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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think there is not a peado on every corner

84 replies

racmac · 16/07/2010 20:43

In car park yesterday and mum is putting money in pay & display - child of about 10 appears and mum says
"i told u to stay in car - cant believe you walked across the car park, a nasty man might have taken you before you got to me"

I mean ffs - she was old enough to walk across a car park, why tell your child that every man is bad

OP posts:
MrsWobbleTheWaitress · 16/07/2010 20:44

YANBU

that is ridiculous. Depending on the size and maturity of the 10yo, I'd be concerned about a car hitting her - car parks are dangerous places.

thisisyesterday · 16/07/2010 20:47

good grief, i'd have been more worried about them being run over!

and what's with telling your kids a nasty man might get them>?/?? most odd

Easywriter · 16/07/2010 20:54

YANBU car parks are as MrsWobble says dangerous places and it would have been much more sensible to point out that she could have been hit by a car.

However, I keep wondering about paedophiles. MAybe there is one on every street corner.

This may sound mad but we moved to our house only to be told that next door but one lives a convicted child sex offender.

This guy is just... ...just wrong.
He's married and lives with his wife but you defiantely get a vibe from him.

I was horrified and at first I wanted to move but then I thought that he'd been caught. How many haven't been caught? At least we had a head start in so much as talking to DD's and making them aware that some people hurt children.

How do we know there aren't paedo's on every corner. They're not going to stand up and be counted are they?

Dylanpsmummy · 16/07/2010 20:54

YANBU

my Dh was driving home from work one day when the little girl on the street before ours waved at him and he waved back only to have her mother shake her head at him and give him an evil look as if to say how dare you even look at my child.

This left my Dh feeling very upset. Has it really got this bad that men can't even acknowledge a child without being made to feel like a horrible person?

Easywriter · 16/07/2010 20:55

I'm off on my tangent and I'm sticking to it.

StewieGriffinsMom · 16/07/2010 20:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

choufleur · 16/07/2010 20:57

YANBU. we're overly worried in this country about strangers. the absolute vast majority of people are actually ok.

I don't think paedos just stand on corners easywriter - they might be in the middle of the street too

FindingMyMojo · 16/07/2010 21:04

There might not be a 'paedo' on every corner, but there will be a man who looks at inappropriate photos online not far a way. Maybe it's only ever been an internet thing, but who know what trigger it takes to move things to an entirely different level

(not trying to diminish child online porn which is clearly horrific - far from it. But my point is probably a man you know or the man on the corner, or the man next door will be looking at child porn - it is much more common than you would think)

but it should be 'person' rather than 'man' when it comes to stranger danger - after all its clear women will procure porn/photos/children for men.

Good grief that is grim!! And it's Friday too - must be wine o'clock

Booboobedoo · 16/07/2010 21:09

YANBU.

My friend said something similar to my 3yo DS in the park after he'd scooted off into the distance.

I was a bit cross with her.

I don't want DS to see the world as a terrifying place from which he must be shielded.

Oblomov · 16/07/2010 21:12

I don't believe there is a paedo on every corner. And i find Easywriter and Mojo's posts a bit worrying. I think there is too much anxiety and we make our kids too anxious. I am aware of dangers, but I don't think this is one of them. I know there are paedo's. but i don't think they are on every corner.

usualsuspect · 16/07/2010 21:15

I think there's far too much paranoia about peados ..I know they exist, but some kids have no freedom these days its sad really

thisisyesterday · 16/07/2010 21:15

easywriter, a convicted sex offender could have been convicted of having sex with an almost 16 yr old. even if that almost 16 yr old consented

ok, it's still not "right" but it isn't anythiung like raping a small child is it?

my point is that all sex offenders are not equal and it isn't right to teach our children to be scared of everyone

And I think you also need to ask yourself, is my child in real danger? and the answer 99.9% of the time is no! children don't usually get abducted off the street in broad daylight in a busy car park for instance.

we can shield our children too much I think.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 16/07/2010 21:20

I choose to believe there are NOT paedos on every street corner. It's all about risk and our perception of it and IMO people have become far to risk averse. And it is damaging to children. There is more danger (again this is purely my personal opinion and I accept not everyone will agree) in over mollycoddling our children.

Easywriter · 16/07/2010 21:23

Yesterday - I totally hear what you're saying and I agree that say an 18 year old convicted for having sex with a 15 year old, eve if they both "consented" is not the same as raping a 6 year old.
Unfortunately in the next door neighbour but one's case it was more of the latter. He sexually assualted a small boy during the music lessons he was being paid to give said small boy.

I try not to shelter my children though as you're right, very few children are dragged off the street but in light of the fact that they are more likely to be abused by people that they know I talk to them, about their bodies and what is appropriate and as I said making them aware that some people do hurt children.

mountainmonkey · 16/07/2010 21:27

Statistically the child would've been in more danger on the way to the car park.

