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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be really fucking pissed off actually

80 replies

Ladyanonymous · 19/07/2010 22:59

I may B U.

OH in Navy - only see each other (most)weekends.

Had nice w/e planned with OH this one just gone as I had no kids and OH went to see some visiting relatives from abroad 300 miles away (who came at short notice). I was unable to go with him as I have students. So spent weekend on my own and saw some friends etc(ended up working). Will see him this weekend for first time in two weeks and will spend weekend with him and my DCs.

School hols this weekend looking forward to weekend without kids weekend after to prepare for holiday and DD's bday and spend some time alone with OH. I have been very unwell the last 6 months and am looking forward to a rest in the hols from full on kids

We are then going away on holiday for a week just the two of us then having one of his DC's (and my 3) for 2 weeks. We have asked the mother of his other 2 DCs (months ago) if we can have them for a week so they can see their sibling. She has said no as she has a friend satying for two weeks .

He has now said today she wants us to have them the weekend after next (my kid free weekend). I have gone a bit mental as I feel I am dancing to her tune constantly when we have offered to have them for a whole week.

He can't get them this weekend as he can't afford the petrol and I can't lend it.

ARGH please be honest and tell me - AIB a selfish bitch step mother from hell?

OP posts:
TheButterflyEffect · 19/07/2010 23:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Ladyanonymous · 19/07/2010 23:03

You think? Thats what I'm thinking too - I'm going to have to suck it up aren't I and spend the weekend fucking cooking and doing kiddie things.

I am a bitch.

OP posts:
runnybottom · 19/07/2010 23:04

Its his decision when he wants to see his children. And you aren't their step-mother.

Original poster
Ladyanonymous · 19/07/2010 23:05

He can only see them in my house runnybottom and I meant it as a turn of phrase and it was easier to type...

OP posts:
maddy68 · 19/07/2010 23:06

to be fair to the mother - she has made arrangements for those 2 weeks.
and you are being a bit selfish, when you have kids they are 24/7 and kid free weekends dont come into the equation

TheButterflyEffect · 19/07/2010 23:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Ladyanonymous · 19/07/2010 23:07

I am a single parent so it is me 24/7 alone with my 3 and its school hols.

She did this at easter too - refused to let us have them while he was on leave because said friend was coming but never came.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ladyanonymous · 19/07/2010 23:09

Yes maybe I need to tell him to step up to the plate a bit and actually help with the cooking.

I think maybe its the whole being 5th down on the priority list thing and him expecting me to do it rather than ask....esp after I felt a bit let down this weekend.

OP posts:
runnybottom · 19/07/2010 23:09

Things get complicated when you have 6 children and several parents. Seems like this goes with the territory.

Original poster
Ladyanonymous · 19/07/2010 23:12

Yes - its just when we ask she always says no when she asks we have to bend over backwards usually at short notice to have them as that is the only chance he has to see them...I feel controlled but its not his fault - and really really tough to organise anything regular.

OP posts:
hairytriangle · 19/07/2010 23:12

Runnybottom how dare you! How do you know what her relationship is to them?

runnybottom · 19/07/2010 23:13

How dare I what? Do you want to borrow a dictionary?

Maylee · 19/07/2010 23:16

wow, runnybottom has her judgey-pants on good and proper today

OP - prob you do need to suck it up....not ideal but hopefully you'll spend nice evenings together when the children are asleep

Original poster
Ladyanonymous · 19/07/2010 23:17

Thats the thing - they are little but he lets them stay up really late because he never sees them - we end up with Cartoon Network on at 10pm .

I am very anal about bedtimes

OP posts:
TheButterflyEffect · 19/07/2010 23:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

CakeandRoses · 19/07/2010 23:23

YANBU. Can totally see why you're feeling pissed off but...

I don't think it would be fair for him not to see his DCs that weekend.

But definitely make him do more cooking etc!

I had a 'step-son' in a previous relationship (not a marriage), and for years the ex gave us non-stop aggro. Until one day, she realised that we weren't letting her get to us and it actually made her life (and of course her DS's life) much easier and happier when she worked with us rather than against us. I'm hoping that will happen for you.

Original poster
Ladyanonymous · 19/07/2010 23:24

I think I just like my routine and I hate it when he calls and says "she wants me to have the kids this weekend" and then leaves a silence when really I feel he should say "Would you mind very much if we had the kids this weekend seeing as we had a really nice kid free weekend planned after I dumped you out last weekend"

OP posts:
scrab806ble · 19/07/2010 23:26

...and large glass of wine...

hairytriangle · 19/07/2010 23:30

I just think it was incredibly mean to say 'you are not their step mother'

runnybottom · 19/07/2010 23:34

It was pedantic, not mean. And I'm not judging anybody.

ChippingIn · 20/07/2010 01:29

runnybottom - there is a Pedants Board, this is not it.

LA - can you afford to book yourself into a nice hotel for a couple of nights - room service, sunbathing, peaceful book reading.... if not, pretend you have and tell OH he is completely responsible for his children & himself this weekend... end of.

Original poster
Ladyanonymous · 20/07/2010 07:41

ChippingIn Alas no I cannot but its a lovely idea

Have texted him to say its fine and I'm sorry if I was U and of course we will have the DC's and he is in charge of cooking for the weekend

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 20/07/2010 08:13

The op isn't married to the man in the case so she isn't the children's step mother - that is a highly relevant point because you can argue that there is a difference between what is expected of a step mother and what is expected of the partner of a father. Anyway - sounds like the OP has resolved the issue and bravo to her.

ChippingIn · 20/07/2010 09:29

LA - shame huh (down turned lip emoticon required!). Sounds like a semi-reasonable compromise has been made

Northernlurker - it's all semantics in this day and age. It doesn't matter if they have a bit of paper that says they are married or not - it's the relationship of the adults that defines the relationship with the children.

runnybottom · 20/07/2010 09:50

Well yes it does, and in that case Chip she still isn't the step mother.

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