it seems that A+D diaper ointment is working I tried it out of sheer desperation last week and his skin has looked much clearer since. Have been using it morning and night.
We had previously used Aveeno, Eucerin, Lubriderm, and various other baby excema creams with limited success.
Just wanted to share in case it helped anyone else. It has been incredibly frustrating to watch the poor little man and not find anything (except steroids) that helped at all.