AIBU to blame mum of obese child?

[proudnsad]

Was at soft play place earlier with the dc (obviously!). No Wifi, forgot me book, no papers, so feck all to do except nose at everyone else.

There was one mum with her dd, about 7 I'd guess. DD was seriously overweight. When she squeezed past my table, she was panting and wheezing like an old woman. She looked awful too. Sorry.

I felt really judgemental towards her mum. How and why did she let her dd get so big? It's so unfair on the kid.

PraderWilli has been mentioned as a medical condition that can cause children to be obese - I just wanted to add the perspective that even then parents have an enormous amount of influence on the child's diet. My niece has PW, was diagnosed early and has been on a lifelong diet. As a result, she's now 12, she is notably different, but not obese..

I have a huge amount of admiration for my SIL and the way she has been managing her DDs condition - it's bloody hard work, but I think she shows perfectly what parents can do and it's sad to see parents shirking responsibility over perfectly healthy children

Panda, I have to take you up on me 'judging the child'. Abso-fucking-lutely not. The parent yes, rightly or wrongly , NOT the child.

therose/hecate. So sorry for your experiences. Very powerful to hear about them. It most certainly was a type of abuse in both of your cases. Carnation milk?!?!!! Jeez.

I must say I am uncomfortable with the concentration camp talk . I understand the points being made but when we are getting into the realms of larger prisoners 'being in cahoots with the guards'...maybe we can drop this subject.

Sorry but I am going against the flow here but YANBU. I judge and I know there are some exceptions but in the main it is because the child is given too much to eat.

I am not overweight now and I wasnt as a child until I hit around the age of 14 and from then I always struggled with my weight throughout my life and I would say it dominated my life, I had an eating disorder throughout my twenties.

I am not apportioning blame here but here are some examples of my Mums attitude to food.

Every Friday night was "treat" night where she and us two dc consumed one or two entire bars of Cadburys Dairy Milk
In the mornings we were encouraged to get the Biscuit Tin as soon as we got up rather than wake them up. The tin was always full and we could quite easily consume 10 - 15 biscuits in one go. I was a child how could I know any better, I knew nothing about calories.
She would boast that I, at the age of 9 was consuming a plate full of food the same size as my Dad. We were given massive portions.

I honestly, in my teens did not have a clue about calories or portion control and obviously as the activity of being a child slowed down, slowly the weight piled on.

I am very aware of this for my dc but not in a unhealthy way, I make sure their portions sizes are right and I do talk about the difference between healthy food and junk. They do not have unlimited access to the biscuit barrel.

It is totally to do with education and if a child does not have condition that is contributing to the weight then I think it is terribly cruel not to address it. When you have total control over a childs diet and that child is overweight and unhappy, then it IS your fault and it is up to you as the parent to get it sorted.

I don't think that children should be fed crap or overfed, and the responsibility does lie with the parents. But that poses the interesting question of whether or not fat adults are in fact victims of poor parental choices too - if you reach adulthood significantly overweight because of your parents, why is it suddenly your fault that you can't lose 5st and keep it off?

I do get angry about the assumption that fat children WILL be teased and there's nothing to be done about it. My DD has red hair and is likely to be teased for that - should I dye her hair then?

I think it's the responsibility of ALL parents to teach their kids NOT TO BE MEAN. It is not ok to pick on children because of their weight (or whatever), nor is it inevitable that they shall be. Nobody says "oh, you can't stop them being racist, kids will be kids."
It's the same prinicple, just teach them it's wrong ffs!

Shimmery you're not going against the flow. Most have agreed with me that the parents are to blame.

In my case my mum always made me feel fat and put me on diets. I wasn't and I'm not but I have a terrible body image. She is slim and sporty and a dreadful 'fattist'.

Sad the influence of some mothers.

I know of a child aged 10 who weighs at least 12 stone, probably more. Her school does not want to take her on field trips because she can't walk as fast as the other children and an adult has to stay with her as she lags miles behind. Her parents have offered to pay for taxis for her to get the local swimming baths rather than make her walk with the rest of the children, this is a ten minute walk and by the time she gets there she doesnt want to swim because she's too tired. This makes me really for her and at her parents for enabling her overeating and not encouraging her to take any exercise. I DO think parents are to blame. They buy the food, and can restrict what a child eats and how much, it just seems like sometimes they can't be bothered to argue and give them whatever they want to avoid an argument.

I think it used to be standard practice to feed babies on watered down carnation in the days before formula, if for any reason the mother couldn't b/feed.It was certainly advocated by health professionals.I have often been told how Carnation milk saved my uncle's life

Perception of body/weight is just getting so screwed up.

Some of the country (mainly women but I also know some v v body-conscious men)live in abject terror of putting on a kilo and aspire to an airbrushed fantasy of an unachievable body.

At the same time, an increasing percentage of the country is seriously overweight to the extent that they could die before their parents.

It worries me that I won't be able to do enough to carve a line down the middle for my own children.