to think some mums act strange or am I strange?

[upsetfedup1]

Why do some mums invite my DC to their house for a play date, use it as an opportunity to quiz me about my life, what I do etc and then feel the need to snub me the next time I see them?
Why do some mums have no interaction with me in public but want to be my best friends in private?
Who do some mums like to focus on my misfortunes and try to cover up their own?
Why do some mums like to highlight the one time my DC misbehaves in public where their child is an awful, spoilt little madam, constantly?
Who do other mums always try to outdo you when you are simply sharing the fact that you had a nice weekend (well you did ask!)?
Why are some mums feel threatened because you are a professional mum/or you drive?
Why do some mums play this competitive game of ? ?how many other mums did you say hello to this morning?? every morning?
Why do some mums think it is OK for them to blatantly walk past you but then be ultra shocked when I return the favour the next time I see them?
Why do some mums (even some in their 40s) revert to play ground behaviour by whispering and trying to get others to ostracise you from a clique that you never wanted to be in the first place?
Why do some mums thrive on making others jealous?
Why do some mums laugh at my mono-lingualism
Why do some mums turn their children against other mums because of their own personal views?
Why do some mums only want to talk to you when certain other mums are not around?
Why are some mums conveniently never around when their children terrorise other children?
Why do some mums always want my DC to come to their house but will never accept an invitation to mine?

I am sensitive, yes I admit that. I do not expect everyone to like me but sometimes the school run and its politics just gets me down. I try hard to be pleasant and consistent with all parents. Some I have more interactions than others but sometimes it?s the ones that you think you are making a headway with always kick you when you are down or just stab you in the back. All in all it just hurts!

My DH says it is jealousy, that I unknowing inspire others and make them feel inadequate at the same time, as I seem to ?have it together? whatever that means!!
I do not really know what others may or may not possibly see when they look at me but I feel constantly underestimated or made to feel irrelevant, or one that ought to be kept in my place. I look like the youngest mum in the class and i 'm unmarried does that have something to do with it? I don?t look ultra trendy, but I try to come across confident for the sake of my DC but at times I am quaking inside.
I often look at myself. they cannot be all wrng and i right, I have changed my approach and how I deal with it all but even after 2 years i feel like it is 2 steps forward and 3 steps back

All I really would like is one close parent friend at the school who does not feel like they want to compete, who I can talk to without feeling like I have revealed too much or not enough. Why is it so difficult for me. I was getting somewhere or so I thought and then I noticed another mum who mysteriously stopped talking to me watching my blossoming relationship with another mum and she went and targeted my ?friend? and my ?friend? over time became less of a friend. I feel so stupid even writing this as I feel like I am back at school surely there are others going through this too or is it really that I am over sensitive or maybe just not a nice person or not popular enough.
PLEASE HELP

Entirely agree this has been overthunk - why on eath do you agonise over what you think others might be thinking? just take people at face value and get on to the next thing...

I think you sound very paranoid. Maybe you should see a doctor?

Do you really think these women think about you as much as you think about them?

Bathsheba ihas got it right, I dont talk to anyone in the morning, I run away as quickly as I can with screaming DD who is desperate to start school.

After school I talk to whoever I end up sitting/standing with, I dont really care who it is. There is one woman I try to avoid, as her opening line in September was 'I wish I could sit around drinking coffee all day like you lot, but I think DS will be more culturally aware when he's an adult as a result of all our holidays'. Oh, and before christmas 'it's a shame for your kids that they dont get enough one to one time' (I have 5 DC).Then cheekily asked if I would mind looking after her DS for a few days in the hols. Erm, no.

Is this you?

If not then I guess you are feeling crappy and the horrible school run, which you cant avoid, makes you feel worse. Or else you have an unusually bitchy playground. Dont worry, enjoy your DC, try and get out to some more enjoyable places and dont let the b*stards get you down.

What I struggle to understand is why people seem to think that mothers at the school gate ase somehow a different species to other women! What escapes people is that if you are dropping your child off at school you are a school gate mother too! People who say |Oh, I never talk to other parents at school, they are all so boring and I have nothing in common with them " - how do you know? In any group of 200 people there are going to every sort of person represented - being a school gate mother doesn't somehow drain your personality out of you!

Dear upset, take no notice of some of your knockers! I suppose at first, I was like you, always reading something into everything that happened at school. Taking offence at every little thing, I would say relax, sometimes your face gives it away, maybe you are trying to hard. I now don't give a monkeys what anyone thinks there. It's not important anymore.

