, right, no.

Good plan, let her know your a bit miffed but don't let it go on too long. To be fair (hmm why should you?) she hasn't been in your situation so she isn't going to understand. When you tell it, it's not the same as living it.

sorry, makes me cross knowing what she went through and 30 yrs later people still haven't got "it" iykwim?

Thanks for making me see sense ladies.

I am first in line to admit i have screwed up in the past and given in to ds on occassion for an easier or rather quiet life.
And yes typing it online is not going to show people how it is and on the whole i come across as someone who is not always strong enough to cope when actually I can cope and have been for 8yrs now since he was 4 and he will be 12 in a few days.

TW1nky its ok i do understand.

tw1nkley - some people just never will. Sad fact.

You are doing fine LES, if anyone says otherwise invite them to come and do it better. I've had the same S**T over the years, people thinking it's my parenting (and to be honest some of the time it might be!) when ds actually has ASD. And then on the other hand - friends don't see a lot of the behind the scenes stuff and say 'he doesn't seem that bad' but then they don't see when he loses it and hits out/smashes things etc.

Mrs, thats exactly it!!! he is on his best behaviour when we see them or vice versa but as soon as there is something he doesn't like he will have a meltdown.

He is being assessed for ASD atm we have a dx of ODD -oppositional defiance disorder and CD - conduct disorder

It's really hard to explain and I'm not doing it well, I guess that's why it's hard for people to understand.

I know what you mean, we had huge problems this morning with ds - DH and I ended up having huge row and everything - and then he went to school and was a complete angel! You kind of have to realise you are in a different place from your friend, but (IMO) you can't start casting these friends off because in all other respects they are still your friends. From my own experience they gradually start to get used to things, especially if you get a diagnosis, and sooner or later are casting their own aspersions on judgy folk!

I thought DP and I were the only ones who argued when there were probs!!!

Nah! DH was very despondent this morning after not being able to sort out DS and I told him to pull himself together or bog off, I have to admit I panicked a bit as he got some clothes together - before I realised he was just going to have a shower! We argue because we are both winging it, 'experts' can bang on about what you should do but they aren't in situations where very strong children are trying to kick you in the head (my ds not yours).

hehe @ telling him to bog off. this is why dp and I don't live together anymore but we are working on it!!

Thats the thing i find as well the experts can give advice but not every one is the same.

Plus, when you're in the firing line you don't have time to think 'what would the Occupational Therapist do now...' - that way lies a kick in the head! Then we have to factor in the complaining neighbours...argh!

oh lets not go there!!

hmmm, best not - happy place, happy place, happy place...

Good luck with your friend - don't right her off, don't reckon she's all bad!

yes happy place

have unblocked her now so she will know when i am online.

I'm glad you unblocked her(if you block her every time she screws up it might start sinking in!). My mum is DS' best buddy but even she is capable of the odd 'Daily Mail suggestion' (chelation/medication/blah blah blah) so just goes to show!

i wish the DM would live and report on the realworld

I sometimes think about writing it all down, but I think it would be way too depressing and there would still be folks that didn't understand so why bother! (Plus written down 'blow by blow' it would sound bloody awful and yet ds isn't bloody awful, he's lovely!) I'm going to stop now before I get mopey!

She's said about 'breaking up your family' TLES, As if YOU have something to be blamed for.

OK so a breakup can impact a child's behaviour, but it sounds like this behaviour precedes the family breakup.

Plus I think if it were as 'simple' as that, the mhs people would have picked up on it.

For me the most telling thing about that exchange IS her comment about breaking up your family... No real friend would actually say that, actually put that in those words.

OK so my own dad is not gifted in tact and diplomacy he told me that DS problems holding on to his poos till he couldn't do so anymore and messed himself rather than use the loo was 'Him punishing me' I soon set that straight with the comments I'd been told by the HV, school teachers etc etc. But had I not had that info to hand I'd have given him credence....

TLES, you come across as a super friendly open person... and sadly you will 'collect' loons along the way... Hold back a little, review how people treat you more often, and prune them out of your life if they show any of the idiotic behaviour your 'mate' above has.

I have very few friends, but the one or 2 I do have are wonderful true friends. Quality over quantity every time.