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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to keep DS in our bedroom?

64 replies

Pavlov · 15/07/2010 21:31

So many people I speak to are surprised that
a) bear cub aged 7.5 months is still in with us and
b) we have not got any great plans to move him anytime soon

We really like him in with us. Up until recently he has been waking lots, and he is breastfed so it had made sense to have him in with us. He comes in with us early for cuddles and a doze, and now he is sleeping better, not all through, but much better and it is nice. I like waking to hear his slight snoring (unlike DHs nightmare snoring ). DH likes it too now he is sleeping better.

So many people keep saying 'oh he will sleep better if he is in his own room' why? I can't see that he will be any less hungry in his own room and I will hear him grumbling just as much through a baby monitor, but have further to go.

We toyed with the idea, and have said we will get his room sorted converted from the junk room that it is now and set up the travel cot for naps, get him used to it, so we can think about it soon, but really, is there a rush?

OP posts:
WoTmania · 15/07/2010 21:33

YANBU - DD (DC3) is still in bed with us. She's 16 months she also feeds through the night so I have no plans to move her out of our bed, let alone room.

cheesesarnie · 15/07/2010 21:34

yanbu.if it works for all of you then keep it up!dc3 was in with us for a year-it stopped working so he went into his own room and slept better but i loved that year!
i miss that and think your very lucky!

fernie3 · 15/07/2010 21:34

we have kept each of ours in with us until about 12 months, its up to you. YANBU to want to keep him in your room.

EvilTwins · 15/07/2010 21:34

Do what works for you and ignore anyone else. Your baby, your life, your way of doing things.

ifiwereamillionaire · 15/07/2010 21:35

YANBU

I don't see the problem as long as you are all happy with the situation.

I kept ds, (same issues as yourself) in our room until he was 10mo.

DD stayed until 12mo.

We moved them out when we felt they were being disturbed by our moving/snoring and I had reduced night feeds.

lolapoppins · 15/07/2010 21:37

Ds was in with us until he was three (in a side cot until he was one as he had to have a breathing monitor pad, but in our bed thereafter).

We are both lazy sods though, it was so much easier not to have to get up in the night if he woke up, we could just move a bit nearer to him and he'd cuddle up and go back to sleep.

If you like him being in your room, and it's easier for you, keep him there. Ds wanted to go his own bedroom at 3, (but still slept with us the odd night until he was at least 5) it was never a massive problem getting him used to sleeping on his own.

MathsMadMummy · 15/07/2010 21:37

YANBU at all. it's not that far over the guidelines of 6m and IIRC that's a 'minimum' anyway (much like the BFing minimum of 6m) rather than a maximum. apart from anything else there's still a SIDS risk, it doesn't suddenly stop at 6m.

DD was in our room until just before her 1st birthday, because we were too lazy to sort out her room . then we moved house and she went straight to her own room without any problem. IMHO, it's because she spent longer so near us that she was so secure. and with her there was no element of night-feeding convenience as she slept through from very young.

DS is 10m and I feel more protective of him somehow (checking him more etc) and I have no intention of moving him yet. Plus DD's room is too small!

so no, YANBU, no rush whatsoever. you only get this time once, keep him close and enjoy it I reckon

Original poster
Pavlov · 15/07/2010 21:41

cheese i think we are. With DD, she was more unsettled, and while we loved her in with us, she and I seemed to disturb each other and she did not settle easily with me so close to her. she wanted me too often to comfort feed her, every time i moved she woke, so we moved her at around, well around now i guess and she settled, but i missed her. For a while last year while we had building work we had her in with us again and it was nice, although she wakes too early!

But with bear cub, his wakings do appear more to be due to hunger, sometimes he wakes for other reasons, but we are working on that (have probably just murried myself for tonight now ).

I am lying here in bed tapping away, his cot next to me, and I can see his outline.

Personally, if I had a bigger bedroom, and DD woke a bit later with us near, i would love to have them both in with us. DD has a sofa bed in her bedroom, and sometimes DS and I will go up there and sleep on it, for a 'sleepover', or friends might stay and we all sleep up with her and friends have our room, and it is lovely. I don't like her being in her own room while we are all in here.

OP posts:
euphrosyne · 15/07/2010 21:46

YANBU It works for you, so fine!

