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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Half-Birthdays.... AIBU?

105 replies

JustaHalf · 17/07/2010 13:14

Got an invite last week for a birthday party.

DS was excited, and I was happy for him. Then saw the date, it's while we are away, so we couldn't go. DS cried.

Driving back I though, ah, poor child, how nice of him to invite DS, (DS is older) perhaps I'll just get a card and a little gift to say thanks for inviting us. DS will leave the school and start his new term in Big School in September.

So I looked at the invite... imagine my to see the party is... GET THIS..

For a child who will be 3 1/2 - yes THREE AND A HALF!!!

So am I correct in thinking that if we were able to attend, that the correct thing to do would be to take a gift? and a card?

Does anyone know where one can buy a Half Birthday card?... or is there a business opportunity there??....

Would we have to sing Happy Birthday?

How many candles does the little darling blow out? 3 and a stump?

Now I totally 'get' that winter birthdays are tougher for DC because you can't hire a bouncy castle and have a run about in the garden. (Unless Hypothermia is your bag)

DS birthday is the week before Christmas, we didn't have a Children's Party, just family. Have I deprived him? is he scarred for life?

Or should I book a hall sharpish????

FWIW, my opinion is that if you want to throw a summer party for your winter-born DC, all well and good, but not to dress it up as a birthday party, just a fun day for all invited.

Secretly tempted to RSVP saying Sorry that we can't make the party, let us know when he's actually 4....

So, AIBU?

btw, namechanged for this... have been here yonks, honest.... Got a few more days at the school, don't want to cause a ruck there before DS leaves if I'm outed....

OP posts:
thingamajig · 17/07/2010 22:54

DD is a Christmas day birthday girl, and we do a half birthday in the summer. I don't understand why no presents for half birthdays; DD gets Christmas presents at Christmas and birthday presents in the summer. Bossyboop, maybe you think that children should only get presents at Christmas or their birthday? Do let me know

thefirstmrsDeVere · 17/07/2010 23:04

I have a 29th Dec and two in the first two weeks of Jan.

I just cant bring myself to do half birthdays.

But last year was the first that I managed to be really organised and get everything together for proper birthdays.

(I dont mean ever, just recently).

I find Christmas difficult generally but really made the effort this year and it worked out fine.

People were great and no one got birthday presents wrapped in christmas paper or 'this is for both' presents.

Its not just christmas babies who suffer. My birthday is very near my Dad's. I never got a proper birthday because of it.

It must have affected me a bit (because I have bothered to mentione it on MNS) but it didnt scar me for life.

Wanderingsheep · 17/07/2010 23:17

My sister's friend does something similar for her DS. However, they usually do a little pool party or something in the garden for the kids in summer but they invite the children specifying that it is not x's birthday and they are not to bring presents etc. They are just having the party in summer as it gives them more room (if house is small they can spread the party outside) and they're not as busy as they would be at Christmas.

DD was invited to a birthday party at the end of January where it had been the little boys birthday on Xmas eve. They decided to do it then as they realised that everyone has plans around the time of his birthday.

MrsWobbleTheWaitress · 18/07/2010 09:12

The answer maybe is to not do parties (woohoo! I hate children's parties!) and do birthday treats instead, with just one or two special friends

mummytime · 18/07/2010 09:25

I have known someone do this. Their child was ill on their real birthday (chicken pox) and the venue would rebook but not cancel. So they had the party later.

Naetha · 18/07/2010 09:57

DS's birthday is on the 4th January and there's no point even trying to arrange a party for him as people are knackered after Christmas and NY, miserable on returning to work/school, the weather is pants, and nobody has any money (us included).

He doesn't get a "big" present from us for his birthday - we save this until the summer, and hopefully this year (but probably next year as it's nearly too late) we'll have a nice party for him with a bouncy castle. I wouldn't expect gifts for him though, and certainly wouldn't do anything like that if we had arranged something over the winter for him.

DDs birthday is at the end of November, so hopefully we can make a summer party a regular thing rather than a winter thing.

redskyatnight · 18/07/2010 09:59

I know someone who has 2 children who BOTH have birthdays on Christmas Eve. They are 8 years apart in age, so there's not even any chance of getting away with a joint birthday party.

She has a party for one a week or 2 weeks before Christmas, party for the other the week before that - and collapses in a heap in January.

might suggest half birthdays to her.

TulipsInTheSunshine · 18/07/2010 13:05

dd's party in January was few days after the school reopened after the snow. We ended up with 19 kids turning up as everyone was so desperate to get out of the house!

Conversely dp was summer birthday and hated it as he never had proper parties as it was school holidays and alot of people weren't around. ds1's is next week and we're having a party but it is proving tricky to track down alot of his school friends so he's having alot of dd's friends and children's older and younger siblings to bulk out numbers as it's easier to invite families at this time of year.

swings and roundabouts!

