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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed that DH's work teambuilding event includes an overnight stay?

93 replies

Mobby · 21/07/2010 07:23

He's at work enough already! Long hours, contactable 24/7 thanks to lovely modern technology.

I think its selfish of his work to expect everyone to attend a work jolly that involves 2 days and an overnight stay - its over the weekend too.

I'm not going to stop him going, he's looking forward to it.

Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed about this?

OP posts:
Ronaldinhio · 21/07/2010 09:43

yabu

they are doing it for a reason probably related to the recession and the difficulties they are going through as a business and workforce
they would not be spending money on an overnight of it were not deemed necessary/essential atm

being annoyed with the firm is unreasonable

he can refuse to go though as it isn't compulsory

porcamiseria · 21/07/2010 09:46

YABU its pretty normal these days (even with the c crunch!)

people might say "weekedns are for families" but. ahem, nhot everyone has small children ya know!

do something extra fun instead

skidoodly · 21/07/2010 09:46

YANBU

he's not a soldier and this isn't even work

the recession is not a reason for people who have jobs to be pleased about being exploited.

If the company don't value this teambuilding horseshit enough to do it in company time, then they shouldn't do it at all.

GetOrfMoiLand · 21/07/2010 09:47

YANBU. Weekends are sacrosant.

I travel a lot for work, and used to HATE it when I had to travel to the US and sometimes had to fly on a Sunday. But that was for valid work reasons so was just about acceptable from time to time.

I would have absolutely loathed a 'team building' exercise planned over the weekend, and would have probably wanted to refuse to go. Team building is a waste of damn time - work on building your relationships during the working week fgs./ You don't need to go paint balling on a Saturday to do that.

I work my socks off during the week and am contactable at all times, and do far in excess of my hours. But on Friday night I turn everything off and that is it. My company owns me during the week. My weekends are for myself.

BET it is an American company, btw.

QueenofDreams · 21/07/2010 09:48

I think YANBU. I think too many companies act like they own their employees and ignore that they have lives outside of work. I think it's got worse with the recession as companies know that people will bend over backwards to keep their jobs.

DP spends more time at work than he does with us. The weekends are the only times DS sees him. So I would be annoyed if they did an all weekend do, as I would be left alone looking after the children and not getting a break of any sort.

GetOrfMoiLand · 21/07/2010 09:50

That's not an anti-american statement, btw, I work for a US owned company myself. This is the kind of stunt they would try to pull if they weren't so tight

BeenBeta · 21/07/2010 09:51

Firms organise weekend events deliberately so it does not eat into the working week. Keepsw productivity up - but at the expense of family life and the health of employees.

That way they get a full working week and not have to pay extra for the weekend work.

They also organise client meeting overseas on Monday morning so that the person has to travel on Sunday. Yet another way of cutting into family time.

Mobby - keep an eye on your DH, make sure he keeps perspective. Fine if he enjoys it but it is very important to always have an escape route ready. It sounds like the kind of firm that is constantly demanding more and more commitment while dangling the possibility of pay and promotion which will never quite materialise. Firms like this love people who are dependent on them (especially with a big mortgage) and who just cant say no to any unreasonable demand.

A 70 hour week plus weekends is not a long term proposaition for a decent life. I had that life once, gave it up in the end and dont regret it.

stubbornhubby · 21/07/2010 10:00

I think this is pretty rubbish of the company, and self-defeating.

Very few people want to spend weekends with their co-workers, and many of the participants will resent being co-erced into doing it, and in their own weekend-time as well.

at my firm we are allowed one day a year 'charity-leave' where we can dake a day off to do charitable work. Many teams use this day to all go together and work on a project (I went and repainted a school once, and another year we built a pagoda in a city farm from scratch). THAT is good team building

  • it was worthwhile activity (not silly games)
  • the time commitment was shared - the company gave us the day off, and no one then minded getting their early, and leaving late (after a trip to the pub!)

A weekend away sounds to me like it is planned by a boos who lives-for-his/her-work and has no concept of family life.

so YANBU to resent it.

Original poster
Mobby · 21/07/2010 10:02

GetOrfMoiLand - spot on, its an American company.

BeenBeta - when I worked for a big corporate I was stunned at how many people get sucked into the very long working weeks in order to get ahead in their careers.
Funnily enough, I never did .
He doesn't normally do 70 hour weeks but he works long hours and has been known to do flat stretches of over 24 hours at a time with very little thanks. I don't think this is too unusual in workplaces unfortunately.

OP posts:
supersalstrawberry · 21/07/2010 10:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Mobby · 21/07/2010 10:04

stubbornhubby - I love the idea of a day of charity leave.

