to want to keep DS in our bedroom?

[Pavlov]

So many people I speak to are surprised that
a) bear cub aged 7.5 months is still in with us and
b) we have not got any great plans to move him anytime soon

We really like him in with us. Up until recently he has been waking lots, and he is breastfed so it had made sense to have him in with us. He comes in with us early for cuddles and a doze, and now he is sleeping better, not all through, but much better and it is nice. I like waking to hear his slight snoring (unlike DHs nightmare snoring ). DH likes it too now he is sleeping better.

So many people keep saying 'oh he will sleep better if he is in his own room' why? I can't see that he will be any less hungry in his own room and I will hear him grumbling just as much through a baby monitor, but have further to go.

We toyed with the idea, and have said we will get his room sorted converted from the junk room that it is now and set up the travel cot for naps, get him used to it, so we can think about it soon, but really, is there a rush?

You do whatever you like.
It outrages me that people think they have the right to comment on your lifechoices.

• don't mean MN as opinions were asked for - but the eegits who commented to the OP.

baronness good for you! good point about the cats, although ours are now banned on account of the female constantly meowing in the middle of the night if I need to go to DS and stopping him from sleeping as he wants to play with her! . We are doing the same, getting his room ready, then when he is ready, we can just start it, and it gives us more space, and he will start to have his naps in there soon (ish) to get him used to it being his room. Otherwise when he does eventually go in there it is not some strange room we are dumping him in. Like him sleeping in his moses basket, he preferred mama for a long long time, and why not, it is what he knows.

debs I think it was in part trying to be supportive, like, if you want to stop at 3 months, that is ok, and in part him attempting to feel like he had some involvement in the decisions made. He knew in reality I would continue to feed, and that if I didn't want to at any point it would be completely my own decision. It happened with DD. He wanted me to stop feeding her at 6 months, so he could have some 'involvement' all in the name of freeing me up a bit so I was not so tied to her, and he could help, but I fed til 10 months, and only stopped as she decided she did not want it any more. He sort of said the same this time, knowing I would just go 'uhuh'! and also he is able to settle him, get him to sleep etc much better than with DD, so he has the involvement even though I feed him. Its all just about these 'markers' that make him and me feel like we have to do things a certain way to feel we are 'good' parents.

I am more confident this time around that I know what I am doing, mostly, and that I will not damage my children by doing xyz instead of abc, in fact it is quite liberating for us, and therefore must be for the children too in a way (a more relaxed family environment).

We co-slept with my daughter until she was 2. Dont see a problem with it and it didnt affect our sex lives or anything. Will probably do it with the next one to.

sunny sex life? wassat?

YANBU for you.

However that wouldn't have worked for us in a million years. All 3 of my kids definitely slept better in their own rooms.

I may be wrong - but you may find that your attitude towards your baby sleeping in with you is borderline evangelical and maybe a bit dismissive of those people who choose not to share a room. This may well be why people feel the need to justify their own choices. Each to their own of course.

Just a thought?

evangelical? wtf? I don't spout on about my own views on sharing a room. It is others who do this. You say they might be defending their position, but this is an example of how the conversation might go...

'is bear cub sleeping through the night yet?'
'no, not yet'
'have you tried giving him a bottle at night'
'yes, but it makes no difference, happy to bf him tbh'
'is he in his own room yet?' (sometimes this becomes a discussion/persuasion all of its own!)
'not yet, still in with us'
'oooooh is he ? , have you thought about moving him'
'not yet, we are happy with him in with us'
'xx moved in with us, and he started sleeping through within a few weeks, you really should do it soon'
'yes, we are thinking about it, but not ready yet'
'well, you are making a rod for you own back'.

See, the conversation tends to be started by other parents, so not sure where the 'evangelical' comes from.

and on the dismissive attitude, I have two children now, and know full well the pressures put on people to do things, having now experienced it twice, I would not dream of imposing my own opinions on others. I make my own decisions, I state them with confidence now, but my friends are free to do things their way, for their children.

You are being so very defensive about this, I think I may have touched a nerve.

It's really no big deal and truly no odds to me. Clearly your approach works for you, and that's great.

I think you are dismissive (by default) of other approaches. Parenting is such a minefield at the best of times, you'll never please all the people all the time. Don't sweat the small stuff, it's really not worth it.

Sometimes advice is well meant but ill-conceived. As long as you are happy with your choices, there is no need to worry about the next person. Smile and nod.

Smile and Nod

Keep him close while you can DS1 (6) has stopped coming in to snuggle up now, has other things to do. DS2 is only 4 months but I intend to keep him close until he shows me he wants a change.

I like what your saying Morloth.

It happens too soon.
You gotta grab every kiss, hug and opportunity to look at your sleeping angel that you can!

oh yes! We love having DS in with us and he is nearly 3. He has only been in his own room a few months and very happy to do so - but also happy to be with us. I had the making a rod line - but he was the easiest in the world to get into his own bed and room. But we do miss him Just sometimes we get a bit squished but it's nice. He never slept in his cot either, we sold it all brand new lol. I am not having anymore but if I did I would't even buy a cot - just a bigger bed

YABU because how can your DS be 7.5 mo? He was only born a fortnight ago wasn't he?

Nah- keep him there as long as you want!

My DS still wanders into my bed nearly every night and he's 3. I got more stressed over the whole issue every few months by everyone kept telling me he SHOULD be in his own room. We're good now.

captainnancy i know, i think that myself all the time. I went back to work yesterday, for a 'keeping in touch day' and start properly back in Aug. He is sat on the front room floor, back very straight, after crawling over to a toy to pick it up, now playing with it, dropping it, leaning forward to pick it up, dropping it again. It seems only a few weeks ago I was posting about him taking his sweet time arriving . I do wish it would slow down a little, it goes too fast.

Last night, I was especially glad he in with us. He is either teething, or refusing to sleep as he has just learnt to pull himself up in his cot (and on everything else too) so did not want to sleep. He only wanted to be with me, so after a while of up and down, he was in with me. That would have been worse to handle if he was in his own room.