AIBU to think that my friend is going to make her DD terrified?

[DetectivePotato]

A friend of mine used to use cats to scare her DD into doing something. Her DD was afarid of them so if she got too far away or something, my friend would say "the cat is going to get you" and her DD would run back looking terrified.

Her DD has got over the fear of cats so now my friend is using 'George'. It is a bloke they saw at a garage and her DD was afraid of him. Now my friend says "George is coming to get you" and her DD runs looking terrified.

To me, she is going to make her DD terrified of men at this rate.

I must be a dreadful mother as I have joked with my two that i'll take them back to the little boy shop and ask if I can get a new one... emphasis on the joking.

I did tell my DS when he was 4 that if he kept jumping hard on his bed it would break (it would have - flimsy slatting) and he would have to sleep in the garden - all tongue in cheek, but it stopped him....

However, 2 years old and scarinng them with @george' and what have you is lazy and mean parenting.

Oh Boobalina I think it is different when they know you are teasing them. If I say to DS1 that I am going to send him to the home he responds with "Yeah right Mum, you would have to come with me because you love me too much". He knows that I would never do that.

DS2 is farting like mad at the moment and I told DS1 I was going to send his little bro back and get one that doesn't smell.

There is no fear for DS in our home or if we are around.

My friends gran used to tell her to "behave or flies will get you."
She's now in her twenties and still has a phobia of flies.

Horrible to frighten children with the extreme threats in some of these posts. The ones where the kids know it's a joke are quite different.

Some coppers protested once when ds was playing up and I said, as we passed their patrol car, that if he didn't behave I'd tell the policemen and they'd tell him off. I was really at the end of my tether after a VERY trying day. But the windows of the police car were down and the officer called 'we don't just do nasty things, you know, we help small children'. Poor man, think he was really offended!

now, proudnsad and CheerfulYank - i really hate it when parents use that one

"ooh, you have to behave and not touch anything because the lady will tell you off".

that means that i worry that the children will be scared of me, which means that instead of being encouraged to come in to the bookshop (or the library), they will be scared of the lady behind the counter who will tell them off any second now.

actually, i have to say, that most of the time, these threats are made by the parents whose kids are just behaving like normal kids - looking at the books, maybe getting one out and sitting down to read. it's quite the parents who really can't be bothered to keep an eye on their children because they're too busy talking to their friend to watch.
(or because they don't want to buy a book and are fobbing the child off - why the hell not just say "we aren't buying anything today"!!!)

I saw an elderly woman in a motorised scooter thing tell a little crying boy in M&S 'stop crying or I will run you over'. They werent even together?!

But isnt this just a harsher version of 'stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about?' which I got told ALL the time, and I hear friends using now.

Its def not right, but I think alot of people do it to some extent.

'... or I'll give you something to cry about' used to really puzzle me as a child. No logic in that at all. Someone's upset so you threaten them with violence unless they cheer up? Bizarre.

I quite like 'if you carry on doing that and break your leg, don't come crying to me' though. Nicely barking. How could a child with a broken leg come over to its mother?

edam, for ages I thought my mother didn't understand how time worked, as when I was small she used to say 'you have ten minutes to do X', and then count to ten, so I thought she was easily confused between the length of a second and a minute. It was only when I was older and thought to ask about it that she explained she'd thought I didn't know the difference, so 'it wouldn't matter'.

you can almost imagine those people then whacking their child and then saying "see, i told you i'd make you cry - now stop crying!"

Blimey Ryuk, how old were you? Your mother seems to have underestimated you!

I used tell DD (2) that if she doesn't let me strap her into her car seat that the policeman will tell daddy off (has to be daddy as I can't drive) and now she straps herself in and I tighten it. Or that she'll get squished by a car if she doesn't hold my hand crossing the road.

I'm not trying to scare her though, it's the truth.

crazykat, that is very different . Telling your child about what could be the consequences of an action is ok I think as long as it is not meant to only scare them but teach them something. What Op is talking about though is rather a horrible thing to do to a 2yo.

BTW, better to say "you might (get squashed by a car)" than "you will", as if they cross the road without holding you hand and nothing happens to them they will stop taking you seriously. DS3 was very proud once to tell me after he escaped "see I did NOT get run over!" I have since changed the wording.

edam, I can't remember so aren't sure, I would guess some point between three and five? I did have a slightly older brother though, and I remember him proudly explaining things like time, weights and measures etc to me just after he'd learned them.

I know someone that uses the police are coming as a threat for taking seat belts off refusing to put them on or generally running amok in the street.

I do think that children need to know mummy daddy etc expect them to do/ stop doing something or they'll not respect you.

aww thats horrible

I agree with whoever said about passing authority on. I call the shots in my house! I would never say 'wait til your dad gets home' - I'm much meaner and scarier than Daddy!! Ditto the police or shop assistants.

I struggled with the police thing too. I didn't want to tell her that police tell off bad people off - I didn't want to tell her that there are bad people IYSWIM! (When she was a toddler.) So I always say that the police help people and keep us safe. They would make sure that we're all wearing seatbelts, to keep us safe though not to throw us in jail! Same with driving too fast and other examples.

I just can't imagine why people want to make thier children frightened

Can someone please tell me how I can say, diplomatically, that this really isn't the right thing to be saying?

I would perhaps try to make it sound light - 'aw bless her, she's frightened! Why are you telling her that? You'll give her a complex!' to open the conversation. But I tend not to be very direct so I'm sure someone will have a better suggestion!

I have shouted Gruffalo when ds has been heading onto road into path of car. He took that very seriously and stopped at once - "car", "lorry" etc seem to hold no fear for him. I wouldn't use it as a threat to make him eat his peas, but would use again as a warning to keep him safe. (Obv would be better if he just did everything I said..)

Lol at shouting Gruffalo

or perhaps say to the dd 'you can be naughty at home then as george isn't there'! that should make the mum realise its her dd has to listen to and she needs to take responsibility!

iggi99 you knicked my parenting style didnt you (see post 22.09)

A woman I used to work with years ago was telling us about how she's put a bolt on the outside of her son's bedroom door - he was 4 or 5 - and locked him in after she'd put him to bed. He used to cry and shout for her so she told us that she used to go up, knock on his door and when he asked who it was she used to 'put on a voice' and say 'It's Baby Jesus and I'm going to come and get you if you don't go to sleep for your Mummy'

Our faces were and it's only when a colleague managed to say 'So you tell him he's going to die if he doesn't go to sleep???' that it actually occurred to her what she was doing!!

Monkey I'd have been too scared to post if I hadn't seen that you'd already 'fessed up!