OP posts:
GetOrfMoiLand · 21/07/2010 10:11

"They also organise client meeting overseas on Monday morning so that the person has to travel on Sunday. Yet another way of cutting into family time."

Oh yes my old company did that.

I used to have to go to Florida for a day and a half every month - meetings scheduled for Monday and Tuesday mornings, so flew out on a Sunday, and flew back on the Tuesday afternoon, land in UK early Wednesday and back at my desk by lunchtime.

Plus I was not allowed to fly direct so had to route myself via Boston or Atlanta so lots of knackered hanging round airports. And lots of guilt at being away from dd for NO valid or pressing reason.

My mum thought I had a glamorous business life a la Alexis Colby. I used to think 'huh'

BeenBeta · 21/07/2010 10:12

mobby - I just new this was an American company. I suspect consulting or investment banking but it is a prevalent culture in all US firms and sadly UK firms increasingly copied it. Totally unecessary. It reminds me of how cults work. Anyone who dares to say no is ostracised or held up as a bad example to other employees. These firms look for people who are compliant and ruthlessly eliminate those that are not. It really is quite deliberate and hard to resist once inside it.

stubbornhubby - that charity day sounds like a great idea. I bet people genuinley enjoy it too.

callalilies · 21/07/2010 10:13

If it's something that involves 'everyone' or practically everyone attending, if there are clients to attend to it's really only practical to have that kind of thing at a weekend. It's not exactly often either, and if your DH is looking forward to it it's not exactly a case of the employer 'making' people go either.

Annoying, but I think the ongoing encroachment of every day work into the weekend is more of a problem than the odd weekend away.

GetOrfMoiLand · 21/07/2010 10:13

I used to work for GE who are very keen on community charity. Quite a lot of us took a couple of hours off in the week to go into local schools and do reading/do occupational activity in old folk's homes.

I liked that.

BythewayItsStillMe · 21/07/2010 10:14

But the OP already said her DH doesn't mind going and is quite looking forward to it... she doesn't want him to go, he's looking forward to it and again, its one weekend away.

Personally I wouldn't get worked up about it, its not like they're making him go away every weekend.

GetOrfMoiLand · 21/07/2010 10:17

American companies are notorious for hours culture.

When i worked for aerospace companies it was not too bad, but the company I work for now is automotive so the pressure is really on.

My boss works all the hours god sends.

emy72 · 21/07/2010 10:21

I have always worked for large corporates (american and uk ones) and have never had team building events at weekends. Family fun days yes, celebration nights yes, even holiday prizes yes but partners always invited when involving weekends. Team building events always done in the week too.

Doesn't mean it doesn't happen, but it is a bit odd and if it was my DH he wouldn't be choosing to go.

So in my opinion you are not being unreasonable - but if it is a one off then I guess you can put up with it for once. I know I wouldn't be happy though.

Original poster
Mobby · 21/07/2010 10:23

GetOrfMoiLand - he's in London now and flew there Sunday night. But we had a lovely trip to the airport dropping him off - the kids will never tire of a trip to the airport! And when he returns next week its straight to the office from the flight.
So, exactly as you describe your experience.
And yes the company is a very well known company that works closely with banks. You are spot on again.

OP posts:
UnquietDad · 21/07/2010 10:26

The word "teambuilding" fills me with dread and horror - for me it means "pretending to have to get on with people you wouldn't ever choose to spend time with in a million years" - but it is part of his job. I'm afraid you have to put up with it.

Well, that or not accept any of the nice things that come with the job, such as the money and the provision of a SAHM lifestyle for you.

Bonsoir · 21/07/2010 10:30

"My mum thought I had a glamorous business life a la Alexis Colby."

LOL @ GetOrf. I know the feeling!

GetOrfMoiLand · 21/07/2010 10:30

Ouch UQD - that was a bit harsh.

'be grateful woman - know thy place'

expatinscotland · 21/07/2010 10:32

I used to have to go on these team-building junkets, and every one of them was over a weekend (in the US, so you won't need more time off work) and every one of them was a complete waste of time.

Original poster
Mobby · 21/07/2010 10:33

UnquietDad I'm not really sure how to answer that (as my reasons for being a SAHM or how its affordable to us I didn't think were being discussed). I think I'll just return you a .

OP posts:
UnquietDad · 21/07/2010 10:34

Not quite what I said, was it?

Maybe I came across a little harshly, but there is an awful lot of this on here sometimes. I think people who haven't worked for a while start to forget what it is like and think the money just magically appear in the bank.

And it's on my mind as a friend of mine is currently in the doghouse for going abroad for work and missing his daughter's leaving assembly - when he had no choice in the matter.

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