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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to think that most of the good men are taken when you're 30

71 replies

Beethoven · 20/07/2010 15:30

I rather suspect I am being unreasonable. I'm just having a bit of a glum day being 30, and thinking if the good men are out there.

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 20/07/2010 15:32

Nah, you can still catch a few on the bounce from a break up

Ladyanonymous · 20/07/2010 15:32

They are - you just have to look slightly harder

Ladyanonymous · 20/07/2010 15:32

There are sorry

toffeecupcake · 20/07/2010 15:35

where do you find these men, any clues?

Ladyanonymous · 20/07/2010 15:36

Internet

BitOfFun · 20/07/2010 15:39

Just go to stuff. Accept every invitation, take yourself out to interesting places, start a course, walk somebody's dog if you have to.

nickelbabe · 20/07/2010 15:39

there are some about, but you really have to look hard.

my DF is our church organist and spent most of his life alone - he had one tiny relationship with the town's bike, but nothing else.

he just never got out to meet people (worked on his own in contract work and only knew people through church and his parents.)
he's totally not boring, though, since he changed his job 9 years ago, he's got loads of friends etc.

you need to change your social cricles to find one, i think.

SloanyPony · 20/07/2010 15:40

Maybe not all taken, but more likely to have baggage in the form of ex's, kids, etc. This is not always a negative thing, but it can be for some.

Personally, if I were to find myself single though, now that I have kids of my own, I'm not sure I would want a "non father" ... I find fatherhood kinda sexy. I think if its a good man, fatherhood makes them better, if that makes sense.

No, they are never all taken, you have to be in the right place at the right time though...

Thing1Thing2 · 20/07/2010 15:44

Met DH at 39, married at 40, conceived at 41 had DTs at 42.

It's never too late!

Morloth · 20/07/2010 15:48

I think they are around, but as SloanyPony says most have baggage now, the only single men I know 30+ are divorced/out of long term relationships and most have kids.

Lizcat · 20/07/2010 15:50

Didn't meet DH till we were both 30. We meet on the internet and before going out with DH meet several other lovely thirtysomething guys, but just no spark. Dateline all the way.

Thing1Thing2 · 20/07/2010 15:54

You need to ask your girlfriends other halfs to dredge up old friendships / acquaintances from school / work whatever.

And ask them not to filter - you need to decide if they are right for you. And make it clear that you dont hold them responsible for the outcome.

People dont like introducing people because they are afraid of a negative outcome.

And agree to see someone again - blind dates are always difficult and no one is themselves. Meet at least three times before you say "no".

Pootles2010 · 20/07/2010 15:54

Maybe need to be more willing to start up conversations? One of my dp's best friends is so lovely, really quite good looking (had a little teeny tiny crush on him at one point ) but he's just too nice/shy to go up to women in bars, so he's still single. Am always on the lookout for a single friend to hook him up with, but i have none at the mo!

Am in york btw if you're interested

AlaskaNebraska · 20/07/2010 15:57

haha! at 30
cant imagine whats left at 40

emy72 · 20/07/2010 16:02

Yes there are!

I met my DH when I was 29, got married at 31, and went on to have 4 children! (we met at work!!)

So there is always hope!!!

octopusinabox · 20/07/2010 16:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

toffeecupcake · 20/07/2010 16:06

Alaska, thanks, i'm nearer to 40 than 30 so i guess no hope for me then

octopusinabox · 20/07/2010 16:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nickelbabe · 20/07/2010 16:28

they all seem to be shy, if they're still single over 30.

DF is very shy.

EveWasFramed72 · 20/07/2010 16:30

I met my DH at 30, married him at 33, had two DCs by the time I was 35...it's possible!

fingertipsareslipping · 20/07/2010 16:33

You wait till you're 40 love. I'm doomed.

Sorry, Bad place at mo. Will leave

undercovamutha · 20/07/2010 16:35

I'm sure it must be a lot harder to find a 30-something single man, than a 20-something single man, but they are out there.

DH has a circle of mid-thirties friends, and out of about 8 or 10 of them, 3 are still single, no kids.

Morloth · 20/07/2010 16:37

I could rent you mine if you like?

Romilly70 · 20/07/2010 16:42

Depends where you live; in london (& not sure about other big cities,) there are a lot of single men, but I think they think they are god's gift by the time they are 30.

I think after thirty, as a woman you have to be a bit less idealistic about what you are looking for. not all men have had kids by 30, but i would be worried if he hadn't had at least one major relationship by 30 (live-in or divorced.)

FWIW, i met DP at 37, he is divorced with 2 kids, but we are now engaged and am pg with DC1. however, to echo the other, posters, I had to look further afield for him - we met in france.

also, the other thing i have noticed is the older the woman is when she is looking for a mate, usually the more financially secure she is; she then starts to look for a financial equal. this is a big mistake as many otherwise suitable men may earn half as much as you do, but everyone has something to put into the shared pot of a marriage / long term relationship.

it is really important to look at the bigger picture; how well will he look after you in terms of eg cooking meals, diy, emotional support etc, rather than you being second fiddle to his career....

FreakoidOrganisoid · 20/07/2010 16:42

I hope not, I would like to have another relationship. One day.