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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want to keep DS in our bedroom?

64 replies

Pavlov · 15/07/2010 21:31

So many people I speak to are surprised that
a) bear cub aged 7.5 months is still in with us and
b) we have not got any great plans to move him anytime soon

We really like him in with us. Up until recently he has been waking lots, and he is breastfed so it had made sense to have him in with us. He comes in with us early for cuddles and a doze, and now he is sleeping better, not all through, but much better and it is nice. I like waking to hear his slight snoring (unlike DHs nightmare snoring ). DH likes it too now he is sleeping better.

So many people keep saying 'oh he will sleep better if he is in his own room' why? I can't see that he will be any less hungry in his own room and I will hear him grumbling just as much through a baby monitor, but have further to go.

We toyed with the idea, and have said we will get his room sorted converted from the junk room that it is now and set up the travel cot for naps, get him used to it, so we can think about it soon, but really, is there a rush?

OP posts:

Original poster

Pavlov · 15/07/2010 22:16

he is called Roo, Roo-Roo, Cub, Bear Cub, Wiggle-Bum (that is DDs name for him), Rooster, Rude-Boy (i dislike that, but the person who calls him that does so to wind me up so i let it pass with no comment ).

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Original poster

Pavlov · 15/07/2010 22:19

Oh yes, DD does weird moaning, shouting in her sleep. when i sleep in the same room as her she wakes me lots with this complaining, i sometimes tell her to go back to sleep til she yells at me, then i know she is talking in her sleep. Not good when camping. People thinking i am torturing her as she gets shouty if I try to quieten her down!

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expatinscotland · 15/07/2010 22:20

all ours stayed in our room until they were about 3.

Debs75 · 15/07/2010 22:23

Pavlov Lovely nickname and to be honest all the ds's and dd's gets too much.

I put my 2 eldest dc's(sorry) in their own rooms when they were about 9ish months old. Ds did come back in with me when he was 18 months old as we moved and there was no room.
DC3, or poppet is 22 months old and is still in our room, and often our bed. In september there will be dc4 in there as well unless we move.

I totally agree with you that all the 'guidelines' turn into a race to achieve. Poppet still bf's at 22 months, is fed to sleep and grazes instead of set amount of jars a day. She is a happy child who is now sleeping through, has a hugely varied diet and lovely.

Do things at your own pace ignore the others.

SomeGuy · 15/07/2010 22:25

ick on the nicknames

PatsyStone · 15/07/2010 22:26

Yanbu. I loved having mine in with me way over the six month mark. If it works for you, I wouldn't take any notice of what anyone else thinks you ought to be doing. I still miss dd at night and she is almost 3.

I also agree with you that there is this desperate rush in our culture to force our babies to grow up too fast. It isn't a race and sleeping through or weaning is no indicator of a child's intelligence or someone's ability as a parent.

LadyintheRadiator · 15/07/2010 22:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Pavlov · 16/07/2010 19:44

I had another chat with DH, as he was making noises about moving, and I said i would be happy if we kept things as they are for now. He said, lets give it another month and see how it is then. 'Sure' i said 'good idea' knowing he said this about breastfeeding 'lets talk at 3 months see how you are getting on' hehe, not intending to give that up any time soon either

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curlyredhead · 16/07/2010 19:48

Nah, not UR as far as I'm concerned. My two-year-old twins are still sharing our bed every night, so the thought of turfing one 7.5 month old from your bedroom seems completely alien. And, you know, your baby and all that.

WowOoo · 16/07/2010 19:52

NOt at all.

My 13 month old is still in the room with me (dh gone to spare room).

Basically as long as I'm feeding him he stays near me.

most of my friends seem to think it's quite normal that he's still in with me.

Original poster

Pavlov · 16/07/2010 19:53

curly do have a big bed then? I am not great with DS in with me all night, he wiggles and figits and wants more boob when he is close and I can't get comfy while he feeds (never been able to get my arm comfy for some reason, what do you do with it!) and also found our bed seemed very small ! But we did it for a couple of months, and he comes in with us when he wakes somewhere between 5-6am.

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Original poster

Pavlov · 16/07/2010 19:58

wow its funny, but although I see this as perfectly normal, (i mean, i spent the first few sleepless months with him in with me, waking me every hour, why move him when he is now sleeping well, seems daft to me, especially as it is likely to unsettle him all over again) most of my friends seem to have been desperate to get their children into rooms asap, ranging from 3 months through to 7 months latest. I think is the longest. Even DD who went in earlier than DS will was longer than that! Although my BIL's children are still in with them and they are 7 and 3.5, they have their own room but are just not interested (they do have an enormous bedroom though, and their eldest shared with them both until the youngest was born, then moved into a bed next to them)

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ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 16/07/2010 19:59

pavlov my DD is "baby bear", or if she is grizzling, "grizzly bear"

I'm a bit worried though, as one of the milestones is responding to her name - she's not going to know her name

Original poster

Pavlov · 16/07/2010 20:00

I should add that my own siblings all had their own children into their rooms asap, and my BIL is married to a chinese woman, and has raised his children predominantly in the chinese culture so I presumed this to be a cultural thing as they are the only ones I know who have done this. I really like the idea of it myself.

