AIBU to blame mum of obese child?

[proudnsad]

Was at soft play place earlier with the dc (obviously!). No Wifi, forgot me book, no papers, so feck all to do except nose at everyone else.

There was one mum with her dd, about 7 I'd guess. DD was seriously overweight. When she squeezed past my table, she was panting and wheezing like an old woman. She looked awful too. Sorry.

I felt really judgemental towards her mum. How and why did she let her dd get so big? It's so unfair on the kid.

All power to you ValleyQueen.

I think you're a good example of what a caring parent does. As regards the weight of a child in yor care, there has to come a point where you say "this is tending towards obese rather than overweight" and do something to help reduce their weight.

I don't think you should feel bad about it. You're doing the responsible thing.

Just as you are active in helping your DD achieve/maintain a healthy weight so too should the parent or carer of every obese child.

Why not supervise his spending? He's only 11!

Of course the parents are to blame, very rarely is it a condition outside of eating to much and not enough exercise. I think more professionals need to be able to say something, perhaps the health risks aren't as immediately catastrophic as under feeding but it's still cruelty. You make it harder in every way by allowing them to gain too much weight, from making friends to enjoying the park.

I'm not talking BMA variations but the cases where a child's weight issue can clearly be seen.

I always judge parents when I see fat kids.

I dislike being judgey but have to accept that on certain things I am.

The list isn't very long so I'll trouble you with it;

Weight
Teeth

both things have a lasting impact on the life of a child and I can't help but get really cross with adults who pretend there isn't a problem and pretend that they aren't a part of the problem.

I have one underweight ds and one overweight ds!

Genetics do play a part imo.

Both play sports and are active. Ds2 is a comfort/boredom eater and ds1 not.

Don't want to demonise food.

Exactly it's all well and good saying oh they are only overweight but that can lead to obesity. Better to tackle it before it becomes a massive problem.

Trouble is not all parents recognise the problem and I am not sure how you would get them to.

Obesity due to genetics is a very small percentage of the reasons for obesity the vast majority are due to diet/lack of activity. And even with a genetic predisposition for obesity you still need to have major help from environmental factors (food/exercise). It just means that you will gain weight faster not that you have to be obese.

There is a difference between overweight and morbidly obese.

A friend of mine has a DD, and at 14 weighs at least twice what I do. Admittedly she is taller, but my friend was saying to me how she'd bought an outfit and decided she wasn't keen on it, so gave it to her DD.

I know my friend is a size 20, as she's told me.

I feel so sorry for the DD and yes blame my friend, who I get on with, but don't parent the way she does.

Food was really restricted when I was a child, no sweets, no biscuits, no cordial etc etc and so I'm fairly liberal with them and not regular. Sometimes the dcs have them three times in one week and sometimes not for weeks. However if/when I notice one is getting a little thicker around the waist and no growth spurt is forthcoming I simply go to the park more often and for longer.

SMP...erm well yes! I guess if a child's teeth was terrible then you would be rather horrified that their parents could have bothered to sort it out and chose not to.

Taking aside the small percentage with medical conditions then its the parents fault without a doubt.

It's not rocket science.

Eat crap and no exercise = fat kids.

Healthy diet & exercise = healthy kids.

It makes me despair sometimes when my children's friends come round for dinner. My DD's best mate told DD that we eat weird food. What did we cook? Spag bol. But instead of it being out of a jar, we did it all from scratch and used mince steak instead of the value mince. Result was a dish full of flavour and no E numbers which seems to throw my kids friends.

We homecook pretty much 6 nights a week on average and have junk one night. None of our kids are fat but I sometimes wish DD would do more exercise. That said she walks 2 miles a day to get to/from school so that helps.

My DH struggles too, since he was a toddler...his mother gave him similar size portions to his Dad and there was lots of encouragment to finish his food. But when he runs A LOT and cuts out alcohol and has plenty of fresh fruit, veg and less meat he gets back down to a very healthy 15/16st. (He is a very large built man and tall.)

Just to be clear I get judgey at pre-schoolers who have to have numerous teeth removed because they're rotten.

(even then I accept that the way they drink their milk can cause this, but I think that a dentist would have pointed out the damage milk can do if only they took them to the dentist!)

I like parents to act like it's an honour to have children and to look after them.

Oh my friend is definitely feeding her DD too much, or at least allowing her DD to eat too much.

Crisps/cakes/biscuits are available on tap and meals are of the frozen type.

My DD's best friend is chubby and won't touch veg or fruit. She picked the burger out of her bun the other night when I'd made them because it wasn't plain.
It was a tiger roll!

niceguy2 my dd was still overweight and never eats crap food and is active. The fault was I was giving her too large a portion apparently it's a common problem.

SMP DS2 has awful baby teeth due to medicines like steroids/antibitoics I took in early PG

They have no enamel so are v badly discoloured

It's not always what you think, Easywriter

I know Boysarelikedogs (v. amused by your name) I did forget that there are medical reasons why a child may have bad teeth.
Such parents usually are the first to point out why their children have the teeth they do so avoid an Easywriter judging.

Oh, and I've seen where this ends up.
My exbf was incredibly fussy. He ate meat and two veg, without the veg.
When DD and I went to see him, he refused to go for a Maccas which DD wanted, as he hares it, but loved Burger King.
When he goes out for a meal with his family, his sister has to e-mail him the menu to make sure there's something he likes.
He gets upset otherwise.
He won't try new foods, and gets upset at the suggestion.

He had a heart attack last year, age 37 and is still huge, and still fussy.
Oh, btw, he lives with his parents.
What was I thinking?

It's very difficult to balance when you have children with completely different builds. DD has never even reached the minimum of the centile charts for weight, and is of slightly below averge height. DS1 is on the very top of the centile charts for both height and weight, and always has been - he's almost 13, 5' 6" and 10.5 stone. DS2 is bang on the middle for weight and height. It couldn't be anymore complicated to organise food and portions in my house.

Hope I'm not causing offence.
The parents who mis-treat their children in ths way are in the minority.

But I'm jst saying that there are some parents out there who are busy sending their children to an early grave.

It always makes me sad to see children who are obese.

ANd yes I do judge the parents, sp when you see them waddling around the supermarket chucking pies and fizzy drinks into their trolleys.

It's not easy at all is it, especially given the link between feeding and love.