to think there is not a peado on every corner

[racmac]

In car park yesterday and mum is putting money in pay & display - child of about 10 appears and mum says
"i told u to stay in car - cant believe you walked across the car park, a nasty man might have taken you before you got to me"

I mean ffs - she was old enough to walk across a car park, why tell your child that every man is bad

Maybe mumsnetters could step in? We could wear long macks and practice our "looking a bit strange" and "being a bit too interested in watching children play" and even our "taking photographs that may have a child's left big toe in it". Then we could take turns - some of us to stand on street corners whilc others apply for jobs as TAs and volunteer to run Scout troops.....

We have a local convicted paedophile in our area, who was not jailed due to his disability
We see him in the local supermarket and down the high street regularly (the supermarket ladies hate him and allegedly squash his fruit as they pack it)
I told my dcs that he was a person to avoid as he had hurt children.
We were told as children to keep away from the "odd" people in the neighbourhood- that was back in the 60s. Mind you, that included the poor man with no nose (syphillis) who ran the local sweet shop- not much chance of keeping us away from there!

I agree with thisisyesterday and wmmc we need to teach our children how to be safe, and how to protect themselves, and we need to protect them ourselves and put all measures in place to do that, importantly by empowering them with understanding of what is right and what is wrong. BUT we do not need to tell them about bad men and bad women, or that their neighbour is bad, or that someone could get them if they left my side, or that every other person they meet could harm them in some way.

I want my children to have good strong positive communication in this world, to make friends with as many people as possible to be open with people, while maintaining safe caution. They will never do this if they think the world is bad and everyone they meet is bad, they will distance themselves from people and always look over their shoulder.

Thisisyesterday But the fact is that he is a person who hurts children. He's spent time in prison for it.

I don't want my children anywhere near him even if they don't fit his perfect prey description.

I don't tell them that all our neighbours are bad or in fact that anyone else is bad, just him and his family.

If any other paedophiles in close proximity to my children come to my attention I shall happily out them to my children also.

As I said it's easy to groom someone if you say "hi" to them every day for 10 years and then invite them in on the day that they've forgotten their door key. Children forget things. By doing this my way, these people are bad and my children have no relationship to them so should they ever be invited in I'm hoping that the first thing that goes through thier head will be "these are the naughty people, we don't talk to the naughty people".

It'd be interesting to know what you'd actually do to keep your children away from a convicted offender who lived next door but one to you Yesterday, especially if to begin with your children are only 2!

And by that I don't mean I let my 2 year olds roam. Rather that people are friendly and talk to children. The crazy paedo could have established a relationship with my children before I had a chance to instill any personal safety into them.

Also, this man and his wife came into our house and introduced themselves. They constantly try to butt into our world and I have had to take steps to push them out.

By that I mean things like giving christmas presents addressed to my children, but to our cleaner who comes once a week but at a time when we were out of the country. So I returned home to find chocolates for my kids, in my house, from a convicted offender.

Not nice!
Over to you guys, am I still over reacting?

I would expect a 10yo to be able to navigate a carpark.

Easywriter - No, you're not. I would the same in that situation.

I do think people's fear of paedophiles is a reaction to the years where no one believed they existed and abused children were viewed as making it up.

FindingMyMojo wrote: "[..]but there will be a man who looks at inappropriate photos online not far a way."

Evidence? Or just a hysterical outburst?

FACT: Most children are abused by those known to them.

FACT: In UK the number of children abducted and abused and/or murdered by strangers has not changed significantly in over 45 years.

Let's get things into perspective shall we?

Well done Breton, I think it is easy to get carried away with media hysteria but we need to keep things in perspective. It is not reasonable to suspect everyone (and females can be paedophiles too) but take appropriate steps to keep children safe. It is not helpful to frighten the bejesus out of them.
I had a friend whose dds were told that all men were potentially out to kidnap & abuse them but said friend was happy for them to sit on waiters knees in Greece etc. because 'they don't have paedophiles out there'. She also didn't worry about her ds because 'boys aren't targeted by them'.

I'm not too sure about that Breton.
A PrimeTime documentary shown on RTE last month had some very worrying figures for child porn downloads on PC's across Ireland (investigation into global paedophile file sharing), also the rate of increase of child porn being circulated.

(Annoyingly I can't find or remember exactly what those figures were, which means I should probably have said nothing at all.)

With all due respect wukter, FindingMyMojo used the modal verb "will" s/he offered no conditional.

I'm also dubious about the phrase "inappropriate photos". Who decides what is an inappropriate" image?

However, I take your point on the increase in child, and indeed all, pornography in circulation.

Re: original post- the mother left her child in an unlocked car. Did it not occur to her that anyone could have opened the car door and stolen the car/ hurt her child etc.?

It depends where you are in the country. A police officer I know said that in Nottingham where he was working, one in 700 residents is a registered child sex offender and another one in 700 known to police but not convicted.

The majority offend within the family, or organised childrens clubs and schools. The type who kidnap and murder are one in 50,000.

I remember being approached by what I can only assume was a paedo in a park when I was 9.

Weirdly enough, I was in that very park today after many many years and then I came back and saw this thread.