OP, are you in Wimbledon by any chance???

OP did you get bullied at school by any chance? I am just wondering as this might be why you are feeling the way you are? ie it might be subconsciously bringing back bad memories of being in a school enviroment, where people were bitchy and cliquey.

I've seen elements of this behaviour at ds school gates. It's kind of tragic (for them I mean). Over time though, the less I cared, the less I saw those behaviours. Now apparently I'm "In", but realistically I could give a shite either way.

Op is being a bit over sensitive . most of the ones you list suggest almost paranoia.
But i do think you are giving her a hard time, MN'ers.
some of what she lists, i have seen myself. and was shocked.

"trying to get others to ostracise you from a clique that you never wanted to be in the first place?". this goes on in my lovely school. very odd. nasty even. happened to mey friend.

"
Why do some mums turn their children against other mums because of their own personal views". this happens to. mums telling boys thta they aren't allowed to play with so-and-so.

have heard about both of these things going on to mums in ds's class, this very week.

all a bit sad. why do parents do this ?

Upset, just to make you feel better, someone at work has just put down someone else at work for 'mono-lingualism' (via e-mail). Seriously! Perhaps it was someone you see on your school run...

There definitely are people who behave as if they've never quiet left age 12 or 13 behind.

However, you have said a few things that reveal that you think you can read people's minds, and this is worrying.
For instance, the incident when the woman walked into the lamppost. You do not know at all that she did this out of desperation not to appear to recognise you.
You do not know that some mums are whispering and trying to get others to ostracise you. If you can't hear what they're saying, you do not know that they are doing anything of the sort. To assume is not to know.

You also seem to take things very literally -- 'How was your weekend?' is not really an invitation to give a blow by blow account of your weekend. Even 'what did you do this weekend?' does not mean 'Tell me every last detail'. If you've been responding to 'How was your weekend?' with too much detail, maybe they're reciprocating with a similar level of detail? Assuming they're trying to outdo you is not the response that this would warrant.

You do not know anyone feels threatened by the fact that you are a professional or by the fact that you drive. You simply do not know this. You cannot read people's minds.

The 'quiz me about my life' thing bespeaks a misunderstanding about someone trying to be cordial by asking you about yourself, or possibly trying to figure out what sort of behaviour or attitudes they can expect from your DC, when you're at their house. Do you reciprocate by asking 'And you...?' or do you try to appear equally curious about the mums who ask you about yourself? If the questions are all going one way, they may feel that you have actually snubbed them, by being uninterested in them. Or do you just answer questions without trying to strike up a little conversation related to the questions or the details you give? Conversation requires give and take on both sides, especially with a new acquaintance.

'Blatantly walk past you' -- do you assume other people's lives revolve around you and how they react to your presence is the only concern they may have? Two of my friends buried their mums this year, and they frequently appeared to be 'elsewhere' mentally outside the school. It was nothing at all to do with how they felt about any of the school mums. Other people have lives and preoccupations that may result in them not acknowledging you or having you anywhere near the top of their list of things or people they are concerned about. Many people don't feel very sociable when they're in arrears on their mortgage, etc. It's not all about you, in other words, when someone does not greet you or seem to see you.

You are seeing conspiracies and whispering campaigns and children being turned against you. You seem to think you are accurately reading people's minds. You also seem to believe that one of the number one concerns of the mums you mention is you, their reactions to you, how they deal with your presence. I think you sound very down, and possibly could use a screening for depression. Yes, there are nasty mums. But laughing at your monolingualism is surely a case of casting around for evidence of something you are convinced is there even without evidence.

mathanxiety worded it very well.

I often don`t greet people in the playground, as in hurry to hand in some documents in the office, or rush off after school as we have swimming class 10 mins later.

I would hate to think people think I snub them, sometimes you`re just busy.

mathanxiety has put it well, I agree.

When I first suffered from depression, one of the first things that got me concerned was when I changed from an upbeat, blase person to one very deeply concerned with what other people thought of me. I thought everyone's actions were a slight on me, or that everyone was avoiding me and having a giggle at my expense.

When I came out of my depression I realised once again that the world doesn't care about me. What a relief, what an epiphany. It was an amazing weight off me.

At age 19 with no prior experience of depression I thought it was more about moping around in bed saying 'woe is me'. But depression is deeper and more subtle and more poisonous.

That's not to say there aren't rude, cliquey, brusque people. Or that you aren't giving off an unfriendly vibe. But the way you have put it makes me think of depression.