Easywriter · 16/07/2010 21:29

I think it's more about the form that the molly coddling takes really.

Knee jerk reactions are not good but I'm trying to instill some idea of personal space, appropriate relationships, a good channel of communication between DC's and DP and I and trying to teach them a bit about the world in age appropriate ways.

For me, even though sex-offender seems to be more damger to boys, I'm worried that one day in the future they forget their door key and are invited into his house to wait for us. Consequently, my 6 year olds know him and his wife as the "naughty people", don't talk to, wave or have anything to do with them and we have told them that in the past they hurt small boys.

Too much?
I hope you think not, it seems only sensible as it would surely be easy to groom a child if you saw them almost everyday for 10 years.

whomovedmychocolate · 16/07/2010 21:36

Good lord, not there is not a paedo on every corner -- with the budget cutbacks you'll just have to make do with one per postcode

FFS there have always been sex offenders, male and female. Now I don't know if the Internet has increased the likelihood that they will act (against adults or children) but it's likely that every child in the world at some point needs to know:

(1) You need to be careful to know where you are so you don't get in an accident
(2) You need to know what is okay touching and relationships and what to do if anything that is not okay happens to you
(3) You need to learn how to relate to other children and adults in a respectful manner. Which is not the same as 'you need to avoid men because they have a penis which renders them unable to avoid attacking you ).

If they get those three lessons firmly fixed in their heads, they will most likely be fine - in a car park or anywhere.

However, since most abused children are abused by their own families, I'd say they have more to fear within their homes than elsewhere!

KickArseQueen · 16/07/2010 21:37

There are 2 known to be living within a mile of my house. 1 is a repeat offender. I have told my dd that there are "bad men" and ladies, because there are. There are more than you think sadly.

Easywriter · 16/07/2010 21:40

Sad but true WhoMovedMyChocolate.

I guess I feel so upset at abuse that we know children have suffered and my DC's are so precious to me (as most DC's Are precious to their DP's) that I can't bear the thought that they could be abused.

whomovedmychocolate · 16/07/2010 21:40

KickArseQueen - but that's the thing isn't it - you know that you have sex offenders - there's probably a lot more unknown and those are perhaps more of threat. I think saying there are bad men and women as well as good but being specific and talking about how you can relate to adults without putting yourself at risk is important.

I don't want my kids to be scared of someone saying hello to them in the supermarket. I'm never far away and they also know what is okay and what isn't. It's a sad old world when a man says hello in Sainsburys to a pretty blonde toddler and everyone assumes he wants to rape her .

KickArseQueen · 16/07/2010 21:56

I totally agree with you wmmc, I think its a case of knowing your own child and when to give them what degree of info that they can deal with at their stage of developement. ie not frightening them but keeping them safe etc Totally agree withyour post at 21:36,

Any chance you can drum up a bit of help for pussinjimmychoos friends little boy btw? here (i think!)

thisisyesterday · 16/07/2010 22:51

i wouldn't tell my children that a neighbour was bad and hurt little boys

my eldest would be petrified and having nightmares about the neighbours coming to hurt him

it just isn't necessary IMO.
you can protect your children without saying things like that, but by teaching them everything wmmc says.
have a plan in case they ever get locked out (ie, if you get locked out you MUST go to number 4 or 7, or whatever)

ChippingIn · 17/07/2010 09:00

Easywriter - I don't know whether what you have said and done about the 'next door but one neighbour' is the best thing or not, but it's what I would have done if it had been me - just shortly after going apeshit at not being told this before we bought the house!!! Heads would have wobbled if not rolled....

thisisyesterday - sorry, but I disagree. Telling them that the people at Number 'whatever' are naughty people and are not to be trusted no matter what they say, IMO is very sensible. Just telling them to go to another neighbour doesn't give them any reason to avoid this neighbour if they offer to help. It is very sad that ER has had to do this, it's not idea of course, but IMO she did the right thing.

As for the OP - I hate it when people say things like that to children, why make them scared of the whole world? I would have been cross, because when I say 'stay in the car' I mean, stay in the car - end of. If I had had any worry though, it would have been the cars in the carpark, not some bloody paedo hanging around the carpark to abduct a 10 year old from under my nose?!

seeker · 17/07/2010 09:12

We were camping with my sil and her children once at a family campsite. Sil wouldn't let her 11 year old go to the loo block on his own "because you never know who might be in there" then the next day let her non swimming 6 year old go the sea on a rubber boat with no adult in the water with him on a windy day with the tide going out.

We have a completely skewed view of risk in this country.

OrmRenewed · 17/07/2010 09:17

Aren't there? Damn cut backs. First of all we only get our rubbish collected every fortnight, they shut the pool and now THIS!

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