To want MIL to ring my doorbell when she comes round

[BeatrixRotter]

and not come round the back and let herself in.

She did it twice today and I'd like to knock it on the head. AIBU?

No.

Keep the door locked.

Buy a chain.

lock your doors.

I would lock the back door but they've been open as it is so hot.

Then tell her.

Or get a lock for the back gate.

Get a back gate if you don't have one!

Open the door but only a bit. Then prop something behind it that will be knocked over if the door is opened and make a terrible noise. This will alert you to her arrival and hopefully startle her!

Could you ask her to knock/ring. Why does she have a key? One of my worst nightmares is ils having a key to our home.

Sounds like it could be time to change the locks if she has a key.

Next time she does it, if you know it is her, but haven't actually seen her, start shouting 'robbers, the house has people in and I am speaking to the police about this break in. go away now before they arrive or else...' and scream very loudly. Then make sure when your mil sees you you do have your phone in your hand . and towel on just out of the shower even better...

before she has a chance to say 'oh for goodness sake it's only me', just start to say that she gave you the fright of your life, that you were so scared, didn't know what was happening, lay it on really really thick (am guessing that this won't be too difficult in the circumstances) and that you can't ever go through that again. Therefore, she must never do that again.

Whether you do actually want to ring the police and then have to ring them back to say that it was a false alarm and get them to bollock your MIL on your behalf depends on how well you get on with your MIL in general and want to get on with her in the future and of course how busy your local police are - don't really want to pester them!

good luck...

oh and what does you dh think about her just walking in - does he mind, encourage it, do the same at her house - is it a case of different expectations or does he find it a pain too?

be naked next time she pops over.

Have you told her? If not, tell her!

Next time be totally starkers with a can of squirty cream in one hand and a big vibrator in the other .

I haven't told her but am considering it, as I would hate it if she made a habit of it (today is the first time she has done it). How can I say it? DP might be persuaded to say something but he is useless at standing up to her. I just find it a bit rude. She has walked past the front door and round the side of my house and walked in through open back door. The irony is she keeps up waiting for AGES when we go to her house.

I might get a side gate as I'd like to keep DD in the backgarden at times anyway. I should say something but tbhis would be easy way out.

Vibrator and squirty cream, can you imagine? I'd never see her again.

I agree with Sloany Pony tell her. simply say to her politely "I would prefeer you not to let yourself in please could you knock on the front door.

Does your mum have to ring the doorbell too?

How awkward. I get annoyed that my MIL doesn't ring/text before she pops round but if she let herself in that would really grate. Even my own mum rings before she comes to make sure we are not busy.

I haven't been able to pluck up the courage to say to MIL 'I would prefer it if you rang before you came round' so I sympathise with your situation!

Everyone else rings the bell. It's not a Mum v MIL thing

And that would be bad because....?

I had exactly the same thing with mine. She had key for emergencies & feeding cats when away. Sailed on in like she owned the place, saying 'wouldn't want to disturb you while feeding the baby..'

No? Well, don't keep popping round, then!

Finally solved it by asking DH to ask FIL to ask MIL (are you keeping up?) to knock please before she lets herself in and FIL went MAD saying 'my wife would never just let herself in!' to which DH said well she's been doing it for ages! Stopped right there.

She has a very much open house type policy at her house, which is fine, but I am more private, for example only close friends/family see our bedroom
(but some people frown on gimp masks & whips...)

Do your dh enter his mums house without knocking? I know mines does, shouts hello and walks in anyway. And that's what the inlaws do here in return. You are going to have to say something if you don't like it. Certain families have certain ways and she maybe just doesn't realise that it makes you uncomfortable.