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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that you should not ask when the baby is due unless you are 100% sure that the woman is pregnant?

60 replies

poshsinglemum · 15/07/2010 20:03

I am not pregnant. I do have a round post pregnancy tummy but by no means a huge tummy. I'm a healthy size 14, not fat but with lovely curves. My tummy has always been rounded but more so post dd.
Two customers in the past two months at work have asked me when the baby is due. Grrr. I refuse to feel fat.
I never ask unless a woman has an obvious bump and is quite definately up the duff. Both womem who asked me were fairly old and only one was mortified. Grrrr.
Mabe it's because sometimes I wear empire lines to disguise flab rounded tum.

OP posts:
hairytriangle · 15/07/2010 20:05

oh my goodness, you are SO not being unreasonable!

Original poster
poshsinglemum · 15/07/2010 20:06

If I see a woman who may or may not have a pregnancy tummy I never comment in case I get it wrong. I only comment when woman has a HUGE bump.

OP posts:
Maisiethemorningsidecat · 15/07/2010 20:06

Agree. A neighbour asked me this 6 weeks after I'd had DS1 - I was not happy!

IMoveTheStars · 15/07/2010 20:07

OP, same here. Several people asked me when I was due when I went back to work after maternity leave...

wankers.

AgentZigzag · 15/07/2010 20:07

A friend I knew a while ago had a badge that said 'I'm not pregnant, I'm fat' I wasn't sure whether to laugh or not

Original poster
poshsinglemum · 15/07/2010 20:08

It's very bitchy and thoughtless imo.

OP posts:
Ladyanonymous · 15/07/2010 20:09

I do this all the time - I really should learn

ramblingmum · 15/07/2010 20:10

I agree , I did once ask one of the nurses at work. Normally I wouldn't but I thought I had heard that she was expecting. I turned out that she was going to be a grandmother. All I could think of to say was that she looked to young to be a grandmother. I dont know if this made up for it.

traceybath · 15/07/2010 20:11

Are you wearing empire lines? As I think to lots of people they equal maternity clothes?

No excuse though but I doubt they meant it nastily.

There is a mum at school who I'm sure is pregnant but keep waiting for her to mention it first as fear putting my foot in it.

OTTMummA · 15/07/2010 20:11

It is thoughtless, but im sure 99% of people are not being mean about it.

a man got up for me on the subway because i look so pregnant, i was so suprised/ashamed i actually sat down ( in a pregnant way ) and held my belly for a while DH didn't know what the hell was going on lol.

ramblingmum · 15/07/2010 20:12

I did have to laugh when one woman asked me. dd2 was under my coat in a sling.

traceybath · 15/07/2010 20:12

LOL at OTT - I'd have done the same

mrspir8 · 15/07/2010 20:14

On my hen weekend, my one of my friends was actually about 6 months pregnant, my best friend and myself are both curvy girls. The three of us walked into a shop, got chatting as you do, and the lady behind the counter remarked "and you are all pregnant at the same time..how lovely for you"

BITCH- i was down to my pre wedding weight as well and feeling damn happy with myself!

double whammy!

indochichi · 15/07/2010 20:18

I HAVE done the same as OTT

BecauseImALondoner · 15/07/2010 20:21

I gave birth to a 12 pounder a few months ago and she has completely wrecked my abdominal muscles - to the extent that I have been asked twice in the last few weeks when I am due...

SloanyPony · 15/07/2010 20:34

People really should wait till they see the head crowning before they can be confident enough to ask!

moondog · 15/07/2010 20:37

It is thoughtless but i would also see it as a real wake up call to sort my weight out.

Ladyanonymous · 15/07/2010 20:39

I was asked once - and I am really skinny (5"7 and a size 8) but was wearing a top with a tie thing under the bust which tied at the back.

I never wore it again .

indochichi · 15/07/2010 20:41

think it can be more a shape thing than a weight thing tbh

Even when a size 8, my stomach stuck out. I have a curved spine and carry weight on my tits and tummy and have skinny legs and arms.

Original poster
poshsinglemum · 15/07/2010 20:43

I don't think that size 14 is overwieght tbh moondog. I like my big tits, big arse and I have a waist. I'm an hourglass. I love my body even if it is considered ''fat'' by some. I just don't feel feminine when I'm really skinny. I have been size 8 before and it was ok but I didn't hve fun.My tummy has always been an outy rather than an inny and I hate sit ups. I'd rather have a tummy than do sit ups.
I think society is unrealistic in it's expectation for us women to have washboard abs. Having said that my ex flat mate had washboard abs and she put it down to the slendertone belt. She was a very fit, active lady but the only thing that sorted her abs out was the slendertone belt. My mum gave me hers and I might use it more often. I also had a c-section meaning a slight overhang is a problem.

OP posts:
Ballpoint · 15/07/2010 20:55

YANBU at all, in any way, shape or form. If people want to be friendly they can smile, mention the weather we're having or complain about queues or whatever but do not, unless she is in Mothercare buying booties with an obvious 9 month bump, ask any woman "when it's due?".

Beegey · 15/07/2010 21:03

Grrr, makes me so cross. I was asked in shops last December when my baby was due and I replied ' last June'. Eejits. I wasn't that fat...

I also think it is incredibly rude and makes a girl feel really crap when they may feel a bit self conscious of a little rounded tummy anyway...

People shouldn't say anything unless the kid is basically hanging out

Humph. Eejits.

faddle · 15/07/2010 21:03

I said this to someone once at a midwife drop in. The baby had been still born. How I wished the floor would open and swallow me up after that one.
These days, I only ask if a woman is obviously pregnant, clearly wearing maternity clothing, patting her stomach, waddling and carrying round hand held maternity notes.

lovechoc · 15/07/2010 21:13

size 14 is not fat! it's a healthy weight to be.

fatoftheland · 15/07/2010 21:18

I have had this said to me when my baby was 2 weeks old, so forgiveable but she was still mortified.

My boyf did this recently. He was at a party and saw someone he knew, his friends had told him ages ago that she was pregnant. He went up to her and said 'how much longer' whilst rubbing her belly! She had had the baby months before.

Poor bloke still feels embarrassed about it now and he is under strict instructions to not touch womens bellys!!!