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Original poster

Pavlov · 16/07/2010 20:03

itsallgoingtobefine don't worry, DD had a million nicknames, and even now her 'normal' name is an abbreviation of her name. And She gets it. She knows her name is xxxxx, and says this when asked what her name is to someone she does not know. But when talking to us, for example if we ask her to do something, she says 'what me? xxx? and calls herself by her shortened name. She also responds to all her nicknames too, which she still has at 4!

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curlyredhead · 16/07/2010 20:03

Yes DD1 was a cosleeper too, so we bought a superking when she was about 6 months old, just had the mattress on the floor for a while. Came in very handy when we needed room for four in there - and sometimes five if she has a bad dream.

Easywriter · 16/07/2010 20:05

Pavlov - Do what you need to do.

With DD's we had lots of uncomfortable nights as we couldn't settle them in their cots so all four of us ended up in bed together with DP and I v. uncomfortable.

With DD3 we set our stall out as we knew she would be BF (I was determined because it didn't work out before and screwed me up a bit) and so we decided to co-sleep.

We loved it, it worked for us.
In fact when I finally stopped BF DD3 I slept in the spare room as we all enjoyed co-sleeping so much.

DD3 is now 2.9 years and still co-sleeps.
I know that probably sounds appalling and I asure you we're not dippy hippy types (or whoever you associate with co-sleeping).
DD3 is happy and confident. None of us could imagine being apart. Sometimes she sleeps in one of her sisters beds or all three of them sleep in the same room.

We're going to continue for as long as it works. In fact I think DP and I will move out and leave DD3 in the room she's in now.

Nobody who knows us think it's strange (or that we are), it's just progressed into what it is now. In fact a friend who's just had a baby is in with her newborn DD in what will be DD's room and when the time is right they will move out as it seems the easier way to do it.

We bagan with her being in with us as with older DD's they cried unless they were with us and we couldn't get them both down w

Easywriter · 16/07/2010 20:07

That sounds a bit weird. I meant to say that I moved back in with DD3 and DP when DD3 got used to not being BF.

AnathemaDevice · 16/07/2010 20:09

DS is still in with us at 15 months- we've decorated his bedroom, but there's still a few things in there that need sorting out before he can move in there. We've been saying 'we'll move him this weekend' for about the last 2 months.

I like having him in my room, I like being able to put my hand in the cot and hold his hand if he whimpers in his sleep, I like listening to him snore. If he's still in with us when he's 15, then I'll worry!

Original poster

Pavlov · 16/07/2010 20:10

easywriter not appalling at all, lovely in fact. Things evolve and I get a bit annoyed with people presuming we have to follow things a certain way tbh, like we must have our children in their own beds, in their own bedrooms by this time or...or what? Or they won't leave til they leave home? I can't see DS being in with us when he is 17-18 so no harm. Same with bf'ing, not feeding a 13 year old, why stop at 6months? And weaning - how many adults do you know who eat puree, or only drink milk from a bottle? or have a dummy? (neither children have dummies, but DD has only just stopped having a bottle at night, and she chose that, so no fights).

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Original poster

Pavlov · 16/07/2010 20:11

(DD stopped having a bottle at night = before bed, not during the night)

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mathanxiety · 16/07/2010 20:17

Pavlov, I agree with your comment about the silliness of the calendar-centered approach to babycare, and all the 'shoulds'. The push to early 'independence', self-settling, etc., is rooted in fear, imo.

Schulte · 16/07/2010 20:22

Pavlov I'm totally with you. We moved DD1 to her own room at only 3 1/2 months old - but with DD2 I just didn't want to let her go so she stayed in with us until she was nearly a year old. Now they share a room just opposite ours and the doors are wide open and I can hear them both breathe and shuffle in their sleep. It's lovely. Sometimes I wish they could both cuddle up with me (but then there wouldn't be any space for DH). It's how it's meant to be no?

Debs75 · 16/07/2010 23:05

Easywriter Your situation sounds really nice.
So many people seem to think they need their own room and to stay there all night but I think it is the parents wanting their own space back.

Pavlov keep him with you as long as you like. As for breastfeeding why should your dh need to have a talk with you about it? As long as you are producing milk and are happy to continue then unfortunately he doesn't have a say. IMO that is.
Dp didn't want me feeding dc2 as he wanted to give him a feed. My milk never really got going so I stopped within a month, DP gave him 1 bottle. When he suggested not feeing dc3 I laughed at him and told him I would see how it went, still feeding her at 22 months

BaronessBomburst · 17/07/2010 00:01

I'm finding this all really interesting. DS is now 5 months and we've spent the last week doing up his room as it's 'about time' we moved him - yet neither of us wants too. We LIKE having him in with us. The cat sleeps in with us, so why not OUR SON?!

So now it's decided, have spoken to DH, we'll continue doing up DS's room but until we've reason to move him, he stays put!

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