He asked me to come into the bushes to see some kittens.

I am fairly laid back and try not to wrap kids in cotton wool but it's always in the back of my mind.

Sorry slightly off topic but...

chipping, there is a big difference between telling them that hte people are "naughty" and they must never go into their house, and telling them they hurt little children!

obv easywriter knows her own kids, but my 5 yr old would be really, really scared by that! Fear is never a good parenting skill IMO. teaching them stranger danger is far more sensible
telling them what is ok to do is much better than scaring them about what they shouldn't do... no?

proudnsad... that is scary. you didn't go with him tho... why? i am guessing because you KNEW not to go anywhere with a strange man??
that's what i'm striving for

there are risks in so many things, we can't stop our children from living their lives we can only do our best to teach them what is and isn't acceptable.

easywriter you talk about the fact your child is/was 2 when this guy appeared.... well at 2 a child isn't going to be out by itself is it? so no danger, because you'll always be there

by the time my children are old enough to walk around the streets ALONE I expect them to be old enough to know what is and isn't ok.
another thread similar to this some time ago actually had a really good idea of having a "password" for your child. so, they taught their children not to go with anyone who didn't know the password

Lynli

Wow! If that stat is true then there almost is a paedophile on every corner.

Assuming an average of about 4 per family, then that's 1 per 175 households.

If there are two sides to a street (i.e. odd and even) then that means any road with about 88 houses on each side contains a convicted offender and an unconvicted offender.

OK I'm scaring folks with stats now, must stop.

ps I'm with you easywriter

It is a bit of a predicament around here atm - there have been 4 attempted abductions in the last few weeks and we have had letters from the police to not let the dc out on their own.

I have never been one for paranoia, but .................

The irony is 'stranger' paedophiles are rare most cases the offender is well known to the family not a stranger.

The child was way more in danger of being hit by a car than for a stranger making off with her/him.

It's probably this attitude which is why men have problems being around children not theirs because no matter what they are doing the situation always 'looks' bad. It reminds me of the time i saw a child fall over across the street there happened to be a couple of guys walking past and although they stopped not one of them wanted to help the child up or even touch her they just looked at each others faces.

It's sad how men have been alienated from children due to a minority (not all of that minority are males either.)

TIS I'm not sure which one you object to.

Telling them that the people are "naughty" and they must never go into their house,
or
Telling them they hurt little children!

The former is the latter expressed in terms that a young child understands. (In our house behaviour is naughty, not people, so that makes them instantly different) and I've tagged a safety warning/order (call it what you like to it.

The latter is fact. That's why he served a prison sentence.

Telling them what is ok to do is much better than scaring them about what they shouldn't do... no?

I agree, but in this case the stakes are too high. I don't want them to have ANYTHING to do with this man at all costs. Because I usually tell them what to do rather than what not to do, it again stands out to them.

easywriter you talk about the fact your child is/was 2 when this guy appeared.... well at 2 a child isn't going to be out by itself is it? so no danger, because you'll always be there
-I assume you've read my next post meaning this explaination isn't necessary but as I said, people talk to children, neighbours talk to neighbours. My children tend to talk for England and so I wanted to ensure that there is no relationship whatsoever between my children and this convicted paedophile.

I would out a paedophile to my dc without a doubt. And want them to be scared. I agree with easy

I don't know what to do about current situation - it is weird . We have had to talk about a man in a van who wants to take children, what choice do you have?

Some of you should check out the comedy cartoon series Monkey Dust and watch the Paedofinder General!

Easywriter wrote: "Wow! If that stat is true then there almost is a paedophile on every corner."

No it doesn't. The statistic was for Nottinghman and the police officer claimed that there were 1 in 700 convicted SEX OFFENDERS in the area. It is also possible that the officer may have been incorrect!

A Sex Offender can be a 16 year old boy who's had sex with his 15 year old girl-friend! That doesn't make him a paedophile in the generally accepted definition of the term.

Some of us (and I mean you Breton) should read the thread, or even the post you are posting on.

Easywriter wrote: "Wow! If that stat is true then there almost is a paedophile on every corner."

Now call me strange but I would take "If that stat is true" to mean, we understand that it may be incorrect!

And if you look even closer to the beginning of the thread to ThisIsYesterday (post13) and my response (post15) we covered and accepted that.

I just wish you'd read before you post.
Granted though that I am using sex offender paedophile as interchangeable words which I shouldn't.

Now what is Monkey Dust and how can I watch some. That sort of humor seems just like my cup of tea.

YANBU. Does she want her kid to grow up thinking most adults are bad or good?

My mate was told to put a swimming costume on her little girl at a local paddling pool (kid was 2.5, naked) because of 'the offence it was causing and, y'know, paedophiles.' She refused and I respect her for taking a stand!

The truth is that even if there were a paedophile on every corner, this is not necessarily an argument for not letting a 10yo walk across the car park. We know the world is fairly full of rapists- but still nobody advocates keeping adult daughters locked up for their own safety. They have to take the risk- and it could be argued that the risk will be bigger the more naive and unwordlywise the young woman. Sooner or later children must start learning to be in charge of their own safety, if they are to be safe in the adult world. 10 is not too early to start practising.