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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

ambu to expect a bit of support?

77 replies

mummysgoingmad · 13/07/2010 21:46

Ok i had a termination last week for lots of reasons really, i'm not physically, mentally or financially ready for another child. These are my reason if you want to judge me for them fine, but the are valid reasons to me.

Anyway, i kind of thought my two friends would be there for me, even a text to say they were thinking of me, but i got nothing. My dp has been great and has put up with me being very emotional and constantly questioning my decison. I stupidly thought that since i've been there through all of their shit they would at least send a text saying they're thinking of me. They're both on facebook right now and they haven't even sent me a private message at least how i am.

Am i reading too much into this, or would you be a little hurt too, i thought friendship was a 2 way street?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 13/07/2010 21:50

I would be hurt too

They are being very insensitive

I guess at times like this, you find out who your real friends are, huh ?

bananalover · 13/07/2010 21:53

So they know about your termination then?

mumtoabeautifulbabyboy · 13/07/2010 21:55

I would be hurt too but perhaps they are unsure about what to say and feel a bit awkward?
Have you tried contacting them? They might not want to bring it up until you do?

I'm glad you have a supportive partner. x

MrsHarkness · 13/07/2010 21:55

It depends on their feelings about abortion, I'll be honest I couldn't support someone through an abortion no matter how close we were, maybe thats the way they feel.

boiledegg1 · 13/07/2010 21:56

YANBU to expect some support from them. A text really wouldn't be too much to ask. Is it possible that they aren't sure of the right things to say to you, so rather than facing it they are not contacting you?

I hope happier times are around the corner for you.

EnglandAllenPoe · 13/07/2010 21:57

could they perhaps be being quiet because they don't know what to say about it?

or (thinking from the perspective of a v. disorganised person) - might they not realise that it was last week you had your termination?

its not the kind of thing i'd talk about on FB anyway...though yes a phone call would be right.

you are not wrong to want support from your friends, not wrong to expect it.

I hope you are feeling well in yourself, and capable of focussing on your family rather than tormenting yourself. I do know the hormones alone in this time can be tough to deal with! You don't have to justify this decision to anyone IMO.

bananalover · 13/07/2010 21:58

MrsHarkness...are you saying that even if the baby had disabilities or was expected to be stillborn, you would not offer your friend support?

smellmycheese · 13/07/2010 22:00

MrsHarkness, you can support a good friend without having to agree with what she is doing. It's not for anyone else to have an opinion on her decision, but if they are good friends they should at least want to know if she's ok.

Original poster
mummysgoingmad · 13/07/2010 22:00

i sent them a text on thursday when i went for the 1st pill, i thought, well maybe they didnt reply as they were goin to t in the park on friday and were too excited, made the same allowances over the weekend but its now tuesday, they've both been home 2 days and still no word, i feel totally gutted they are being this way

anyfucker your right and i'm begining to find out i have none, they are the only 2 friend i regularly keep in contact with and 1 of them is my sons godmother

OP posts:
Ladyanonymous · 13/07/2010 22:00

Maybe they don't know what do say and you need to ask them for some support?

Hope you are okay - its a tough thing to go through and you'll probably feeling a bit low anyway.

Original poster
mummysgoingmad · 13/07/2010 22:03

mrsharkness i know they dont have a problem with it as it had been discussed when we were all young.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 13/07/2010 22:03

MrsH...I am glad you are not a friend of mine

MrsHarkness · 13/07/2010 22:03

Just because a baby has disabilities it doesnt mean that it has to be aborted and if someone had a still born then yes I would support but no I wouldnt support someone if they chose to have an abortion.

bananalover · 13/07/2010 22:04

Ask for support...you should not have to ASK 'friends' for support. When they do deign to get in touch, tell them, in no uncertain terms, that you 'greatly appreciated their support when you needed it most'. Plonkers!

AnyFucker · 13/07/2010 22:05

mummysgoingmad...if I knew you as a friend, even if I couldn't agree with your decision, I would be checking in to see how you were and offering support if you wanted it

Original poster
mummysgoingmad · 13/07/2010 22:05

i though even a text saying hope your ok would have been nice or i was thinking of you, in total honesty i think they are both wrapped up in their own lives, i know that sounds terrible but that how i feel sometime

OP posts:
Ladyanonymous · 13/07/2010 22:05

Friends aren't psychic

They may not know how low the OP is feeling -people tend to think with the abortion pill it isn't a big deal.

MrsHarkness · 13/07/2010 22:05

The question was asked and I have answered with my point of view, if you do not want to know other peoples points of view, dont ask, and to be perfectly honest AnyFucker I wouldnt want to be your friend anyway!

Original poster
mummysgoingmad · 13/07/2010 22:06

i though even a text saying hope your ok would have been nice or i was thinking of you, in total honesty i think they are both wrapped up in their own lives, i know that sounds terrible but that how i feel sometimes

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 13/07/2010 22:06

go away MrsH...your presence on this thread is inappropriate

Op didn't ask for people's attitudes towards abortion, you twerp

bananalover · 13/07/2010 22:07

MrsHarknes, you are correct when you say that a baby does not HAVE to be aborted because of disabilities...although I should warn you, you are treading on VERY sensitive ground ATM.
People have various reasons for termination...you cannot say that you would lose a friendship because a friend of yours chose to have a termination...surely?

AnyFucker · 13/07/2010 22:08

great minds, MrsH, great minds

OP asked for opinions on whether she should be hurt at her friends lack of contact...not a moral argument about abortion

bog off now, eh

proudnsad · 13/07/2010 22:09

Come on, the friends should've contacted to see how she was. It's crazy to say people don't realise a termination is 'big deal'. I feel really bad for you Op and hope you are ok. They should have been there for you x

larks35 · 13/07/2010 22:09

mummy - poor you, horrible time you're having . I imagine your mates are struggling to know what and how to say how bad they feel for you and although it is shit you have to, I think you should reach out to one or other of them. Phone, message, text them, whatever suits. Tell them you feel shit and abandoned, tell them you need them and if they really are your bessy mates they'll come running.

I'm really shit with friends in need unless I know that i have a role to fill, ie. come and get pissed with me to mourn the death of yet another bad relationship or come and help me look after toddler and new baba cos I can't manage at the mo'.

Give them a chance before you give 'em up. Tell them what you need from them and if they don't deliver then ditch 'em. (My recommendation is a good girly, wine-fuelled dinner and piss-up, with a good few tears added in)

Original poster
mummysgoingmad · 13/07/2010 22:09

MrsH - with total respect i really dont wish to hear your opinion it is totally inappropriate, i did say in the OP they they were my reason and they were valid ones to me, your have your view and i have mine, but on this thread do you really think it is an appropriate time to voice you views?

OP posts: