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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed that DH's work teambuilding event includes an overnight stay?

93 replies

Mobby · 21/07/2010 07:23

He's at work enough already! Long hours, contactable 24/7 thanks to lovely modern technology.

I think its selfish of his work to expect everyone to attend a work jolly that involves 2 days and an overnight stay - its over the weekend too.

I'm not going to stop him going, he's looking forward to it.

Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed about this?

OP posts:

BettyisNOTBlu · 21/07/2010 16:44

Yes, it is quite normal imo.

I always hate teambuilding exercises, and dread them, but embarassingly, when I'm actually doing it, whatever it is, I quite often enjoy them. Saddo that I am.

minipie · 21/07/2010 16:45

"no issues with him going away on business. Its part of his job. The teambuilding over a weekend isn't."

Erm, not sure this is true. Unless the teambuilding is optional and he's chosen to go? But usually it's not optional and is very much part of the job - just as much as the work is.

If it's optional, then you should be annoyed at your DH for choosing to go.

If it's not optional, then you should be annoyed at the company for organising it at the weekend... but you will just have to suck it up I'm afraid as it IS part of the job.

ifancyashandy · 21/07/2010 16:55

Gay, really, you think 10 weekends out of 104 weeks is a lot? No judgment but that wouldn't bother me.

But I work (when I blardy can - see other posts!) in an industry where 70+ hours a week are a norm and I often work every weekend for say 3 or 4 months.

Horses for causes though, eh!

stubbornhubby · 21/07/2010 16:57

the problem the company is creating is the mixed message

we think teambuilding is important
so long as you do it in your own time
in other words, um, it's not very important
but you should go anyway.

It's like when they have a christmas party to thank everyone for their hard work and then ask you to pay.

but, yeah, you still have suck it up, even though it's not really part of the job, not in the same way as the things you do from 9-5 are.

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 21/07/2010 16:59

YAB(a little)U - but only because it's at a weekend.

If I was you I think I'd be feeling a bit jealous!

ChippingIn · 21/07/2010 23:47

YANBU

I agree with those that say if it's important - do it in work time, if it's not important enough to temporarily lower the 'work output' for the long term gain of 'work output' - then don't do it. Simple really.

Expecting people to give up a weekend for this crap is unreasonable.

Some people are arguing that it is 'part of the job' and in some ways I can see that, however, it is not necessary to do it at the weekend - it can be done in work hours, unlike other real work which sometimes necessitates working over a weekend or traveling on a weekend (which too should be avoided where at all possible).

I think we should be trying to be more like mainland Europe with out work/life balance - not going the other way.

Freedom2010 - have you actually bothered to read the thread? Clearly not. If you had, you would have seen that her DH is often away on business as he is now.

mumeeee · 21/07/2010 23:56

YABU. It's only for one weekend. Yes this sort of thing is fairly normal.

aurynne · 22/07/2010 00:34

Work-related activities should be done during the week. Otherwise, partners of employees should be given the option to attend too.

And to the person who implied that employees without children don't need family time... well, I don't know about you, but my DP is my family, and my mom and dad are my family, and even if I was single with no kids, my weekend is for MY own enjoyment with whom I choose to spend it with. Which is not doing unpaid work.

If it's absolutely necessary for a company to schedule work-related stuff in a weekend, attending employees should be paid for the overtime.

Remember people, work is the tool for us to get a decent life. Not the other way around. If we are paid for 8 hours a day, why would we volunteer to work for free? Try to make your boss come to work for you for free and check his/her reaction.

mrsspock · 22/07/2010 10:18

it's just 1 w/e away. don't know what he does but more responsibility and more wedge means worse working hours i'm afraid. if it makes you feel better dh has just got back from 7 weeks 'working' at the worldcup. and he only gets 1 day paternity leave grrrr (no 2 dc is due in 2 weeks). bank the credits and go out with your mates for a w/e.

Morloth · 22/07/2010 10:20

I love it when DH is away, I cook something I know he hates and I love. I put the kids to bed early and be alone.

I am convinced the fact that we enjoy our time apart so much is the reason we get on so well after 14 years.

poppy34 · 22/07/2010 10:24

yanbu re it being at a weekend as that is intrusive and the 24/7 thing is annoying ( I tolerate it with my dh but there are times -like when work ring as we are eating etc that it does get a bit and I also work at same organisation).

but yabu about it being overnight/two days as that isnt abnormal (and much as I loathe going on these myself) you do sometimes need that amount of time to get any value out of exercise of bringing team together, communicating etc. and agree that being sahm is tough adn isolating so you should try and get some time out for you as well.

minipie · 22/07/2010 10:33

um yeah Morloth but how much time do you get to spend together?

It's easy to enjoy time apart from your DH when you spend loads of other time together. Less easy when you don't get ti see him most evenings and weekends (as well as weekdays obviously) because of the demands of work. Then a weekend jolly away becomes yeet another time you don't get to see him.

BlingLoving · 22/07/2010 10:34

There's a big culture of working long hours these days, especially in US style firms. I think it's sad, but I don't know that we're going to change it.

I do think it's not a coincidence that a lot of banks and consulting firms don't have that many people over 35 - I think at some point, normally in your early 30s - people tend to take a look at their lives and work out what is most important. Is the work so rewarding/fun/lucrative that you're willing to give up other things like family time, sleep etc for it?

If it is, you carry on but if not, you start to look around and find something else to do - leaving the way open for all those who are happy to keep doing it.

Bankers and consultants who DO make it to the very top will tell you they beat everyone else, but I think a lot of good people choose to take their skills elsewhere, leaving the way open.

Morloth · 22/07/2010 10:39

We are pretty much a weekend couple. He leaves at 7am most mornings and is rarely home before 9pm.

He works a weekend or so a month (but tries to do that from home) and travels for around 6 weeks of the year.

Morloth · 22/07/2010 10:41

It suits us though, when he is here he is here, fully hands on with the kids and we both have respect for the roles we play in the family.

minipie · 22/07/2010 10:51

Ouch Morloth, sounds like you really don't see that much of him then. Got to say, in those circumstances I would really resent an additional weekend being taken away by DH's work for teambuilding. You are clearly a more tolerant person than me!

Morloth · 22/07/2010 10:57

Not tolerant, we actually like it this way.

After a couple of weeks together on holidays or whatever we both climbing the walls. He isn't allowed to retire, I am not sure our marriage could stand it.

It works for us because of the sort of people we are, it works for the DSs because I am here all the time for them and as I said when DH is here he is fully theirs.

One weekend wouldn't be an issue and I have travelled for work and pleasure before without him.

Also, we like the money.

minipie · 22/07/2010 11:03

Fair enough - if it works for you then it works!

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