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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

letting a 3mo cry

69 replies

5MoreMinutesPlease · 15/07/2010 15:31

went to see a cranial osteopath today who told me when my sons colic gets awful in the evening, to place him on his tummy and leave him on his own on his tummy for 20 minutes with the door shut to cry. she said crying is good for his wind and i'm doing him no favours picking him up.

this just seems wrong to me. i don't know what else to do and have made an appt with another osteopath but i don't think i can do what she says. whats the consensus on here?
i'm at breaking point, want to walk out the door and not come back but this just seems wrong.
or is it just me???

OP posts:
bubbleymummy · 15/07/2010 16:34

Have you trIed figuring out what is causing the colic? If she is bf have you noticed that she is worse when you have eaten certain foods? Dairy is a major culprit so it might be worth trying to cut All dairy out of your diet for a few weeks to see if it makes a difference. If she is ff it might be worth mentioning to your gp to see if you can try a non dairy formula.

Original poster
5MoreMinutesPlease · 15/07/2010 16:54

he's bf, i've cut out spices, herbs and dairy. use sling, bouncey chair, pram..
he's my first, knew it would be hard but not this hard. i'll try another osteopath.
she gave me thaat advice in her professional capacity at a sure start centre so just felt confused as it went against everything i'd been told and it's sure start so thought she'd be able to help. think i'll try having him laying on his stomach on my lap as a compromise. i already feel that i can't get anything right wish i hadn't gone.

OP posts:
nomorebooze · 15/07/2010 16:56

5more: I had this with my dd till she was 4 months old! Infacol didnt make any differance however colief did. Its worth trying them, you never know!!!!!! I manage to get colief from docs as its approx £11 a tiny bottle, dd also on Pepti milk which helped loads. I breast feed till she was 3 months old, but felt i couldnt go any longer for my own sanity. at least hubby could then help out more with formula feeds. She is now 6 1/2 months and the happiest baby ever hang on in there, it wont last forever. I thought it would but it didnt. xxx

nomorebooze · 15/07/2010 16:57

Oh and i personally couldnt leave my wee one whilst she cried! too stressfull for her and you! i personally think cuddles are much better

nomorebooze · 15/07/2010 17:00

Dont beat yourself up! what works for one may not work for another. I tried eliminating loads of stuff from my diet and it didnt make any differance whatsoever! XX

CliqueOff · 15/07/2010 17:01

Symptoms of reflux:

Frequent feeds, vomiting, arching of the back straight after a feed, won't be put down, fussy feeds a lot of pulling.

No dr. can definitely say yes/no to reflux but you will know if the meds make a difference.

My last baby cried nearly all of waking time for 8 months.....nearly killed me not to kill him.

CliqueOff · 15/07/2010 17:02

And invest in a swing, may be a big outlay but I resold mine on ebay for £20 less than I paid!

KickArseQueen · 15/07/2010 17:02

You are doing great 5, get the reflux checked out and add grapes and cucumber to your list of things to avoid, both caused problems with all my 4.

thinking of you,

indochichi · 15/07/2010 17:04

You CAN get something right - lots of things, I'm sure, but for a start you instinctively knew the cranial osteopath's advice was bollocks!

Leaving a baby to cry for 20 minutes is a big no no in my opinion.

However, with dc2 we did start putting him in his cot to sleep on his tummy when he was about 3months, because he wasn't settling at all on his back and seemed in discomfort and unhappy. As soon as we did this, he in was instantly soothed and began sleeping for a reasonable length of time. His cot was pushed up to our bed with the side down, so he was right next to me, which gave me some confidence when he was sleeping on his stomach. It does go against advice in this country (although not in others), but my instinct was that it was what my baby would prefer, and I was right.

indochichi · 15/07/2010 17:05

I should also add that dc2 was rolling by the time we put him on his tummy (he rolled at one week ), so that also gave me confidence.

MoonUnitAlpha · 15/07/2010 17:06

Cranial osteopaths aren't actually medically qualified are they? Is it more of an alternative/complimentary therapy?

porcupine11 · 15/07/2010 17:09

DS2 was like this until 2 weeks ago (he's now 12 weeks). I tried many things, including cranial osteopathy, which did nothing. I was also at the end of my tether but I reckon they are too young to leave them to cry, and I couldn't stand to listen to it. DS2 has bad wind problems. I had a visit from a HV who was v good, I did everything she said and it seemed to help. Can't unpick which thing made most difference but here is the list:

  • consistent use of Infacol
  • cut out all acidic food and food that makes you windy: fruit juice, tomatoes, beans & pulses, too much fruit, all veg in the 'onion' family inc garlic, cabbage, broccoli, alcohol, caffeine, fizzy drinks, chocolate, spices
  • feed lying down for all feeds (if bf)
  • no ready meals, make food as bland as possible: ideal is baked potato with meat or fish
  • eat a baked potato every day for lunch (improves my mood almost immediately)
  • eat big breakfast, big lunch

He also sleeps in an Amby hammock, so I can bounce him to sleep in the evenings. Before that napping in a sling also helped and we'd have him in a sling all evening, he'd drift off. Uncomfortable for wearer, but better than the crying. And use ear plugs if he insists on crying all evening. He also has a dummy to help him go to sleep, though it took a lot of getting him used to this as he liked to suck a finger.

