AIBU to blame mum of obese child?

[proudnsad]

Was at soft play place earlier with the dc (obviously!). No Wifi, forgot me book, no papers, so feck all to do except nose at everyone else.

There was one mum with her dd, about 7 I'd guess. DD was seriously overweight. When she squeezed past my table, she was panting and wheezing like an old woman. She looked awful too. Sorry.

I felt really judgemental towards her mum. How and why did she let her dd get so big? It's so unfair on the kid.

I do think genetics is a factor.

My DS1 eats adult size portions of food, and he seems to manage to eat quite a lot of sweets. He also is a terror to get to brush his teeth. He is as skinny as a rake and doesn't have a single filling. (However he is allergic to all dairy so I'd say his diet is lower fat than a lot of children's.)

He has a chubby friend. Not obese, chubby. One day when walking to school DS1 challenged the friend to a race to the school gates. I was gobsmacked - DS1 is a really slow runner, slowest in the class, plus he has asthma and gets out of breath. I couldn't understand him challenging anyone to a race - I thought he'd lose miserably. He beat the friend easily and the friend was puffing and panting. I was shocked to see how much just a little extra weight affects fitness.

That, and the fact that the skinny one is never hungry, and the bigger one is always starving. If your child is hungry, it's very hard to say no - although obviously you point them in the direction of the fruit bowl or the crispbread, not the crisps!

giddypickle that was always my problem. I used give my dd such large portions and she would eat the lot. Being shown a decent portion size really helped me. I also brought smaller plates which helped massively.

'Taking aside the small percentage with medical conditions then its the parents fault without a doubt.
It's not rocket science.
Eat crap and no exercise = fat kids.
Healthy diet & exercise = healthy kids.'

Soemtimes its not about eating crap - but about eating too much. My DD was quite high up the centiles (98 at one point!) between age 1 and 3. This was because she had quite large portions, but only of healthy food (no sweets, crisps etc etc). I was told by the hv that as long as she wanted to eat more, I should let her (within reason) as long as it was healthy. I was worried for a while, but she is now quite slim (aged nearly 4) and I can barely get her to eat a thing, she is so fussy these days!

Quite a few of my friends have kids who are super skinny. They have never eaten properly and every meal has been a challenge. Most of these friends let their kids eat crisps, biscuits etc just so they'll eat something. Their kids never eat fruit or veg.

The problem with judging is you have no idea of the situation. A skinny kid could be eating just as much crap as a fat kid.

"A skinny kid could be eating just as much crap as a fat kid."

• agree. My DD is skinny too and has a terrible diet due to fussiness.

kids on steroids can look massively overweight with swollen faces...so you shouldn't judge.

DD2 was a plump but not overly obese child-unlike her brother and sister who were super skinny, Neither diet portion control seemed to be an issue.
Spoke to school HV and GP but nothing changed her shape.
Roll on to age 14puberty arrivesand now she is as skinny as DD1 and DS.

Don't be too quick to judge the parents...

Lack of excercise must be a factor these days - kids are often not allowed out to play - eg running round playing football in the park, riding bikes etc.

But I wouldn't judge just because even if there is a tiny chance of their being a medical cause, I would hate to judge someone in that situation, knowing how hard it is to be judged wrongly, like I am for having my large-for-age and healthy looking 3 year old DD with SN in a buggy as she can't walk far.

My children are both pretty slim but DS1 eats nothing but crap. Except sweetcorn, he quite likes that. He's having a phase, and will come out the other side soon I hope.

Still, good to know I won't be judged on his diet, since he's skinny and all.

I am prickly - I felt extremely judged by the nurses when DS1 went to have his front teeth removed, as if having your child under a GA and losing teeth wasn't bad enough. Their manner completely changed towards us when they realised that his teeth were coming out because he had killed them through falling on his face, rather than because of decay. Bastards. Oh, and he's still in a buggy at nearly 5 and always has massive scabs because he picks at his face, we get lovely judging for those things too.

Basically, yes, it's hard not to judge another parent if their kid appears to have a totally preventable 'defect.' But I think we all do things that we shouldn't, and no kid is perfect. So don't bloody do it, because it's horrible.

/endrantingmadwoman

FanjoForTheMammaries

I spent three months on a high dose of steroids not that long ago.

Yes, my face was huge, even the doctor called me Moonface, but I wasn't huge.
I'm still on a high dose steroid inhaler, and the face is a wee bit bloated, though better than it was, but I'm not overweight.
I'm 5'2 and weigh 7st 12.

