Been on ML for 8 months, 6wks leave before that, and before that off work lots with HG, so not really there, gelling with the team. I have had massive issues with my employer over the years, trust issues around very poor treatment, resulting in grievance, team changes, etc etc, along with some personal issues to boot (bereavement). So, being at work has for a long time been a hard thing for me, and last ML returning to work was especially hard
This time, I made a decision to be positive, change my attitude to work, and enjoy it. I am returning on hours that fit better with my personal commitments, and have a new manager who appears to be responsive to my needs/wishes and wants to make my return to work as smooth as possible.
So, we have agreed that it would be good to use some of my keeping in touch days to ease me back in slowly (my suggestion), so one morning this week, one, maybe two next week, then two the following two weeks then return at the end of my ML the following week officially, which will only actually be 3 days. The following week will be 5 days as normal (mornings). My manager has said that these Keeping in Touch days are to be completely flexible around me, the hours, and the days to suit and change as needed, so we can deal with teething issues, get my head used to being back in work mode, so when I start officially, we are hopefully on an even keel.
Anyway, I am going on, sorry. DH has been unemployed for a while, and has over the last two weeks had a little work. Not much, but helping out a friend (self employed, both of them), it has been physical work and I know DH has been out of work for a while, so in the mornings I have got up with the kids immediately, sorted their breakfast, made a drink and brekky for DH, so he can just get ready, be calm in his head, and leave knowing it is happy and calm this end. I did this for him yesterday.
Today is my first Keeping in Touch day. Last night, I got todays breakfast/lunch/tea sorted for the children, and a bottle for DS. This morning, he stayed in bed 'dozing' while I fed DS, then DD got up, we snuggled for a bit then at 7:15 I got up, gave the kids their breakfast, made myself and DH a cuppa, had brekky myself, went to go in the shower, DH nipped in, got himself brekky, got milk from shops, then looked after the children while I got ready.
I wanted to walk into work. Takes about 20 mins, and although the weather is a bit shitty, I wanted the time to clear my head, prepare myself for work. I was looking forward to it, for the first time, in probably years. But apprehensive due to the amount of time I have had off, and also apprehensive about leaving my baby boy, although overall not too bad about that. Was looking forward to the walk and listening to Mumford & Sons. It is my favourite album and I listen to a lot in the car, love driving on my own so I can have it loud, happens rarely so was really looking forward to this before work, relaxing, calming, and positive.
It is not on my Ipod, it turns out DH put it on his, not mine, a while ago when I asked. I asked DH if I could use his Ipod, he sees me looking through mine sighing and says 'oh god why do you want mine? Not to listen to Mumford & Sons again? 'can i borrow it or not?' 'why do you want it first?' 'so listen to Mumford & Sons' "no then, listen to something else' 'please let me borrow your ipod, i don't want to listen to anything else, i really want to listen to that album' 'you have listened to it too much, No' 'please' 'no' 'come on, all my other music is shit' 'i don't know where it is' 'can you help me look for it, I was really looking forward to it on the walk to work' 'no, just listen to something else, you can't just listen to Mumford & sons all the time' 'fine' and I took off my headphones and threw it on the bed.
I was really quite upset, probably without good reason, but then he went on 'oh chucking your toys out the pram are you? chucking them on the bed, stop behaving like a baby' 'well, dont treat my like a baby dictating what I can and can't listen to' 'nenene! such a baby, getting in a strop because I don't know where the ipod is' and stomps off to look for the Ipod. I told him to forget it, and I said goodbye to the kids and him and left, with him saying 'i am looking for it now, cant you just be patient? 'no' and I leave.
But I feel so wound up, so upset that he felt that right before I left for work would be a good time to try to impose his control on me, to use some kind of power trip to decide what I can and can't listen to, that he had such little regard for supporting me before work he was happy to treat me like this before I left for work. I walked for a bit, then sat down feeling angry, tearful and my confidence had just evaporated. I just felt overwhelmed by how little support I had this morning. Not at all bothered by how I might be feeling leaving my little boy, or walking into a huge office for the first time in almost a year.
I came home, could not face going into work feeling so negative, the whole point if this was to go to work feeling positive, and build on that. DH said I was making excuses, I told him that was not true, but he was not interested in hearing what I had to say, he said 'you refused to go to work because you could not listen to Mumford & Sons, it is as simple as that, you over-reacted because you could not get your own way, and you can make up something else to make yourself feel better, get angry at me to justify you not going into work if you like' and I got angry at him telling me that I would make stuff up. He told me how it was, not me telling him, and he was interested in what I think about it all.
He told me that I have ruined the day, sabotaged my return to work for whatever godknows reason, and am pretending it is because I did not have the right music.
it has nothing to do with the bloody music. But he says anything I say other than what he is saying is me making stuff up. Oh and now apparantly I am sulking.
What is your verdict ladies.