to have expected more than a cd (which I do like) for my 30th birthday from my dh???

[samoa]

That is it really. I mean it was my 30th birthday!!!!!!!

Oh right. a CD, that's nice. Lovely. What was the CD???

Maybe you've got another surprise coming????

I would be furious if it was my only gift.

My DH has already started organising my 30th birthday party (im 28 in august!)

I do hope there is more to come for you!!!

Nothing more has come! my birthday was 2 days ago!
The CD was lady LADYSMITH BLACK MAMBAZO (South African). I really like the cd but it just doesn't seem to be appropriate as a 30th birthday present. When he gave it to me in the morning I was really happy and thought there would be another present in the evening. But nothing! The more I think about it the more I am getting upset!

I'd be upset too.

I turned 30 in May and DP organised time off for me with my boss (without me knowing a thing about it) and booked flights/hire car for us to go to Ireland for a week as a surprise.

When we were there he took me out for a lovely (baby free) dinner and booked me a pamper day at a spa.

YANBU....BUT - does he realise that you expected a bit more than that?

IME 30th birthdays have only become a big deal fairly recently. I had a party for mine but most of my family thought it was odd, and no one made a big fuss really.

We didn't really do much anything much when DH tured 30 (a couple of years before me) because he didn't really see what the big deal was.

I think for lots of people 40 is seen as the first 'biggie'

I'd be upset. I got a beautiful pink sapphire and diamond eternity ring.

This was pre children so we had more money to spare though.

I am jealous.

I turned 30 in feb and did and got sod all. Very jealous of those of you having parties.

Oh stop being so ungrateful!

i would be annoyed too with that. even a nice bottle of perfume or something would have been good.

I just had my b'day, not a year ending in 0, I got about 5 CDs, a KAth Kidson dressing gown, some books and some DVDs. But I do make it very plain what I expect (and as my DH knows how to get CDs very cheap he knows I would be at one CD). We did also go out for dinner.

We always use birthdays, wedding anniversary, etc. as excuses to go out or at least buy a M&S meal for 2 (when we're broke).

A friend of mine when they were broke got a handmade check book full of promises.

I would whinge, but then I am very good at expressing myself.

He knew that it was a big deal for me, I had been going on about it for months! We did o out for dinner in the evening but he was stressed and tired and did not seem to be enjoying himself. I don't know, I just feel a little disappointed by it .

I've been there, and I was as upset as you are. Though I've just seen that you went out for dinner too - I spent the evening driving round looking for a chinese that was open to get a takeaway.

We've discussed it since, though I'm not sure that was a good idea as I now feel the discussion will be in the background at next year's birthday.

To mitigate sounding like a spoilt brat, we generally do much more than this for Birthdays, and normally I organise a weekend away for his birthday. Just seemed that 30 was the one where he managed to make the least effort, while 30 was the one when I had (misguided) expectations of a bit more effort than usual.

My advice would be to accept that you feel sad, not mention it, and hope for better next year

Blimey! I think a cd is a non present tbh as it is something that I would buy myself on the spur of the moment (well before downloads anyway). Dh has bought me cd's in the past not as a 'present' as such. If he was in going in town I would ask him to pick one up for me if I wanted something new.

If money wasn't a huge issue I would be a bit deflated with a cd for ANY birthday never mind a 30th. I know I sound ungrateful but that's how I would feel. If money is a bit tight at the moment (believe me I've been there) maybe that's the best he could afford.

He knows exactly what I expect, and it was not a cd. Even his sisters, who just live round the corner, didn't even buy me a present. I always buy them birthday presents. It just seems to be a bit thoughtless. I mean I have turned 30 and have become a mum, I just wanted to feel special.

I took DH to Hawaii for his 30th so I am expecting something good for mine although Hawaii was before DC's so we no way have the money to do that again

I have not mentioned my disappointment to my dh. In fact I thanked hime for a great birthday . As far as I know we do not have any money probs.

I know it sounds like I am a spoiled brat but I don't think I ABU in wanting to feel special on m birthday. especially since i am not feeling that great at the moment

We don't spend much on birthdays, as money is tight. The trade-off of being a SAHM is a smaller budget to work within. But DH & I tend to keep it under £20 to £25 for a gift. And then we usually plan a nice meal that the birthday person chooses and the non-birthday person cooks. LOL (always seems to be DH making a lovely curry for my birthday as he makes wonderful curry, and me making lasagna for his birthday) We're perfectly happy putting the kids to bed, having a nice meal, maybe some wine, and relaxing together with a good DVD. So I'd be perfectly happy with a CD for my birthday - well, provided it was one I liked.

I think it depends on what your normal "birthday fare" in your household is.

Depends on finances imo. If you are mega skint then accept & say thank you. End of.

If that isn't the case then tbh I would be really pissed off. Even if it wasn't a big birthday I would be cross with just a cd.

I would have one of those "I" conversations.
"When I just got a CD for my birthday, I felt unloved."
"I wonder if I am still as valued now we have kids."
"Turning 30 has made me feel old. I was hoping for some reassurance."
"I feel sad seems to want to celebrate my birthday."

Actually a CD is just the kind of presents my kids buy me.

My friend's 'D'H bought her some tealights from Asda for her recent 30th. Mine is coming up and as my DH has 'form' I'm looking daily on ebay for a diamond ring for myself. I will buy it, tell him how much it cost and proudly show off what my lovely DH bought me for my 30th! I'm not having it be a story of crap DH presents forever more... (tealights indeed)

YANBU btw.

What would you normally do for each other's birthdays? Would he think a CD is perfectly reasonable?

Could he have tried to plan something else that didn't work out and he's waiting for it to come good?

FWIW, if my dh gave me a CD for my 30th, I'd have been pretty disappointed (but we're pre-kids so tend to 'blow out').

for birthdays we normally get more than a cd. but for one of my birthdays he brought me a north face backpack from thailand . I made it pretty clear to him that I did not find this to be an acceptable birthday gift.

His family are a bit strange with gifts. For example his sister gave me dried dates for christmas . I had never expresseed interest in dried dates and don't even like them! his mother gave me a pot of jam for a birthday, a jam that I don't even like! now, i would not be complaining if she had bothered to find out what type of jam i like to give me a jam that I acttually liked. It just strikes me as very strange. I mean even if ur going to buy ppl small gifts you can put some thought into it! and none of them have any money issues.

sorry about the rant!

Now the thing is Samoa if my DH got me a TNF backpack I would be over the moon!!!(the clue is in my user name)

DH's mum once got me an ornament. I can't think what they are called but they are white pots and vase edged with gold.
She knew that I had NO ornament whatsoever and I didn't really like ornaments but came out with the line 'I know you don't like ornaments but I got you this!!'

I could barely manage a 'Thank you!'

YANBU. It sounds like presents aren't his thing though if you've had some iffy ones before too.

I think you should arrange a few of your girlfriends to have a really good night out/spa day somewhere nice(maybe stay a night somewhere) and tell him that they organised a surprise for your birthday.

Hopefully he'd get the hint that it WAS a special event and maybe a night without you would help him focus his attention.You would also have something good to remember for your 30th rather than just the memory of a rather thoughtless gift.

I love hearing about other peoples crap presents!