I don't want to be fat, and I don't want DD to be fat so in spite of taking steroids, I make sure I'm not.

I don't really go with the 'don't judge as there's a 0.1% chance it's genetic' because of the very fact those odds are so small. But agree, as I said earlier, it's not a great feeling to sit in judgement of another parent. But I did feel so sorry for this girl.

The irony is I started this thread and we just had a Chinese takeaway and let the dc share a can of coke!! But it's a rarity and we're taking them to football and tennis tomorrow...she says quickly.

ps and to 'defect'

(shit, muggle, I'm 5'2 and weight 9.10...and I'm a size 10...you must be teensy)

When I see a large child accompanied by large mum I think, oh welll, that's poor eating habits and low exercise lifestyle being handed down from one generation to the next...but if I see a big child with a slim parent I automatically go into judgey mode as they are denyng their child the long term good health they have...I saw a report a couple of days ago that said obese childrens should be classed as victims of abuse/neglect as essentially parents are not doing part of the job (raising a healthy child).

I agree a young child huffing and puffing hwile just walking along a road is sad for the child and really does not bode well for their long term health prospects.

So sad to see overweight children some
parents cant see past their own weight
problems and say they cant afford "healthy
foods" load of rubbish as stated earlier
portion control and excercise,I can tell
a tale from years ago when my sister took
her first DD to clinic and the nurse
measured her head circumfirence and said it was smaller than normal and my sister was
crying when she came home thinking that
something was wrong,our mum said" if everyone had the same size heads why dont they make
hats all the same bloody size"but she was
right to much is put on parents to "do the right thing"so lets hope that little girls
parents wise up a bit

proudnsad
No, not really. I have a really round face, and big thighs.
I am curvy, and wobbly, which is why I have to be careful not to put on weight.
I look huge very easily.

My DS is slightly over weight and the only reason is not heavier is that I am so careful with his diet.He doesn't eat crisps or biscuits, very occassional chocolate treats. He swims, plays cricket, football, gymnastics, volley ball and games club. It is a constant battle to keep his weight down.

My DGD who is underweight eats all of the time, when she comes to visit it is like locusts have been.

Sometimes it is just the luck of the draw.

It's all in the mind..... I have been chubby (never obese) yet when I decide to lose weight I go for it and do it because I am determined to.

I don't believe genetics play a part for the majority, but the reasons why people eat (boredome, depression, sadness etc - ie mental state) does.

I also think as a nation we have the wrong idea of portion size. Eg a Large Pizza in the 70s would feed four, but one person seems to eat it now!!

YANBU to the Op. Absolutely blame the parents - who else is there to blame ?

valleyqueen sounds like you are doing a fantastic job, please don't feel sad. I so wish my mum had done this for me. She used to think (perhaps like all mums in the 70's?) that chubby was good.

I was also extremely self conscious as a child & felt inhibited. I wasn't massive, just tubby, actually, my dad once described me as "as fat as butter"

I don't normally rant on here - its my first time to criticise someone :
Had DDs friend from school (v.overweight) for a picnic one day - this is what her mum packed

Jam sandwiches
Mars cake bar
2 digestive biscuits
strip of chocolate
cream egg
carton of apple juice

DDs friend even joked that the only healthy thing she had was the juice.

I actually don't understand it - there is giving your child treats and there is giving your child nothing but treats

Where was the protein ? where was anything apart from sugar ???

Surely it doesn't take too much common sense to realise that a packed lunch like that is not going to help an already significant weight problem !

awww lovingthesun. I was chubby too though my mother was really rather fattist. I had a lot of teasey 'affectionate' comments from both my parents. That's probably why I felt for this girl.However this was obese rather than tubby.

muggle - seriously at that weight you cannot look big, love, try to digest that!

Well, I do try to keep an open mind as I know there can be external factors but I do sometimes judge!

We were at the library the other day and a very chubby wee toddler was walking round with a 500 gram bag of chocolate fingers all to herself.

I admit it, I judged. I judged the volume of fat, chocolate, caffeiene for one small girl. And I judged the fact that she was getting sticky chocolatey fingers on library books!

I should add that this particular library is in the same complex as two supermarkets, so any "maybe the mother couldn't find anything else at that precise moment" thoughts don't apply.

So, if everyone judges the fat kids with fat OR thin parents, what do you think when you see an average/skinny kid with fat parents?