DS (8.5 months) still in our room and will be for a while as our flat is one bedroom

Original poster
Pavlov · 15/07/2010 21:46

maths i feel just like that with bear cub! I have often wondered why. DD seemed/seems stronger than him, not physically, not even emotionally, just, oh i don't even know, tried to explain to DH and he has no clue, more vulnerable perhaps? I have felt like this since he was born. Not that I did not feel anything but fierce protection for DD, or no longer do. It is more wanting to hold him close and not let the world get to him kind of protection.

I definitely feel he will stay here for a while yet, least of all for the same reasons as some you, not getting around to sorting bedroom out. He slept in with us for a couple of months til we got his cot set up as he outgrew his basket, and hated it anyway, so mostly slept with us even then

OP posts:
MathsMadMummy · 15/07/2010 21:53

I think it's the BFing that made the difference. it's definitely not size as DS was massive

DD was mix fed from birth and could only BF with nipple shields, whereas DS was EBF without shields so I think there's literally a more physical connection, more BF hormones etc.

DS sleeps through usually (although goes to bed late - he's dozing off on me now!) but I just don't see the need to move him!

WoTmania · 15/07/2010 21:55

And the DC who slept worst was DS1 who went into his own room at 6 months. He frequently ended up back in our bed in the early hours. With the other two I just slept through nursings.

hairytriangle · 15/07/2010 21:57

Yanbu. it's entirely your choice, ignore the nay sayers and nosy parkers!

otchayaniye · 15/07/2010 21:57

You have a bear cub in your room?

Original poster
Pavlov · 15/07/2010 21:58

that is his name. bear cub or Roo.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pavlov · 15/07/2010 22:02

there just seems to be this culture, this pressure to do everything so fast. It was like that with DD, and we sort of got swept along, must be on solids by this date, this food by this date, stop bf by this date, in her room by this time, sleeping through by x time, blah blah. Now i am like, hey woooooah! slow this right down, lets take our sweet time here. What is the rush with him sleeping 12 hours straight I would be happy with 5 hours between midnight/1am and 5/6am, the rest he will do when he is ready. There is no rush with his weaning, he is loving his food and wanting to eat chunks of food himself, but he decides, no rush. Same with moving. Except he is crawling already. Stop Cub!

OP posts:
otchayaniye · 15/07/2010 22:04

sorry, YABU for that nauseating nickname alone.

I've never had anyone say anything much to me about my now-20 month old demand fed daughter, who has never been in a cot in her life.

But then I'm an old curmudgeon with next to no family and she was born abroad, and I; a) don't really talk about it b) don't listen anyway c) know I'm doing the best thing for my child. Or should that be 'sproglet', or 'bean'?

Original poster
Pavlov · 15/07/2010 22:06

you are joking of course. He is my bear cub. Or Roo. I can and shall call him as I please. Thanks.

OP posts:
otchayaniye · 15/07/2010 22:09

I'm with you in spirit though. Too much fuss made about a broken night's sleep. Too much emphasis on getting them to self settle. Or weaned. Or potty trained.

I also weaned (self-feeding style) at 7 months. I suppose some of your people would take issue with that. She was reaching for stuff at 4 months AND never approached anything like sleeping through (still doesn't) but didn't prompt us to wean.

otchayaniye · 15/07/2010 22:10

Save the cheesy nicknames though. I wouldn't dream of letting on what ridiculous, whimsical ones I have for mine.

Original poster
Pavlov · 15/07/2010 22:12

oh i don't care who knows what his nickname is, better than posting his real name and DS just too impersonal for my bundle of sleeping boy.

OP posts:
otchayaniye · 15/07/2010 22:12

voms

Original poster
Pavlov · 15/07/2010 22:14
OP posts:
moaningminniewhingesagain · 15/07/2010 22:15

YANBU, he's only little yet. DD was in with us til 15m because her room was still not sorted!

DS moved out into her room (only got 2 bedrooms)at 14m but came back after a couple of weeks, he's 18months and still BF here too, some nights he has a feed overnight, most nights he's in with me for part of the night.

I think he would sleep better, and so would I TBH, in a room of his own, but there isn't one. And DD does bizarre shouting and groaning in the night which would wake him (wakes me, but not him at the moment)

katiepotatie · 15/07/2010 22:15

YANBU - DD in own room at 7 months, DS moved in with her at 10 months, and the only reason was I was going back to work and would end up waking him very early getting up and ready