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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

letting a 3mo cry

69 replies

5MoreMinutesPlease · 15/07/2010 15:31

went to see a cranial osteopath today who told me when my sons colic gets awful in the evening, to place him on his tummy and leave him on his own on his tummy for 20 minutes with the door shut to cry. she said crying is good for his wind and i'm doing him no favours picking him up.

this just seems wrong to me. i don't know what else to do and have made an appt with another osteopath but i don't think i can do what she says. whats the consensus on here?
i'm at breaking point, want to walk out the door and not come back but this just seems wrong.
or is it just me???

OP posts:

ReasonableDoubt · 15/07/2010 15:35

I wouldnt leave a three month old baby (especially one in pain) to cry for twenty minutes. That seems very wrong to me.

Get a second opinion.

What is he like in the evenings? Is their a pattern? How long does it last? Does 6anything^ work? Could he have reflux? Sorry for so many questions! just trying to work out if there is any strategy you might not have thought of.

Big sympathies, btw. My first child was very colicky for the first 4 months of his life, but it did ease eventually (I know that's no help for you right now). x

ReasonableDoubt · 15/07/2010 15:36

there not 'their' before the MN pedants jump on me!

DrivenToDistraction · 15/07/2010 15:38

YANBU not to follow this insane advice. No way would I ever:

A, leave a 3 month old unattended on his tummy
B, leave a 3 month old to cry for 20 minutes

I hope you find something that helps him soon, for both your sakes.

Original poster

5MoreMinutesPlease · 15/07/2010 15:38

getting checked for reflux next week. hv sceptical. its all afternoon, evening and til 11 o clock at night.
it's just constant but i thought what she said didn't seem right. nothing helps. tried infacol, gripe water and now on colief.
he tenses up, squeals and screams, kicks, won't feed for very long and just is in agony.

OP posts:

pjmama · 15/07/2010 15:40

No idea if the advice on putting him on his tummy and letting him cry is correct or not for relieving colic (although I've never heard that before), but even if it is what possible advantage is there in also walking away and shutting the door?! That doesn't make any sense unless it's the CO's way of advising you to get some time out from the stress somehow? Either way, I wouldn't be able to do it.

porcamiseria · 15/07/2010 15:40

hey just to say THIS WILL PASS

I think so many people have been there, its tough

I remeber leaving him in cot screaming and I went to bottom end of the garden and had a fag and a large wine, desperate measures!

Its likely colic, wind him, dont feed him more/again and get some infacol

also this cranial osteo , I dunno. I would not leave them on their tummy to cry. I;d try and handle the colic and this will pass

trust your judgement on this

mnistooaddictive · 15/07/2010 15:40

You have my sympathy you are in a horrible position and it must be awful for you. \she has told you to do something you feel really unconfortable about and you don't know what to do for the best. You will get all points of view on here and everyone will disagree.
The most helpful thing I ever read about babies was that if you believe in what you are doing it will work if you stick at it long enough.
I see it that you have 2 choices, you cxan take her advice and try it for a few nights to see if it works, knowing it will hurt and you will prtobably be in tears but it will priobably work if you try it for a few days. Or you can ignore her and wait until he grows out of the colic stage. No-one but you can decide and it will be dificult either way.
If it helps, when DD1 was tiny, we used to put her in the pram and walk her until she fell asleep, sometimes for 20 minutes at 9 oclock at night an it worked for us. I am sure there are those it didn't work for.

Whatever you decide, you have to stick at it for a few nights for it to work. If you go through the pain of letting him cry once, you have to keep doing it, or your pain will have been for nothing.

Good luck, I hope it works for you whatever you decide.

Chil1234 · 15/07/2010 15:41

If he has colic then sit him up in the 'tiger in a tree' hold (your fingers and thumb under his armpits) and just keep patting and rubbing his back until all the wind is out. If it's really bad then talk to your (proper) doctor. Good luck. My baby had colicky evenings and the patting seem to go on for ever! But it does pass.

ReasonableDoubt · 15/07/2010 15:43

Poor little thing. It does sound like acid reflux, but I'm not medically qualified, so a random internet opinion isn't much help, I know!

Are you breastfeeding? Does he ever take a good, long feed?

I know how exhausting this is

You definitely need a second opinion. What has your GP said? Three months in, if he is crying and in pain pretty much constantly, this warrants further investigation.

Mingg · 15/07/2010 15:43

I was told to put my son on my/his dad's tummy (tummy against tummy)as the warmth was supposed to help. Some days it seemed to work others not so much.

Bramshott · 15/07/2010 15:43

Seems to young to me. I can see that you may not be able to stop colicky crying, but can't see why he or she would suggest leaving him on his own.

When DD1 was very colicky I used to lay her on my lap on her tummy and just stroke her back while she cried, whilst watching telly with the subtitles on. Which I guess physically is not much different from what your cranial ostepath is suggesting, but crucially I was there and touching her the whole time (crucially for me at least).

