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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed that DH's work teambuilding event includes an overnight stay?

93 replies

Mobby · 21/07/2010 07:23

He's at work enough already! Long hours, contactable 24/7 thanks to lovely modern technology.

I think its selfish of his work to expect everyone to attend a work jolly that involves 2 days and an overnight stay - its over the weekend too.

I'm not going to stop him going, he's looking forward to it.

Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed about this?

OP posts:

Original poster

Mobby · 21/07/2010 07:24

And just to add, I'm a SAHM but until 5 years ago worked for a big corporate. We never had anything like this. Is this type of event the norm these days? I need some perspective.

OP posts:

Chil1234 · 21/07/2010 07:40

They're normal in a lot of organisations - depends on the type of company, what business they're in and the management ethos. Climbing the greasy pole in many companies means it's important to participate fully in the social side, get your face known as being 'a contributor' and all of that. It's normal to be annoyed that you're stuck childminding whilst he's out enjoying himself... but that's life....

missjellycat · 21/07/2010 07:41

YABU. It's your DH's job, he works hard, it's one night away. He's looking forward to it, why would you even consider stopping him or making him feel guilty? You don't mention any specific reason why you want or need him at home, so without any actual reason, it comes across as petty and controlling. If you don't allow him to go out on his own unless it's a compulsory work jolly there's something wrong in paradise IMO. My DH is often away for a full weekend at a time with work, I'm sometimes upset but never annoyed, and I want him to enjoy the time of course!

Original poster

Mobby · 21/07/2010 08:01

Chil - thanks. Hearing that its quite normal helps me get perspective on whether or not to be annoyed at his employers!

missjellycat - I've got no intention of stopping him or making him feel guilty. The question wasn't about whether or not to allow him, it was about whether or not I should be annoyed (and not with him, with his work). I didn't realise that's how my post came across.
And FWIW I'm quite used to him going away for work, he's away right now in fact and will be for the next 10 days.

OP posts:

SonicMiddleAge · 21/07/2010 08:08

Actually I agree with Mobby - weekends are for familiy and (presuming you have mon-fri work) weekends should only be for legititmate work reasons. If the team building is important enough for the company, it should be done on company time.

cumbria81 · 21/07/2010 08:09

YABU. it's just one weekend. He will have fun. You should be pleased for him.

BeattieBow · 21/07/2010 08:11

yabu unfortunately. It is fairly standard to have overnight teambuilding type events. I have 2 a year, my dh has one too.

Eve · 21/07/2010 08:12

I sort of with Mobby... if work already involves a lot of travel and being away from home, why have an event that needs more time away from home.

I work for a big corporate where we need people to travel a lot.. we would never consider asking people to be away for a social event.

Work are being unreasonable and not very thoughtful.

comixminx · 21/07/2010 08:13

I think it's annoying they have chosen to have the work do over the weekend - we do have that sort of thing happen reasonably often but they would be during the week (probably over a Thursday night so that people then finish in good time for the weekend). Having it over a weekend is a little unreasonable of the workplace, but having one at all is not at all unreasonable - it works well in our planning or team away days.

Lonnie · 21/07/2010 08:15

Depends on what he does mh DH regular is away for a overnight stay once went to America for a week and on day 5 phoned to say they want me to stay another week. I said only if one of them takes you out to buy new underwear. he relayed this to on of his female collegues there whom howled with laugther so hard then asked to go on the phone with me and said "I will take him but omg thats just what I would think if it was my dh"

He stayed the extra week in the work he does it would simply not have been possible for him to not.

However I knew this when I married him and 14 years on it is still that way. I quite enjoy the break get the tv to myself the bed for myself and a lazy weekend with the kids

azazello · 21/07/2010 08:21

YANBU to be annoyed with his work (I have been there and have also been annoyed) but it is the sort of thing that a lot of companies think is a brilliant idea and from then on is pretty much compulsory.