He's like a different baby now, it does get better I promise, and the change really can be 'overnight'.

mathanxiety · 15/07/2010 17:14

Another at the idea of leaving him to cry. Shaking my head in disbelief.

Quite a range of foods has been known to contribute to colic, and it can take two weeks after eliminating dairy from your diet before you see an effect. LaLeche League may be able to offer you some support here too.

It can drive you nuts while you're in the thick of it.

haribomum · 15/07/2010 18:52

i can totally sympathise here. colic is v hard to cope with.

my ds (18months) suffered with it and the dr prescribed him gaviscon sachets to either mix with formula or if bf mix with some water.

worked wonders for my ds

FionaSH · 15/07/2010 19:01

I definitely wouldn't leave a 3mo to cry for that long. I can barely let my 8mo cry for more than 5 minutes, even when I know he's having me on and playing monkey.

My DS was really colicky, and I have to say, as others have, they grow out of it. And you won't even notice. Suddenly one morning you'll be like "oh, no colic for two nights!"...then it'll be the teething.... It was infacol that worked for us (but only after using it before every feed for about three days did it have effect), and I cut out eating apples (random). I'd just lay him on his tummy in my lap whilst I rocked in the armchair til he got it out and dozed off. He grew out of it just before 4 months I think.

Hope this phase passes quickly for you. Give the cranial osteo a miss, sounds like a nutter.

rupert22 · 15/07/2010 19:05

YANBU A three month old baby isnt crying to pucish you or annoy you, they cant communicate with you other than smiling or crying. He must be in pain or upset, please dont listen to the cranial stuff.

My ds was the same for four months and i now know i was breastfeeding him wrong, too much foremilk or something, and swopping breasts as he seemed to not get enough milk. It was bananas really and i wish i had just used formula, as soon as i did he stopped crying.

thefirstmrsDeVere · 15/07/2010 19:08

Poor you!

I really sympathise.

But her advice sounds mental.

Surely picking a child up does help with wind?

When I pick my babies up they usually let off a great deal of it

Really suprised an osteopath would say this.Not quite sure why I am suprised, I just am.

smellmycheese · 15/07/2010 19:08

Another total sympathy offer here. dd had terrible colic every evening for the first 4 months, and just screamed and screamed. I found laying her on her tummy on my lap did sometimes help. Also, after feeding, we would sit her up facing us on our lap and twist her (only slightly!!) from side to side. It worked a treat. she used to do great big man sized burps!

The thought of leaving her to scream in pain at that age is awful (even for me, who did controlled crying happily when she was older)

We also put a rolled up towel under the top end of her cot mattress so that she wasn't sleeping completely flat on her back. that helped a lot!

The only time i would actively encourage you to leave her alone is if you are at the end of your tether and feel yourself getting really upset or angry. Then, I would say it is perfectly acceptable and forgiveable to leave her in her cot and go and have 2 mins for a fag, drink or a hug!!

Good luck, I promise it gets easier

ib · 15/07/2010 19:09

It sounds wrong because it is!

try these instead

missedith01 · 15/07/2010 19:19

AFAIK cranial osteopathy is not evidence-based. I'd be inclined to ignore the advice if you don't feel it is the right thing to do.

AliGrylls · 15/07/2010 19:22

I was afraid to put DS on his tummy for the first two months of his life and I did it somewhat reluctantly for a few seconds here and there. Until my MIL put him on his tummy, on his playmat when he was sleepy. He fell asleep in that position for about 30 mins and it really was teh best thing she has ever done. After that he loved it.

I would say half follow his advice. Do it when he is calm and he will grow to love it and find it soothing.

FanjolinaJolie · 15/07/2010 19:25

I agree with baby on his tummy but not left alone.

Perhaps across your lap/knees and very gently rub his back?

'Monkey in the Tree' position very good also and comforting.

I don't honestly think any colic remedies really 'work' and unfortunately it's a phase but the good news is that you're very close to coming out of it.

If you need a break yourself try going out for a walk, even in the evening with baby in a sling or pushchair.

Original poster
5MoreMinutesPlease · 15/07/2010 19:26

thanks, when your exhausted and someone in authority tells you something in a childrens centre you find yourself questioning everything you thought you knew.
after a feed he throws his head back quite violently, he possets and sometimes coughs. apart from his 20minute naps he screams and screams and screams, can't feed and arches and tenses, kicking a lot. he grumbles constantly even in his sleep and during a feed. the longest he goes at night is two hours. i don't know what it is, colic, reflux.. everyday it lasts a bit longer, hv says it should be easing but its getting worse.
i know its stupid but in my head i had that magic 3 month mark when everything would get better.
stupid woman, i really wish i hadn't gone.

OP posts:
Original poster
5MoreMinutesPlease · 15/07/2010 19:27

going to try all these positions your telling me.

OP posts:
DwayneDibbley · 15/07/2010 19:34

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