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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

to look this gift horse in the mouth?

21 replies

porcamiseria · 20/07/2010 09:23

my Mum has offered me her car. Its a really nice one. GREAT!

BUT----its a 2 door car. we have a 2 year old and a baby on the way. I think trying to get 2 little ones in and out of the car is going to be a struggle

The problem is she seems to want me to accept the car "as is", even before I knew it was 2 door I said "do you not want to sell it, and put the money aside until our car dies" and she said no

she is a funny woman and I have a horrible feeling the deal is "take the car, or leave it"

my feeling is that for such a generous gift I want us to be able to enjoy it, and I'd rather use our old banger than struggle with a flashy 2 door car

any advice on how to tactfully handle this?

There is some tension between us in general right now and I dont want to fall out. In parallel I cant beleive that she and my brother think its a good idea for a small family to have a 2 door car! do they think we are so poor and desperate that this is better than nothing??

OP posts:

LadyintheRadiator · 20/07/2010 09:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mowgli1970 · 20/07/2010 09:28

It depends what the car is, but I preferred my 2 door Fiesta when the kids were that little. I could get further into the back seat to do up seat belts (when the front seat was pushed forward) and I was reassured that there was no danger of them opening windows or doors. Why don't you have a trial run? Thank your Mum effusively for a generous gift (which it is really) and say you're a bit concerned about the practicalities but you'll give it a go. She is giving you a car - granted, not the car you want but still. Could you not keep your old car too until it conks out?

FakePlasticTrees · 20/07/2010 09:31

Would she be really annoyed if you say, traded in both your current car and her car to get a new 4 door car?

Rycie · 20/07/2010 09:39

Will you be keeping your old car? Couldn't you take the new car, try it out for a few months and then in a very low-key way tell her that although its been fabulous, you are trading it in.

Original poster

porcamiseria · 20/07/2010 09:42

I think she would be! I think I will do what Mowgli says. I think as I am fucked off with her for other stuff I making this into more of a drama than it needs to be.....

its all a bit too "conditional" too, she wants us to keep this, scrap the old one etc. Its a gift, but very much on "her terms"

god I sound ungrateful

I feel like she is buying me off to make up for lack of practical support

OP posts:

ChippingIn · 20/07/2010 09:45

I really dislike 2 door cars, for many reasons.

If it was my Mum I would just say that we would love a new car, but with the 2 children a 2 door car isn't practical - that you would love to see yours & hers and get a safe, reliable 4 door car if she doesn't mind.

If you know that she will object to this you only have 2 options:

Say, 'Thanks, but no thanks'.

Or be a little devious and take it 'for now' and sell it later on & buy something more suitable - as Rycie said.

LadyintheRadiator · 20/07/2010 10:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BuzzingNoise · 20/07/2010 10:29

I have a 2 door car and it's no problem at all. In fact, I find it easier than a four door because you can actually get in behind the seat in order to do the belt up around the baby seat or child.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 20/07/2010 10:34

Obv. you know your mum, and are best placed to question her motivation. A 2 door car isn't the best, IMO.

OTOH, from your OP it's not clear you told her a 2 door would be tricky. Do you think she might just not want to sell it because it's just easier for her to give it to you rather than have the faff of selling?

I'd do what ChippingIn said

lucky1979 · 20/07/2010 11:55

A 2 door car will almost definitely have less boot space as well. We had to buy a four door for me as we couldn't get the buggy in the back of my little two door, so just keep that in mind if you're thinking of getting a double buggy or even just a single buggy and carting around everything two DC need.

FWIW getting a car seat in and out of the back of the two door wasn't that much of a problem, it was the boot space that was the end for us

Tortington · 20/07/2010 11:59

i had a two door for years.

there really is no struggle. just leave the booter and baby seat fastened in the back and plonk them in.

take her car.

sell yours - keep your money.

then say in a years time - sell hers and buy yourself a more practicle one, tell her that her car died and the exhaust fell off and the cam belt snapped. eg. lie.

but i would seriously want a reliable car with two children - whichever car that maybe.

'struggle'?! this means bending over in the back a bit more than you would usually, it's hardly the trails of hercules.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 20/07/2010 12:01

Good idea Custardo

lol at "trials of hercules"

Original poster

porcamiseria · 20/07/2010 13:08

thanks everyone

I just think if you are going to give me £7,000 car it might at well be one we want !!!

anyway, ungrateful I sound....

but given custard feedback will have a proper look tonight

OP posts:

Chiabom · 20/07/2010 13:32

My advice stands as a quote used by a very wise woman,

"Always look a gift horse in the mouth."

ChippingIn · 20/07/2010 14:38

When I say I find it a hassle, I do. I never say everyone finds it a hassle.... and I am fed up of people implying that my opinion on my life is null & void simply because their opinion is different! (sorry Custy, not aimed at you personally, tis just the final straw )

I am short (barely 5ft):

I find lifting the kids into the back seat of a 2 seater difficult.

I find trying to do the car seats up more difficult.

I find it difficult to reach the seatbelt behind me (long doors mean seat belts are further away.

I find it annoying the doors are longer and in carparks more tricky to open, get the kids in.

I don't want my adult passengers having to clamber into the back of the car - when in a 4 door they can just open the door.

I don't want to have to move my seat forward and rearrange the back of the seat everytime I go out - I would much rather open the other door.

I find 2 door cars a pain in the arse and would never have one (again).

No, maybe not the 'Trials of Hercules' - but a pain in the arse...

rupert22 · 20/07/2010 14:44

Just say thanks, but no thanks.

CarGirl · 20/07/2010 14:49

YOu could have the passenger bag disabled or taken out and put your 2 year old in the front most of the time and put the baby in the back using a car seat that has a base in place, makes it easier!

Again I would take it and trade it in/sell it in 8 months or so, what can she do about it?

Make sure she actually signs it over to you though so it is legally your car IYSWIM

rupert22 · 20/07/2010 14:51

I had a four door when ds was little and it was great. But when he was two i wanted a bit of fun and got a two door sports car and its no bother. I dont use a buggy now so boot space not that important, but i see where you are coming from with the new baby.

Shame though, if its a nice car. Babies are not babies for very long.

kitsmummy · 20/07/2010 15:03

Don't take it and then trade it in, that would be really devious, given that she's made it clear that it's that car or no car. If you don't want it, don't have it.

littleducks · 20/07/2010 15:17

I have a two door and dh has a 4 door. When ds was in the baby seat rear facing it was a bit of a PITA unless babyseat was in the passenger seat.

Now they are both forward facing (high back booster and priori seat) there is more space to do seat belts up and less bending

TBH i would just be grateful for a 7 grand car, they wont be unable to do their own seat belts for long

5Foot5 · 20/07/2010 17:02

Could you not take it and try to get on with it for a while?

Then after a reasonable period of time if you genuinely do find it difficult to manage the children in it you could trade it in and explain to your Mum why.

At least then she can see you have actually used it and found it impractical rather than rejecting it out of hand.

And if it turns out to be OK and not as bad as you feared, then great!

Flip