IndigoSky · 15/07/2010 15:45

I agree with the others who say "this will pass". 20 minutes is a hell of a long time to leave a screaming baby. Mind you, I never left mine for more than about 2 minutes!!

Ds1 had colic for a few weeks but ds2 had it until he was 8 months old. It was hideous - from 11am til 11pm. I just stuck him in a sling, cuddled him lots and tried to muddle through whilst chanting "this will get better" about a thousand times a day.

Good luck.

Gibbon · 15/07/2010 15:47

at this 'advice' and at the thought of how many parents would ignore their own instincts listen to it.

It doesn't seem right to you because it isn't.

DD had dreadful colic and I wanted to slap everyone that told me it would pass, but it did around 16 weeks. I do feel for you, it's God awful when it's relentless.

Colliecross · 15/07/2010 15:47

Follow your instincts - if it seems wrong, as you say, then don't do it.
I never left mine to cry for more than a few moments as I couldn't bear to anyway.
I would never leave a baby on its front unsupervised.
Can you enlist any help? What about carrying him in a sling? I always think babies seem reassured by that.
I'm sorry it all feels so fraught just now. Is this your first baby?

jessiealbright · 15/07/2010 15:49

Crying is good for wind? But babies swallow more air when they cry...

shimmerysilverglitter · 15/07/2010 15:49

Exactly what Bramshott said.

mamatomany · 15/07/2010 15:50

Is there a governing body you can report this loon to ?

jessiealbright · 15/07/2010 15:52

What qualifications do cranial osteopaths have? I know Ben Goldacre isn't much into osteopathy.

SloanyPony · 15/07/2010 15:54

Doesn't sound great. I'd rather try other things like walking round in a sling, tiger hold that a previous poster said sounded good, etc. But - if you have tried everything and this is about the only thing you haven't tried - you could sort of meet her half way and see if you could bring yourself to put him face down maybe not in his cot but on a change mat or somewhere else safe, but also stay with him and rub his back, just in case there is some truth to what she is saying. The only reason I say that is that she is an osteopath and they have a very different approach and deep understanding (or are supposed to) of how the body works in tandem with itself/other body parts...and osteos have such a good success with colicky babies as well.

So you could "try" it. Maybe not for 20 minutes. Maybe not on his own. And if she's right, you'll know, and if she's not, you'll know.

I probably wouldn't have said that if a GP had told you to do it though - I just wonder if there is some good reasoning for it that is correct.

If picking him up etc stops the crying, then maybe forget about it but if he's crying anyway, whatever you do, perhaps it is worth a try as you are almost no worse off, but only if that is the case...

katkouta · 15/07/2010 15:57

If it feels wrong it generally is. 20 mins is ages for a 3 month old. Its quite horrific that they would suggest such a thing

fishie · 15/07/2010 15:58

you poor thing. ds screamed all evenings for months i know how terrible it is. the only thing that ever helped was bf all evening. we also watched dvds with subtitles on.

i don't think what is termed 'colic' ie screaming misery is wind, i think it is some kind of unsettlement wtih the world and so you just need to do what you can to get through it.

oh and holding the baby and bouncing on birth ball worked as he got a little older, as did electric vibrating bouncy chair.

Original poster

5MoreMinutesPlease · 15/07/2010 15:59

i was shocked when she said it. wanted to see if this was common advice that i'd missed??? when i mentioned getting him checked for reflux she asked me if i need that ti make ME feel better and i just felt it's not for me but for him.

OP posts:

QueeferSutherland · 15/07/2010 16:08

Well done for trusting your instincts.

What medical "qualifications" does this woma have?

ReasonableDoubt · 15/07/2010 16:14

'need that to make you feel better'?

What a heartless and patronising BITCH.

There are two separate issues here:

your baby is in pain and crying a lot
you are exhausted and at your wit's end

Any responsible and caring professional would separate those two issues out and come up with strategies to deal with them. Not make such a loopy suggestion and then insinuate that you are some kind of loon.

Don't ever go back to her!

SuzieHomemaker · 15/07/2010 16:26

It's a while ago now but both my DDs had colic.

Infacol didnt cure it but did take the edge off it. It takes a while to build up in the system though so I would keep going with it.

Gripe water made DD1's sick smell better (we used to call her Colonel Chunder!)

Perpetual motion did help a bit - we would sit DD1 in her bouncy chair and just keep it moving constantly. We seemed to be jiggling her constantly. In fact as I typed this I could feel the need to jiggle something come back and DD is now 14!

You have my total sympathy, I wouldnt wish colic on my worst enemy. When we had our DCs we found that health professionals were mostly unhelpful as at the time there was some disagreement about whether colic really existed.

On the plus side - our midwife said that after colic teething would be easy and she was right - we didnt know that DD1 had her first tooth until we noticed a toothmark in a banana.

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