I mind DH being away at the weekend a lot less if he is going away and having fun than I do if he's working yet again but I can't (and wouldn't) do anything about it.

anonymousbird · 21/07/2010 08:28

Quite normal, but crappy McCrappy that it is on a weekend. Corporation merely thinking of not losing working days, rather than the fact their employees actually have homes and families to go to... pretty unfair.

My DH has to do this stuff, but it never runs over a weekend.

Mine also travels abroad a lot, but now we have kids he refuses to be away on a Fri/Sat/Sun night unless there is absolutely no other way the trip will work out...

Luckily his company and his clients don't have a problem with it!

NotQuiteCockney · 21/07/2010 08:32

I think this sort of thing is pretty normal, but not over a weekend.

BeenBeta · 21/07/2010 08:34

YANBU - cold never see the point of doing team building events. Waste of time and money.

Not many people would admit it but quite a lot of people on corporate away day or team building eents would prefer to be at home rather than stuck in some hotel.

In my view it is yet another way for corporates to control the lives of ther employees. Most corporates dont care and dont want to know that people have a family life. No doubt the event was organised by someone who was single or who just wants the chance to have a jolly away from his/her family.

waitingforbedtime · 21/07/2010 08:35

Dh regularly has to go away overnight. Id be miffed if it was on a weekend though.

atmywitssend · 21/07/2010 08:48

When I was working that was usual. Didn't see the point a lot of the time but we had no choice in reality.

sapphireblue · 21/07/2010 08:49

I'd be miffed if DH had to have a weekend away with work. He's contracted to work monday to friday so not fair to take a weekend away IMO....especially if there's no paid overtime or time off in lieu. I suppose I wouldn't mind too much if it were a one off, but would definitely not be happy if it became a regular occurrence.

deaddei · 21/07/2010 08:56

YABU.
Thank goodness his company is solvent enough to fund such a thing-many dh's are out of work or facing job cuts.
Do something nice while he's away...involving wine, lunch, shopping!

takethatlady · 21/07/2010 08:59

YABU - everyone deserves a jolly every now and again. My DH is a teacher and he just went to China (great trip but not so much a jolly with 50 16-year-olds in tow) and it spread over two weekends. Wherever you work stuff like this comes up. I'm an academic and I go to weekend conferences 4 or 5 times a year - none of them are compulsory in themselves but it's part of my job to go to a few each year, and I often have a few drinks and enjoy myself while I'm there. I don't see what's wrong with it.

Ladyanonymous · 21/07/2010 09:07

Do you have any single/mum/friends you can invite over for a bottle of wine while hes away?

Can you invite your mum to stay and catch up?

Can you take the kids away to see friends?

Use the time for you.

Original poster

Mobby · 21/07/2010 09:16

Thanks for all the responses. It was my first ever 'am I being unreasonable' and I'm glad I posted.

BeenBeta - you make a very valid point about corporates controlling lives of employees. I think that is the root of my problem. Over the years work time has spread over to personal time. What with blackberry's always buzzing, more on-call hours, regular night-time conference calls speaking to foreign offices. He has been known to work a 70+ hour week which, as much as I support his career, I personally think is just shocking.

Deaddei - oh gosh you are so right. Thank you for pointing that out. I'd much rather this than he be faced with redundancy. A night away is so minor in the scheme of things.

OP posts:

Fluffyone · 21/07/2010 09:24

They are controlling him to a certain extent, but the overnight stay is sure to be a good chance to relax with his work mates and he'll probably have fun. So let him go with a good will.

deaddei · 21/07/2010 09:27

Book a weekend away later in the year with your friends!!!!

BythewayItsStillMe · 21/07/2010 09:36

DH is a soldier, in the last 12 months he's been away on and off for a total of about 9months, then he's off to Afghan in October.
I'd love it if he did 2 day team building trips on a weekend instead of 6months in a war zone.

YABU.

Sorry, but its one weekend.

MumNWLondon · 21/07/2010 09:42

I don't think the overnight stay thing as unreasonable, its the fact that its at the weekend that would annoy me. Is he being paid overtime for it?

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