BikeRunSki · 18/07/2010 13:09

My granny always used to let me have a 3/4 birthday so that I could get to go on a picnic too. I am the only one for my siblings with a winter birthday (like my granny) and we thought that I need an excuse for a picnic day out too. But a picnic was all it ever was. Tartan thermos and egg sandwhiches, nothing fancy. Even now, in the middle of August I think "ooo, it's my 3/4 birthday today" (and I will be 39 3/4 next month).

clam · 18/07/2010 13:35

Look, people can throw parties whenever they like! I love a good knees-up, me. But I guess this is down to interpretation of the title "half-birthday". If it's a party to celebrate the child passing the halfway mark between 2 "real" birthdays, and cards and presents are expected to mark that date, then I think it's bloody ridiculous and wouldn't subscribe.
If, however, it's an alternative date for a birthday that falls at an inconvenient time of year and it's instead of the real thing, then I would say it's a great idea. But to call it a half birthday is misleading.

Both my DCs have birthdays in the middle of August. Everyone is always away. So we bring both forward to July, before the schools break up, in order to maximinse attendance. Invites say something along the lines of "It's MissClam's b'day soon, and we're celebrating early." So there's no confusion. Of course, we as parents mark the actual days with a family day out and cake etc.. but wouldn't expect anyone else to stump up twice.

MadameCheese · 18/07/2010 14:45

Someone on facebook posted "happy six-month birthday DD", made me want to hurl!

Naetha · 18/07/2010 19:54

Sometimes a baby reaching 6 months old can be a big deal, especially for first time parents. It should hardly make you want to hurl.

Galena · 19/07/2010 08:08

I repeat - my daughter was born at 27 weeks - some of the early days it was touch and go whether she'd live.

6 months was a HUGE milestone!

cory · 19/07/2010 08:12

I hope noone who came to ds' party yesterday is doing the maths. Ds was 10 in May. We had his 10th birthday party yesterday. He was 9 the previous May. We had his 9th birthday party in November.

In our defence, ds has not been well.

Galena · 19/07/2010 08:17

I think the point is, if it's an ADDITIONAL time for presents people feel it's wrong, but if it's their only 'birthday type celebration' it doesn't matter.

Smithagain · 19/07/2010 08:17

Given that there are a few people on here who have given very, very good reasons indeed for having a half birthday party (prematurity, illness, clash between real birthday and a sad anniversary), perhaps the kind thing to do would be to have a friendly chat with the child's mum. "So sorry DS can't come because we are away. But we're so intrigued why you're having a half party."

Maybe you'll be surprised and they will have a perfectly valid reason for doing it. Or maybe it's just a fun excuse for a party and they aren't expecting presents etc at all and would be horrified to think that people are getting wound up about it.

But of course bitching about them on Mumsnet is much more constructive

MollieO · 19/07/2010 08:19

I think if there are exceptional circumstances and it is the only party the child has then it is fine. I'd be less than impressed though if they had two parties a year and an expectation of two presents.

throckenholt · 19/07/2010 08:31

we had a half birthday party for our twins this weekend. However, it was a joint birthday party with their brother whose birthday was the day before (there is almost exactly 6 months from his) We rarely do big parties at all, and certainly didn't want to do another one in the winter, so we combined them and had one big party in the summer.

I do admit that the twins we confused and kept calling it their brother's party []

I had no idea this was a new trend - just a pragmatic decision on our part.

throckenholt · 19/07/2010 08:33

by the way - we asked for no presents - the thought of presents for all 3 of them from 20 odd friends was more than I could cope with !

traceybath · 19/07/2010 08:38

DS2 is a boxing day baby and I think we'll do his parties around halloween.

That will be his party and I'd be a bit at people who attended and muttered about it to be honest.

Its pretty pants having a christmas birthday and I think its fine to celebrate it at another time.

And even if in this case the child has 2 parties - really - who cares? Your child gets to go to a party and presumably have fun.

flockwallpaper · 19/07/2010 08:42

What smithagain said. I don't see why anyone has to justify when they hold their child's birthday party provided they aren't celbrating it twice and expecting two lots of presents. It's just a date on the calendar.

OP you clearly have to much time on your hands

lilmamma · 19/07/2010 09:13

my son was born new years eve,and thats when he had his birthday partys.they were always indoor things but he was never bothered,and if we had a nice day in the summer i would get a bouncy castle,for the hell of it for him and his mates and birthday was never mentioned,as it wasnt his birthday...it was just a funday...

clam · 19/07/2010 11:12

READ THE THREAD, PEOPLE!!
The grumble isn't about people who hold a party at a different time of year for pragmatic reasons. It's about people celebrating (with cards and presents) the passing of 6 months between "real" birthdays.

MadameCheese · 19/07/2010 13:56

Naetha but "happy birthday"?! Agree 6 months is a milestone, but let's not go overboard...

melikalikimaka · 19/07/2010 14:04

Yes, it is crap to have a birthday in winter, you don't get any parties, so I don't blame the parents, they wanna celabrate it!

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